AIBU not getting into debt to go on holiday?

This post makes me feel really conflicted. Your been a single parent for 8 years, yet your children are now young adults. OP hasnt been away for over 30 years so its just not a priority, I do think thats sad. Im guessing your on a low wage and seeing the world and giving your children the gift of travel as not important. If its between housing and food or a holiday obvs its being able to house, feed and cloth but decorating. Essential jobs need doing but you have been decorating for 20+ years.
For reference I grew up with caravan holidays in Cornwall every year, it made me sad to listen to my school friends exciting adventures. We take our children away at least once a year, it's a priority for us but we are in position that we can do both home improvements and holidays.

Don’t feel bad at all. Your dc had a loving mother and a comfortable home. I have always paid off my credit card in full every month (I am touching wood here!). I have never borrowed money for anything other than mortgage nor had a car on finance etc. I earn an ok but not amazing salary. My parents have helped me out a bit at times. My dc have never been on a plane. Our holidays are UK based.

I understand that not everyone is lucky to have a job that pays the bills etc. however I really don’t get why people deliberately go into debt for non essentials. I think you did the right thing.

Being a mum comes with no end of attempts from other people to ty and make you feel guilty about something.
You’ve worked hard, given your children everything they need. Don’t feel bad about anything. My parents had five of us and little spare money and I didn’t fly anywhere until I could fund it myself.
I bet your unsupportive ex has had a holiday since he left you to raise them with no help.
Maybe you can look forward to a family trip with lump sum on retirement. A chance to celebrate your amazing achievement of raising them all.

OP, have a look at voyage prive...it's a discounted holiday website..sometimes 80% off! I've used them myself 2bor 3 times and it's been fine..the holidays change every month and you can only book up.to 6 months ahead I think..but the same trips come back around..free to join, it's a no brainer really
Voyage prive

From the OP: The 3 older dc are young adults but have never even been on a plane. We used to do caravan holidays but they stopped wanting to go about 3 years ago.

Your DC have been on holidays until fairly recently. Given the oldest 3 are in their 20s that's most of/ their entire childhoods. A holiday in the UK is still a holiday and anyone who thinks otherwise is bonkers. A comfortable bed enabling adequate sleep is more important than additional holiday spending.

Yes.

concentrate on the house as it desperately needed decorating, new flooring and furniture

It is completely fine that you have prioritised the above, but we didn't.
We had threadbare carpets and second hand stuff, so we could have holidays.

There isnt anything wrong with what either of us did, we just cut our cloth accordingly.

I'm 63 and didn’t get on a plane until I was 25. My parents were not well off but we had an idyllic week on the coast in a holiday cottage and lots of time roaming our home area with our friends and bicycles, and the occasional day out. I had a hobby entirely separate from this and did it several days a week. It's not worth getting into debt over.

Exactly this!

I never went on holiday as a child but I don't resent my parents over that at all and I can't believe anyone does. They were doing their best by us and we had days out that were fun & lots of freedom playing out with our friends. It was different then though and people didn't go on holiday as much as they do now.

I am in a similar position to you OP, single & can't afford to take my young adult kids on holidays abroad.
They know this though & certainly wouldn't expect me to go in to debt to do it. They aren't spoilt or materialistic which I am grateful for & now go on holiday with friends which they save up for themselves & I contribute what I can to.

I am sure you have given your children plenty of great experiences over the years - why is sitting by a pool in the sun, which is all some people do on holiday, such an amazing experience anyway?

And at the end of the day, what children actually need growing up is your time, love, support and stability. If you have given them that then you have done a great job, whether you took them on abroad holidays or not.

You did caravan holidays.

And presumably you haven't spent their lives doing nothing but decorating the house, but had fun together at home and around your area.

"Making memories" doesn't have to be abroad spending a shit ton of money you don't have.

Did I read your OP right and you did caravan holidays? Just never went aboard? That is going on holiday!

That's exactly the choice my parents made when I was a kid - nicer house, but UK caravan holidays rather than abroad. And it was the right choice - I love that I'm better travelled in the UK than lots of people I know.

Now I'm married with kids and we can afford to go abroad every year, but still sometimes choose UK caravan breaks.

People's priorities can be so squiffy sometimes if they actively choose to go into debt for a holiday.

I don't get this obsession people have with holidays 🤷 we never went as kids and we turned out fine if you can't afford it you can't afford it?

I’ve used credit cards for holidays abroad as a single parent to 3. I did all UK holidays (camping, caravans, cottages) up until the eldest was year 6 and have managed to take them away 3 times since abroad- just so they had that experience (same as their school friends). The eldest isn’t bothered in the slightest, the middle one seems happy whatever we do but my youngest notices what his friends do more and will mention holidays all the time.

