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Whats the point of consent and asking permission if you get lied to

610 replies

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 17:52

Whats the point of consent and permission ? friends meal and they cover the cost, they said here is x amount get what you want, so permission is asked what the limit is eg £20 and i can get whatever food / takeaway with it, the yes permission is given that i can buy what i want within the budget.

turns out a day or two after wards a sarcastic comment was made because i had 2 jacket potatoes with different toppings, so i said why is that an issue and it turns out that they still thought id get one instead of two ,

so i said i asked permission of what the budget was and i did ask what i could get then all i got was oh id still thought you would get 1 so i said why then say i can get x why not just say and be honest.

i guess this is more me moaning but why do people do this, say yes to x then they actually want you do to x instead its like why ?

before anyone asks we usually do a weekly meal out, and no they are fairly wealthy

OP posts:
murasaki · Today 21:22

The shark has surely been jumped now, come on OP, give over, you know you've been behaving badly for ages. And sack off the Sheldon analogues, it's not big and it's not clever.

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Today 21:22

Woodfiresareamazing2 · Today 21:22

That can be debated.

But that's not what the original question was.

Normally friends would take it in turns to pay, split the bill each time, or just pay for themselves.

But for some reason, some dynamic we don't understand, the friend always wants to pay.
Maybe she is much better off than OP 🤷‍♀️

she is

OP posts:
MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Today 21:22

IDontHateRainbows · Today 21:17

Shove a lump of coal up OPs arse see if a diamond falls out 2 weeks later...

id be a diamond machine

OP posts:
Woodfiresareamazing2 · Today 21:22

Firefly1987 · Today 21:13

If it's too hard to understand social norms like this they could always pay for themselves, OP is reluctant to do this. She almost seems to see it as a favour to her friend that she allows her to "play host" and pay for her!

That can be debated.

But that's not what the original question was.

Normally friends would take it in turns to pay, split the bill each time, or just pay for themselves.

But for some reason, some dynamic we don't understand, the friend always wants to pay.
Maybe she is much better off than OP 🤷‍♀️

ShetlandishMum · Today 21:19

MademoisellePraline · Today 21:17

No.

The error is your refusal to remotely educate yourself on what is socially acceptable. Or rather know perfectly well it's unacceptable but think you've got some entitlement because "literal wording."

It's not ok to be repeatedly greedy on someone else's buck, with this juvenile "gotcha on the wording" which you seem to think sounds clever and justified. All it does is make you look even more greedy and ill mannered.

Tbh a lot of ND mostly with autism (not all of course) are stuck in this.
It's a bit sad really.

MademoisellePraline · Today 21:17

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Today 21:11

from a literatel point of view the error was telling a person what ever they want

No.

The error is your refusal to remotely educate yourself on what is socially acceptable. Or rather know perfectly well it's unacceptable but think you've got some entitlement because "literal wording."

It's not ok to be repeatedly greedy on someone else's buck, with this juvenile "gotcha on the wording" which you seem to think sounds clever and justified. All it does is make you look even more greedy and ill mannered.

IDontHateRainbows · Today 21:17

ineedadehumidifier · Yesterday 18:19

Fair point. Are you “tight” op, since you never pay?

Shove a lump of coal up OPs arse see if a diamond falls out 2 weeks later...

Woodfiresareamazing2 · Today 21:17

MademoisellePraline · Today 21:09

@MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe

Let's go with a conversation with me, and Jane. Jane is someone who thinks it's quirky to ensure social norms don't apply to her, because even if she didn't know at first, she alleges still not to understand when over a hundred people have explained it at the level a bowl of trifle would have comprehended by now.

Me: Hi Jane, want to come round tomorrow?

Jane: Sure, shall I come at 3pm? What shall we do?

Me: Whatever you like. See you at 3pm.

Jane then turns up at 3pm, strips off and rolls around my living room floor.

Me: Jane? Wtaf are you doing?

Jane: Why must you talk in riddles? Why say do whatever I like when clearly you didn't mean it.

Do you see how it should not be necessary to explain to a grown adult with a basic education of manners and etiquette, that they won't be permitted to roll on the floor naked? Do you see how utterly childish and ridiculous that person would be, 20 pages into a thread to still be claiming "but, but she said whatever I like"

That's a ridiculous analogy.

ShetlandishMum · Today 21:16

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Today 21:12

yes i now know when a person says order what ever you want i now know to ask does that mean one poatoe two potaoes or does that mean chips , can i have fish or sausage etc

Did you get the 'pay your own food' instead of overcomplicating a lunch?

Firefly1987 · Today 21:13

Woodfiresareamazing2 · Today 20:56

I have over 20 years experience of working with a wide range of ND students.

Maybe those posting on here don't agree, but I know from extensive lived experience that many ND people would see this the way OP does.

If it's too hard to understand social norms like this they could always pay for themselves, OP is reluctant to do this. She almost seems to see it as a favour to her friend that she allows her to "play host" and pay for her!

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Today 21:12

ShetlandishMum · Today 21:10

Then educate yourself.

yes i now know when a person says order what ever you want i now know to ask does that mean one poatoe two potaoes or does that mean chips , can i have fish or sausage etc

OP posts:
MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Today 21:11

MademoisellePraline · Today 21:09

@MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe

Let's go with a conversation with me, and Jane. Jane is someone who thinks it's quirky to ensure social norms don't apply to her, because even if she didn't know at first, she alleges still not to understand when over a hundred people have explained it at the level a bowl of trifle would have comprehended by now.

Me: Hi Jane, want to come round tomorrow?

Jane: Sure, shall I come at 3pm? What shall we do?

Me: Whatever you like. See you at 3pm.

