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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Do you think that schools are okay?

429 replies

applejane11 · 08/08/2026 20:36

When I was in school, I remember absolutely hating school. I like learning. What I hated was the constant feeling of being in a prison, having no freedom. Having to sit for 7 hours a day and not speak. Having no say at all in most things. Constantly being controlled. I remember every morning, feeling dread when I woke up to go in.

I now actually work in a school in an admin position. Ive worked in lots of different companies. Now im in a school. I hear the teenagers say the same things all the time. They hate it, they feel like they are in prison, that it is awful, that they feel depressed every day, that all their young life is wasted. I also have to say, I definitely see school teachers abuse their power over the students. Not in a way that you could say is definitely abuse, but just in a way where you can see that they are really loving having power and control over the teenagers.

Do you think that schools are okay the way that they are? Teenagers don't have a lot of say in things or a lot of human rights, so it's adults that need to have the conversation about it.

OP posts:
InOverMyHead84 · 08/08/2026 23:03

sunsettosunrise · 08/08/2026 22:53

I went to secondary in the 2010s, so it was fairly recently and I loved it. Engaging with my teachers, learning new things, spending the breaks with my mates, school sports and residentials. I liked the routine and the rigid nature of school suited me.

I had a difficult home life, and school was a real sanctury to me.

You see this with so many children. Memories of one particular girl, from an awful background. Reputation of being workshy, a bit disrespectful.

She made a point on leaving to visit every teacher, she had tears in her eyes. She was scared. Scared of what was to follow. But, she was grateful for an environment that gave her some normality, a level playing field. A chance.

I often think of her, hope she is safe, hope she is living an enjoyable life. Chances are though, she isn't. School will remain a highlight for her.

It's my experience that the majority of students are grateful for the structure, the opportunity it represents.

Back to the original point of the OP. Is school okay? It's more then ok for the majority. If you wish to judge by the outliers that make news and that have rightfully been called out, go for it.

Whyohwhy99 · 08/08/2026 23:02

applejane11 · 08/08/2026 21:22

I think they are designed to control people. Teenagers in my school and other teenagers that I know tell me that

They can't go to the bathroom when they want to. Girls are often not given adequate time to change period products.
They can't adjust their uniform in the hot weather to feel comfortable.

Re. talking, to clarify: students can talk when the teacher speaks to them, they can't talk to each other in classes all day
(unless directed to do work in a group together)

In workplaces, I can say to my co-worker in the office ' how are you'.

When I was in school, students would get get told to leave the classroom for daring to talk to each other. Even if they just asked each other for a pen or something.

Same thing in the school I'm working in now. They are not allowed to say a word to each other for hours at a time. Only if its group work directed by a teacher

Edited

I only recently found out that at my sons school they were made to take of their blazers in freezing weather ahd and stand the the freezing cold. A couple of kids challenged it and the teacher got in their face.. Then its the other extreme where they won't let children take of blazers. Thats just control for the sake of it.

Also the pressure on children is awful. Theres no school life balance at all . At my childs school it was 8.25am start . Finish 3.05 but then they had to stay for master class until 4pm. An hour to get home. Then from 5pm till 6 study. . 7 till 9 home work.
Plus some Saturdays in school and some of the half terms plus more study. They use words like compulsory when irs not. They send warning type messages to the children. Different type to the parents. I took my child out of some of them. They tried to tell me it was compulsory and there wasn't a choice. Which is not true.
Dd did go to the core subjects. One was 3hrs hours of maths . Are they really taking anything in doing 3hrs.

There was quite a few horrible things.

ZeroMotivationWithTeens · 08/08/2026 23:01

Implement change by whining on mumsnet? Yeah right. Go to bed.

Pixiedust49 · 08/08/2026 23:01

sunsettosunrise · 08/08/2026 22:53

I went to secondary in the 2010s, so it was fairly recently and I loved it. Engaging with my teachers, learning new things, spending the breaks with my mates, school sports and residentials. I liked the routine and the rigid nature of school suited me.

I had a difficult home life, and school was a real sanctury to me.

Same here. I felt safe in school which I didn’t at home.

applejane11 · 08/08/2026 23:00

ZeroMotivationWithTeens · 08/08/2026 22:59

Perhaps you should consider a different 'career' choice rather than being in an environment you so obviously hold in such contempt

I don't hold it in contempt. I'm listening to the students and I am trying to implement change.

