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Whats the point of consent and asking permission if you get lied to

631 replies

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 17:52

Whats the point of consent and permission ? friends meal and they cover the cost, they said here is x amount get what you want, so permission is asked what the limit is eg £20 and i can get whatever food / takeaway with it, the yes permission is given that i can buy what i want within the budget.

turns out a day or two after wards a sarcastic comment was made because i had 2 jacket potatoes with different toppings, so i said why is that an issue and it turns out that they still thought id get one instead of two ,

so i said i asked permission of what the budget was and i did ask what i could get then all i got was oh id still thought you would get 1 so i said why then say i can get x why not just say and be honest.

i guess this is more me moaning but why do people do this, say yes to x then they actually want you do to x instead its like why ?

before anyone asks we usually do a weekly meal out, and no they are fairly wealthy

OP posts:
Millytante · Yesterday 19:07

BeardySchnauzer · Yesterday 19:03

Or next time why don’t you say

you've been really generous but I think from now on we should pay for our own meals

Very good idea.

Newbutoldfather · Yesterday 19:06

@MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe ,

I am going to take you at you word when you ask ‘why do I have to guess’.

A lot of human interaction is based on trust, and that ends up being called etiquette in this kind of situation.

Most people (other than children or very young adults) wouldn’t ask a budget if someone was treating them to a meal. You would trust them to pay having offered and not pull out last minute, and they would trust you to order sensible things from the menu (or take your cue from them).

Most of that comes from being taught it from parents originally, or other family. And sticking to etiquette reinforces friendship.

It is a part of building trust with someone.

If the above is honestly a shock or seems wrong to you, I think you are neurodivergent. But, if you are, you need to read the majority of the answers (although I do dislike the unfriendly tone) and learn from them.

bettyrubble99 · Yesterday 19:06

I'm probably the only one who gets what you mean OP

You asked how much you had to order with
Friend told you £20
You ordered 2 jacket potatoes & your friend was a bit snarky that you ordered two things rather than just one even though you didn't go over the budget but may have found it uncouth you ordered two dinners rather than just one.

Hope i made sense x

Millytante · Yesterday 19:05

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 18:30

well saying have what you want then moaning when i do have what i want does seem tight ?

You'll have to make allowances for these friends of yours. They were probably just repelled and appalled by your clear and calculating greed, and I very much doubt it’s the first time you’ve revealed it with them.
If you want the friendship to continue, insist that the next meal is on you. With drinks and dessert. Do not take no for an answer, no matter how you are tempted when they try to wave away this proposal that you pay, for once.
(You should also apologise for embarrassing them last time. Just briefly, no need for discussion.)
.

ShetlandishMum · Yesterday 19:05

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 19:01

because once they moaned about the cost of x dinner, so to prevent that i have to ask the budget

No. You have to be an adult and pay your own meals.

BeardySchnauzer · Yesterday 19:05

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 19:04

i offer but get told my treat etc

So you insist. Unbelievable you intend to keep enjoying her generosity while bitching about her!

FaceEatingLeopard · Yesterday 19:04

Frumpitydoo · Yesterday 19:03

Are the people who bang on about teeny tiny competitive undereaters all Jabba The Hutesque fatties? I eat very small meals so i can be a healthy size 10. It's so yragic this guilt projection byvall the greedy fatties on here.

I do think if you're going to attempt pissiness then you should probably try to be slightly more eloquent in your pissiness.

Howmuchisthatparrotinthewindow · Yesterday 19:04

This place has become batshit recently 😂

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 19:04

murasaki · Yesterday 19:02

You still haven't said if you have any intention of buying your lovely friend lunch. Do you?

i offer but get told my treat etc

OP posts:
ShetlandishMum · Yesterday 19:03

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 19:03

they were medium poatoes, nothing special like those spud man ones

But you wouldn't stave to dead having one? Would yuu?