Jane then turns up at 3pm, strips off and rolls around my living room floor.

Me: Jane? Wtaf are you doing?

Jane: Why must you talk in riddles? Why say do whatever I like when clearly you didn't mean it.

Do you see how it should not be necessary to explain to a grown adult with a basic education of manners and etiquette, that they won't be permitted to roll on the floor naked? Do you see how utterly childish and ridiculous that person would be, 20 pages into a thread to still be claiming "but, but she said whatever I like"

from a literatel point of view the error was telling a person what ever they want

OP posts:
ShetlandishMum · Today 21:10

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Today 21:10

not confirmed but i suspect im on the spectrum

Then educate yourself.

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Today 21:10

ShetlandishMum · Today 20:55

Are you ND? You have never answered the question.

not confirmed but i suspect im on the spectrum

OP posts:
MademoisellePraline · Today 21:09

@MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe

Let's go with a conversation with me, and Jane. Jane is someone who thinks it's quirky to ensure social norms don't apply to her, because even if she didn't know at first, she alleges still not to understand when over a hundred people have explained it at the level a bowl of trifle would have comprehended by now.

Me: Hi Jane, want to come round tomorrow?

Jane: Sure, shall I come at 3pm? What shall we do?

Me: Whatever you like. See you at 3pm.

Jane then turns up at 3pm, strips off and rolls around my living room floor.

Me: Jane? Wtaf are you doing?

Jane: Why must you talk in riddles? Why say do whatever I like when clearly you didn't mean it.

Do you see how it should not be necessary to explain to a grown adult with a basic education of manners and etiquette, that they won't be permitted to roll on the floor naked? Do you see how utterly childish and ridiculous that person would be, 20 pages into a thread to still be claiming "but, but she said whatever I like"

ShetlandishMum · Today 21:08

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Today 21:07

very big thank you for this

You only thank and respond to certain answers don't you?

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Today 21:07

Woodfiresareamazing2 · Today 21:06

OP was NOT "told to order lunch".

She was told she could order whatever she wanted, up to a maximum budget of £20.

For those saying it was rude to ask what the budget was, the friend had previously commented on how much OP'S choice had cost (details of that particular meal are upthread, and I can't remember them offhand. I do remember that it wasn't expensive).
So this time OP clarified what the budget was, to avoid a repeat of the previous issue.
Again, this makes sense.

Whilst two jacket potatoes might seem a lot, they were apparently not very big, and cost a total of £7.
OP'S friend had fish and chips, which cost £12 or £14, I can't remember exactly (see upthread).

So OP was not ordering an expensive meal - it was almost like having two starters instead of a main.

I actually can't understand the amount of grief OP has had over this.

very big thank you for this

OP posts:
Woodfiresareamazing2 · Today 21:06

ImmortalSnowman · Today 20:37

No one played word games. You were told to order lunch. You shouldn't need to be told not to order two lunches.

OP was NOT "told to order lunch".

She was told she could order whatever she wanted, up to a maximum budget of £20.

For those saying it was rude to ask what the budget was, the friend had previously commented on how much OP'S choice had cost (details of that particular meal are upthread, and I can't remember them offhand. I do remember that it wasn't expensive).
So this time OP clarified what the budget was, to avoid a repeat of the previous issue.
Again, this makes sense.

Whilst two jacket potatoes might seem a lot, they were apparently not very big, and cost a total of £7.
OP'S friend had fish and chips, which cost £12 or £14, I can't remember exactly (see upthread).

So OP was not ordering an expensive meal - it was almost like having two starters instead of a main.

I actually can't understand the amount of grief OP has had over this.

ShetlandishMum · Today 20:58

Woodfiresareamazing2 · Today 20:56

I have over 20 years experience of working with a wide range of ND students.

Maybe those posting on here don't agree, but I know from extensive lived experience that many ND people would see this the way OP does.

True but most would try harder to understand what is explained to OP.

Woodfiresareamazing2 · Today 20:56

ImmortalSnowman · Today 20:35

The ND people on this thread have disagreed with this.

I have over 20 years experience of working with a wide range of ND students.

Maybe those posting on here don't agree, but I know from extensive lived experience that many ND people would see this the way OP does.

ShetlandishMum · Today 20:55

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Today 20:34

that what was the point ive been trying to get at, and yes i many have been an ass with making the point

Are you ND? You have never answered the question.

Woodfiresareamazing2 · Today 20:54

KilkennyCats · Today 20:45

Are all nd people stingy bastards, then, who can’t understand why they shouldn’t leave other people to pick up the tab all the time?
I don’t think so.

OP says her friend always insists on paying.

Of course she could be telling a lie about that ...

If I was OP, going forward I would insist on taking turns to pay, or at least paying for myself.
But I'm not ND, and I'm not OP ...

ShetlandishMum · Today 20:47

ImmortalSnowman · Today 20:44

It probably is all a work of fiction. @MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe claims to use AI to write creative stories. That Sheldon post reeked of AI.

Agree.

KilkennyCats · Today 20:45

Woodfiresareamazing2 · Today 20:33

It's really not. To an ND person it makes complete sense, and it is literally correct.

Are all nd people stingy bastards, then, who can’t understand why they shouldn’t leave other people to pick up the tab all the time?
I don’t think so.

ImmortalSnowman · Today 20:44

ShetlandishMum · Today 20:41

I'm aware of that but if you're a ND person you can try to reflect on a situation and try to understand your own influence.

OP doesn't do any work what so ever.
None! but keeps messing around in a crappy fictional world. It doesn't really seem real.

Edited

It probably is all a work of fiction. @MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe claims to use AI to write creative stories. That Sheldon post reeked of AI.