OP posts:
ZeroMotivationWithTeens · 08/08/2026 22:59

Perhaps you should consider a different 'career' choice rather than being in an environment you so obviously hold in such contempt

applejane11 · 08/08/2026 22:57

EagerBeaver3 · 08/08/2026 22:56

100%. That was what I thought reading this thread.

Hmmm I work in a school, and students constantly talk to me about their issues. I'm concerned about them.

I think that's the opposite of projecting actually.

OP posts:
applejane11 · 08/08/2026 22:56

ZeroMotivationWithTeens · 08/08/2026 22:55

Honestly @applejane11 you sound more immature than my teens

You don't sound particularly mature yourself. Would you like to add anything to the discussion.

At least I didn't call anyone a patronising fucker.

Did you think that was mature for that poster to do that?

OP posts:
EagerBeaver3 · 08/08/2026 22:56

boblady · 08/08/2026 22:02

You are definitely projecting.

100%. That was what I thought reading this thread.

applejane11 · 08/08/2026 22:55

UnintentionalArcher · 08/08/2026 22:52

Just to settle this one, the legal definition of a child is anyone under 18. Therefore are many reasons that that’s important, to ensure teenage children and younger children are all protected and safeguarded:

The legal definition of a child is any person under the age of 18, a minor, or a son or daughter in relation to a parent. This standard age limit is used by civil legislation, the UNCRC and the Children Act 1989.

Yes of course. But we also refer to different ages as children and teenagers - as a way to differentiate them.

A poster wrote to me that children in her school are not allowed to leave alone to go to the bathroom. Obviously young children are not allowed to go to the bathroom alone.I then wrote that the teenagers in my school are allowed to go to the bathroom alone.

Why are we still having this discussion over this point 20 posts later. It's been done.

OP posts:
ZeroMotivationWithTeens · 08/08/2026 22:55

Honestly @applejane11 you sound more immature than my teens

applejane11 · 08/08/2026 22:53

Iris2020 · 08/08/2026 22:52

That's good to hear. My thoughts were outdated.

Generally I understand the OP - I think in some schools there's too much control by the sounds of it. My current experience is limited to.primary and they are very relaxed about uniform etc

Edited

That's great that your school is relaxed about uniforms. It's been such a hot summer.

OP posts:
sunsettosunrise · 08/08/2026 22:53

I went to secondary in the 2010s, so it was fairly recently and I loved it. Engaging with my teachers, learning new things, spending the breaks with my mates, school sports and residentials. I liked the routine and the rigid nature of school suited me.

I had a difficult home life, and school was a real sanctury to me.

UnintentionalArcher · 08/08/2026 22:52

applejane11 · 08/08/2026 22:29

No they don't.
I have never once heard anyone refer to a teenager in my school as a child.

I just looked at my school's website. The word 'child' is not anywhere on it. The words: 'student', 'teenager' and 'adolescent 'are on it

I didn't bring this topic up by the way. A poster wrote that children are not allowed to leave the classroom to go to the bathroom. She must work in a primary school. I then clarified that I work with teenagers, not young children. The teenagers in my school are allowed to leave class to go to the bathroom at times.

Just to settle this one, the legal definition of a child is anyone under 18. Therefore are many reasons that that’s important, to ensure teenage children and younger children are all protected and safeguarded:

The legal definition of a child is any person under the age of 18, a minor, or a son or daughter in relation to a parent. This standard age limit is used by civil legislation, the UNCRC and the Children Act 1989.

Iris2020 · 08/08/2026 22:52

PensionPuzzle · 08/08/2026 22:49

Just on the off chance anyone reading this is interested in the coursework point, dear Michael Gove got rid of controlled assessment in GCSEs during his reforms. The BTECs still have a mix but they are very heavily externally moderated now, unlike the older BTECs which were patchy in that regard. And they have exams to sit too.

A level sciences have a set of required practicals and we have an external moderator visit to check those, but they don't actually contribute to the student grade. As far as I know the other A levels we run are all terminal exams taken in yr13 too- there's no doing a bit in yr12 then doing the rest in yr13 either any more.

That's good to hear. My thoughts were outdated.

Generally I understand the OP - I think in some schools there's too much control by the sounds of it. My current experience is limited to.primary and they are very relaxed about uniform etc

applejane11 · 08/08/2026 22:52

Happytaytos · 08/08/2026 22:50

Read your thread hun if you want to know.