I’ve had to use credit cards in part- which I’m still paying off, interest free, and I can afford the payments. I don’t regret it one bit. I knew I wouldn’t as I had a childhood where I got to adulthood having never been on a plane. I remember that feeling of embarrassment when school friends talked about holidays (Christmas presents too). I don’t blame my mum though. There is no right or wrong really- you’re doing your best and they are loved and that’s the main thing.

I disagree. It's having a livable home for years I over a one week trip. My home has some rundown parts but for op's family to have presentable beds and not crumbling floors they feel good in everyday is more important. She's not talking about expensive artwork.

Anyway, you don't need to leave the country to have experiences. Let's not give a hard working single mom with no help from her ex a hard time please.

This is important and a much better way to spend your money. It’ll last a great deal longer than a 2 week holiday.

Many DC do not get to go on holiday, the adult children although embarrassed they haven’t been on a plane will understand that you’ve brought up 4 kids on your own so it wasn’t viable. They can now start doing those holidays themselves as well as being able to have friends/partners over.

Don’t feel bad. You’ve given them everything you could afford.

I do put holidays on my cc sometimes and I also book a year early with TUI usually and pay in instalments. However, that’s because we’ve two wages coming in - so we deal with this together. Having that debt to yourself knowing you’ll find it difficult to pay off isn’t a great idea and I wouldn’t do it if it was just me and the kids here.

I’d never go on holiday if I then had to come back and spent months paying it back - it would really take the shine off it for me

op don’t listen to the nonsense here. You did the right thing. I was 24 before I went on a plane.
My dm was a single parent when df passed away when I was a child. The priority was to feed and educate us. We knew the sacrifices and struggle and now in turn make sure my dm travels and I have been to almost all continents and SO many countries as an adult, my kids are so very well traveled.
We turned that around and never felt like we missed out. How can you miss out on something you don’t know.
Going into debt for a bed while needing a bed is terrible advice. Your kids can make their way and travel if they want to in future

I once bought a holiday using PayPal credit as tbf we were desperate and been on one for ages. It was good but pissed me off still paying for it long after we’d gone!

Regular holidays abroad are a relatively recent thing apart from the elite (post WWII). Travel is amazing if you can manage it financially, but they have plenty of time to travel and explore! And also, more people are starting to realise that typical holidays just arent for them, that theyre too overwhelming with travel etc. Back in the 60s air travel was luxurious, now we're stuffed in like sardines and a lot of people just arent that bothered by it.

YANBU @DoYouThinkAbout please don't beat yourself up over this

But, you did take them on holiday - in a caravan. Those are perfectly valid and fun holidays. They have now outgrown them, but they would have outgrown holidays abroad with their mum too.

Holidays are very important to me, and I do prioritise them above many things. But the important thing is the time together, not ticking countries off a list.

You did bring them on holidays, caravan holidays. And now they can and are going abroad themselves.

The redecorating...I presume it really needed to be done and you weren't ripping out perfectly good rooms...

Sounds like you did a great job as a single mum.

You've been a single parent for 8 years, 8 years ago your eldest was 16 but has never been abroad? You can pay for euro tunnel crossings with clubcard vouchers and eurocamp and similar are affordable if you saved even for 3-4 years when you were a two income household. You just don't prioritise holidays and that's your preference. I do. We can afford several holidays a year now, but even when I was a teen/early 20s I used to have extra jobs to save for a cheap holiday, backpacks, hostels etc, because I love to travel. Just different preferences. I didn't go abroad until I was about 12 and even then only 3 times with my parents and they were pretty budget trips, but I remember so much of those holidays and experiences.
I have never gone into debt for a holiday though, so we agree on that!

Well it sounds like you've raised them to be as sensible as you OP given that you say they are saving for their own holidays - they're avoiding getting into debt for a holiday too. Very wise, I think. Debt for anything non-essential is to be avoided I think. It only takes a change in circumstances for debts to quickly get out of hand.

We still go on holidays with ours who are 27, 26 and 20! They do their own thing but still love to come away with us (obv helps that we pay for them) but don’t discount it just because they are a bit older. We hope to do it for years to come

We all have different priorities - it would appear holidays are not one for OP
I can’t remember the last time I decorated - however my house is clean tidy and very neutral so not a huge issue
I do prioritise holidays though and always managed at least one holiday a year when DC were younger
When they were younger it was caravan parks or camping - once they went to
high school - I could work FT without child care costs and managed to save a little each month for a cheap sunshine holiday
I would only buy things on credit including holidays to spread the load - but always pay off before any interest kick in