Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask my 11-year-old to leave an overwhelming group chat?

91 replies

sycamoreoak · 08/08/2026 20:46

DD 11 in group chat (not WhatsApp) with 2 other friends and the amount of messaging is overwhelming. DD had 50+ messages in space of half an hour or so, and when she was in a summer holiday club last week - doing something she loves - she turned her phone on in the evening to messages asking why she wasn’t texting. It all feels like too much pressure to me so I have asked her to leave the chat - AIBU?

OP posts:
Simonjt · 08/08/2026 21:40

Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 08/08/2026 21:36

I would have assumed this because group messaging on text is not an option on my son's dumphone 🤷🏼‍♀️

Show quote history

Blast from the past, but you could do it on a Nokia 3310!

BusyDog · 08/08/2026 21:39

YABU to ask her. Just tell her she’s not allowed in the group chat, or in any group chats.
It is so much better for children to just grumble ‘urgh my mums so strict’ to their friends, than the consequences of actually being in group chats etc!!

Original poster
sycamoreoak · 08/08/2026 21:39

Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 08/08/2026 21:36

I would have assumed this because group messaging on text is not an option on my son's dumphone 🤷🏼‍♀️

Show quote history

It’s not the case for all dumb phones.

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 08/08/2026 21:38

We had some of this actually as well in WhatsApp chats with my child. I had discussions with her about how I thought it was too much and the reasons why etc etc etc. She certainly wasn't always whatsapping! I can't remember if we left the group in this situation. But I do know that initially I did let her have WhatsApp but I've banned it for quite a while now. It was WhatsApp that always caused problems in some way (although not bullying) and certainly the things you mention I think are unhealthy as well. I'm happy with my decision at the minute. (She's 12 now) Although she was 11 when she had it.

Besidemyselfwithworry · 08/08/2026 21:38

LumpkinPumpkin · 08/08/2026 20:49

This is why children shouldn’t have smartphones tbh.

Exactly this!

TrunkElliot · 08/08/2026 21:37

Did you know she was being added to chat groups?

Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 08/08/2026 21:36

sycamoreoak · 08/08/2026 21:12

Why did you assume it is a Smartphone?

Show quote history

I would have assumed this because group messaging on text is not an option on my son's dumphone 🤷🏼‍♀️

NCForOneNightOnly · 08/08/2026 21:36

Boundaries. Sorry I can’t text today, I’m going out. Talk later.

Original poster
sycamoreoak · 08/08/2026 21:35

HaveCreditWillShop · 08/08/2026 21:26

Problem here is you. If you’re daft enough to give her a phone and set her up with some sort of chat, that’s 100% on you. My son is about to start year 6. Smart phones are banned at my school thank god. This is a you problem.

Please read my earlier messages - I have NOT set her up with any sort of chat function. Normal text messaging allows group chats which OTHER kids have added her to. Don’t judge without knowing/checking the facts.
Smart phones also banned at my child’s secondary school, which I am also pleased about.

OP posts:
canuckup · 08/08/2026 21:34

This is why I'm not getting my kids a phone at that age

You just don't need the hassle op

Simonjt · 08/08/2026 21:34

HaveCreditWillShop · 08/08/2026 21:31

Yea - google it! Why does an 11 year old need any phone anyway?! Cop out from lazy parents who just give in

Show quote history

Our eleven year old needs a phone as he has a severe hearing impairment, without it his hearing aids have very very limited functionality. Apologies for being lazy and meeting his medical and sensory needs.

I can’t find any phone on google that doesn’t have the ability to text.

ByRoseBiscuit · 08/08/2026 21:33

HaveCreditWillShop · 08/08/2026 21:31

Yea - google it! Why does an 11 year old need any phone anyway?! Cop out from lazy parents who just give in

Show quote history

No giving in here, I’m happy for my teens to have phones. Why’s that lazy?

HaveCreditWillShop · 08/08/2026 21:31

Simonjt · 08/08/2026 21:28

Are there any mobile phones that don’t have the ability to text?

Show quote history

Yea - google it! Why does an 11 year old need any phone anyway?! Cop out from lazy parents who just give in

Simonjt · 08/08/2026 21:28

HaveCreditWillShop · 08/08/2026 21:26

Problem here is you. If you’re daft enough to give her a phone and set her up with some sort of chat, that’s 100% on you. My son is about to start year 6. Smart phones are banned at my school thank god. This is a you problem.

Are there any mobile phones that don’t have the ability to text?

HaveCreditWillShop · 08/08/2026 21:26

Problem here is you. If you’re daft enough to give her a phone and set her up with some sort of chat, that’s 100% on you. My son is about to start year 6. Smart phones are banned at my school thank god. This is a you problem.

Walkerzoo · 08/08/2026 21:25

I remember having to do the same. Some kids message about everything they do. Mine never bothered as they were at holiday clubs, and then played outside so weren't on the phones.

Half of it is boredom.

Original poster
sycamoreoak · 08/08/2026 21:21

TheOccupier · 08/08/2026 21:20

You're right to have put a stop to this although at this age you don't ask them, you tell them! Also right to have said no more group chats which are a nightmare even for adults...! Well done.

I know my original post said otherwise but I have told her rather than asked.

OP posts:
TheOccupier · 08/08/2026 21:20

You're right to have put a stop to this although at this age you don't ask them, you tell them! Also right to have said no more group chats which are a nightmare even for adults...! Well done.

Original poster
sycamoreoak · 08/08/2026 21:12

Willowskyblue · 08/08/2026 21:02

You need to be the adult. She’s a child and not emotionally equipped to deal with this. Why does an 11 year old need a smart phone, especially with the plethora of research showing how harmful they are to children?

Why did you assume it is a Smartphone?

OP posts:
NoisyUmberBalonz · 08/08/2026 21:10

sycamoreoak · 08/08/2026 21:04

I haven’t - my post clearly states that it is not WhatsApp. She is on NO social media. Normal text messaging allows group chats and other kids have added her. She will not be in any in future.

Show quote history

Apologies, squiffy.

Original poster
sycamoreoak · 08/08/2026 21:09

Willowskyblue · 08/08/2026 21:02

You need to be the adult. She’s a child and not emotionally equipped to deal with this. Why does an 11 year old need a smart phone, especially with the plethora of research showing how harmful they are to children?

My child is extremely sensible about these things. Unfortunately, other children aren’t as mature, and their parents don’t check their phones - a bad combination!

OP posts:
Original poster
sycamoreoak · 08/08/2026 21:04

NoisyUmberBalonz · 08/08/2026 20:54

Why give an eleven year old WhatsApp.

Edited

I haven’t - my post clearly states that it is not WhatsApp. She is on NO social media. Normal text messaging allows group chats and other kids have added her. She will not be in any in future.

OP posts:
Nousernameideaaga · 08/08/2026 21:03

Willowskyblue · 08/08/2026 21:02

You need to be the adult. She’s a child and not emotionally equipped to deal with this. Why does an 11 year old need a smart phone, especially with the plethora of research showing how harmful they are to children?

OP has been the adult as per everything she has written 🙄

Willowskyblue · 08/08/2026 21:02

You need to be the adult. She’s a child and not emotionally equipped to deal with this. Why does an 11 year old need a smart phone, especially with the plethora of research showing how harmful they are to children?

AMurderofMurderingCrows · 08/08/2026 21:01

I wish my mum would take my phone away!