I already know. I'm including it in the post telling you I don't want to talk to you. If you harass me again - I will report you again.

Some of the worst, abusive people Ive seen on mumsnet are on here saying that they are working in schools.

You've really proved my point. Schools need to change

OP posts:
User79853257976 · 08/08/2026 22:51

applejane11 · 08/08/2026 21:24

Yes also the level of disruption is another thing. I don't think one adult trying to control 30 teenagers was ever a well thought out idea. Its not good for teachers or students. The staff to student ratio does not work

But you’ve just said they sit in silence. That is very rare. Also, regarding the points you’ve made about being allowed to go to the toilet, there would be a constant stream of children in and out of classrooms and some try to meet their friends and vape.

applejane11 · 08/08/2026 22:50

InOverMyHead84 · 08/08/2026 22:46

I stand here, and say this based on objective deconstruction of your posts and responses to points made.

You are a liar. You are a fantasist.

And you are playing us for your own amusement.

Lucky you that I am happy to play. You should be thanking me.

Edited

Your posts are nuts. Im honestly sad for the students in your school. I wish I could report you to your safeguarding lead. Would she like what you are doing?

It's easy for you to abuse people behind an anonymous website isn't it. If only your school knew what you are really like.

OP posts:
Happytaytos · 08/08/2026 22:50

applejane11 · 08/08/2026 22:48

Again who said I don't know that. I didn't write that I don't know that.

You just eh ...made that up didn't you.

You're the one that called me a patronising fucker right? I don't really want to engage with that abusive level of posting. If you write to me again, I will ignore you

Read your thread hun if you want to know.

Happytaytos · 08/08/2026 22:49

*So are you saying that all children in school are treated the same, no matter if they are 7 or 16?

Every age has different guidelines.*

Not when it comes to KCSIE they don't.

PensionPuzzle · 08/08/2026 22:49

Just on the off chance anyone reading this is interested in the coursework point, dear Michael Gove got rid of controlled assessment in GCSEs during his reforms. The BTECs still have a mix but they are very heavily externally moderated now, unlike the older BTECs which were patchy in that regard. And they have exams to sit too.

A level sciences have a set of required practicals and we have an external moderator visit to check those, but they don't actually contribute to the student grade. As far as I know the other A levels we run are all terminal exams taken in yr13 too- there's no doing a bit in yr12 then doing the rest in yr13 either any more.

applejane11 · 08/08/2026 22:48

Happytaytos · 08/08/2026 22:44

You definitely don't work in a school with good safeguarding if you don't know that KCSIE applies to all under 18.

Again who said I don't know that. I didn't write that I don't know that.

You just eh ...made that up didn't you.

You're the one that called me a patronising fucker right? I don't really want to engage with that abusive level of posting. If you write to me again, I will ignore you

OP posts:
InOverMyHead84 · 08/08/2026 22:46

applejane11 · 08/08/2026 22:44

Calling someone a liar and telling them that their job is imaginary is abusive.

I hope that you don't talk to your students like that!

Isn't the more adult thing to do - is to enter a discussion with someone.

I think you need to get more safeguarding training from your safeguarding lead....hun

I stand here, and say this based on objective deconstruction of your posts and responses to points made.

You are a liar. You are a fantasist.

And you are playing us for your own amusement.

Lucky you that I am happy to play. You should be thanking me.

applejane11 · 08/08/2026 22:46

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I don't drink alcohol. Do you? It's a strange thing to bring up out of nowhere.

So this person, inovermyhead84 who was banging on about safeguarding in her school, has now said that I'm in an imaginary job, and also out of nowhere asked me am I drinking alcohol?

Wow. Wow. Wow. You work in a school. You;re a good example of what I was talking about. We need change.

OP posts:
applejane11 · 08/08/2026 22:44

InOverMyHead84 · 08/08/2026 22:41

I mean, at best patronising. I should probably try harder too.

Saying I don't believe you, that is not abusive. Based on the nonsense you are coming out with, i'm perfectly justified.

Edited

Calling someone a liar and telling them that their job is imaginary is abusive.

I hope that you don't talk to your students like that!

Isn't the more adult thing to do - is to enter a discussion with someone.

I think you need to get more safeguarding training from your safeguarding lead....hun

OP posts:
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