CowboyBuilders · Yesterday 19:03

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 19:00

because ive not asked them the direct question about that so yes i have to guess on that one

I thought you didn't like 'guessing'.

ALovelyPinkUnicorn · Yesterday 19:03

Woodfiresareamazing2 · Yesterday 19:01

A jacket potato was £3.50, × 2 =£7

OP'S friend had £12 fish and chips.

So OP did order a cheap meal.

I don't understand what the friend's problem is.

Where is a filled bp £3.50? I took it as 1 bp is £7 so x2 =£14….

BeardySchnauzer · Yesterday 19:03

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 19:01

because once they moaned about the cost of x dinner, so to prevent that i have to ask the budget

Or next time why don’t you say

you've been really generous but I think from now on we should pay for our own meals

MrsMitford3 · Yesterday 19:03

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 17:56

because usually once a week we have a catchup and its there treat

I am sorry but I can not leave this...

THEIR

Frumpitydoo · Yesterday 19:03

Are the people who bang on about teeny tiny competitive undereaters all Jabba The Hutesque fatties? I eat very small meals so i can be a healthy size 10. It's so yragic this guilt projection byvall the greedy fatties on here.

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 19:03

Brawsome · Yesterday 19:02

That makes no sense at all. One more expensive plate of food is somehow preferable to a cheaper option, regardless of OP’s concern about budget? None of us saw the potatoes, they may have been disappointingly small.

they were medium poatoes, nothing special like those spud man ones

OP posts:
murasaki · Yesterday 19:02

You still haven't said if you have any intention of buying your lovely friend lunch. Do you?

MID50s · Yesterday 19:02

Could you not have just said something like ‘oh I’m starving, or one potato won’t fill me, is it ok if I get 2?’ beforehand maybe?
seems like you are taking the mick a bit to me.

KilkennyCats · Yesterday 19:02

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 19:01

because once they moaned about the cost of x dinner, so to prevent that i have to ask the budget

No, the correct response was to actually offer to pay yourself once in a while.

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 19:02

Woodfiresareamazing2 · Yesterday 19:01

A jacket potato was £3.50, × 2 =£7

OP'S friend had £12 fish and chips.

So OP did order a cheap meal.

I don't understand what the friend's problem is.

it is a puzzlement

OP posts:
Brawsome · Yesterday 19:02

murasaki · Yesterday 18:58

OK, think of it this way. There is a price limit for lunch. Lunch is one plate of food.

You got two. She would have been happier with a more expensive one plate, as that is lunch.

That makes no sense at all. One more expensive plate of food is somehow preferable to a cheaper option, regardless of OP’s concern about budget? None of us saw the potatoes, they may have been disappointingly small.

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 19:01

KilkennyCats · Yesterday 19:00

God, you allow them to pay every single week and actually asked what the budget is before ordering? How crass are you?

because once they moaned about the cost of x dinner, so to prevent that i have to ask the budget

OP posts:
ShetlandishMum · Yesterday 19:01

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 18:59

i take answers like sheldon cooper does from big bang theory, if i ask do i have permission to do x and they say i can then i dont want to waste time second guessing, its not my fault people say x but mean y etc

Stop acting like a movie star and get a grip. You acted gready. Work on your approach to other people's kind offers and money. And pay your own lunch.

Woodfiresareamazing2 · Yesterday 19:01

Beeloux · Yesterday 18:57

Sorry but I think that’s really rude. I’ve had friends do similar and cut them off pronto.

Why aren’t you ordering your own meal? If I am getting treated to a meal, I make sure to order one of the cheapest options.

A jacket potato was £3.50, × 2 =£7

OP'S friend had £12 fish and chips.

So OP did order a cheap meal.

I don't understand what the friend's problem is.

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 19:01

murasaki · Yesterday 19:00

A lot of human interaction is second guessing. And etiquette. You've not admitted an autism diagnosis but it seems clear to me.

Offer to pay for the next meal.

but why then do we have yes and no if we have to guess ?

OP posts:
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