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Whats the point of consent and asking permission if you get lied to

699 replies

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · 08/08/2026 17:52

Whats the point of consent and permission ? friends meal and they cover the cost, they said here is x amount get what you want, so permission is asked what the limit is eg £20 and i can get whatever food / takeaway with it, the yes permission is given that i can buy what i want within the budget.

turns out a day or two after wards a sarcastic comment was made because i had 2 jacket potatoes with different toppings, so i said why is that an issue and it turns out that they still thought id get one instead of two ,

so i said i asked permission of what the budget was and i did ask what i could get then all i got was oh id still thought you would get 1 so i said why then say i can get x why not just say and be honest.

i guess this is more me moaning but why do people do this, say yes to x then they actually want you do to x instead its like why ?

before anyone asks we usually do a weekly meal out, and no they are fairly wealthy

OP posts:
Terfarina · 08/08/2026 20:47

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · 08/08/2026 20:45

i order because they were medium sized poatoes

whatever - you ordered two mains.

what do you bring to the friendship or do you just take?

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · 08/08/2026 20:47

WhatNoRaisins · 08/08/2026 20:40

OP if your friend starts with that "I insist" stuff I would be honest. Say no, I'm sorry but you have expectations of what food I can order that I don't understand and so I find it too stressful when you buy food for me. I'll just buy my own and we'll eat together.

fair points

OP posts:
MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · 08/08/2026 20:46

ShetlandishMum · 08/08/2026 20:42

It makes you appear rigid and stuck. Drop it if you even want to continue your friendship or have the slightest desire to understand social relationships outside the world of fiction.

ok in real life when should yes mean no and no mean yes ?

OP posts:
MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · 08/08/2026 20:46

BeardySchnauzer · 08/08/2026 20:43

Asking permission is quite infantilising?

true but i would not need to if they didnt moan

OP posts:
MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · 08/08/2026 20:45

Terfarina · 08/08/2026 20:44

OP, your friend buys you lunch every week. What do you bring to the friendship? Do you help he with lifts to work, or babysitting, or gardening or is it just that you take because you believe she has more money than you?

Even people who are wealthy don't like feeling like they're being taken advantage of. And no one would say have what you like but don't order two mains - cos who orders two mains!

i order because they were medium sized poatoes

OP posts:
Terfarina · 08/08/2026 20:44

OP, your friend buys you lunch every week. What do you bring to the friendship? Do you help he with lifts to work, or babysitting, or gardening or is it just that you take because you believe she has more money than you?

Even people who are wealthy don't like feeling like they're being taken advantage of. And no one would say have what you like but don't order two mains - cos who orders two mains!

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · 08/08/2026 20:44

murasaki · 08/08/2026 20:42

HE IS NOT REAL, AND NOT A ROLE MODEL.

i know that, i used it as a way to explain how i understood people at times

OP posts:
ShetlandishMum · 08/08/2026 20:43

murasaki · 08/08/2026 20:42

HE IS NOT REAL, AND NOT A ROLE MODEL.

Thank you.

BeardySchnauzer · 08/08/2026 20:43

Asking permission is quite infantilising?

murasaki · 08/08/2026 20:42

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · 08/08/2026 20:38

i mentioned sheldon, because to him yes is yes no is no and help yourself is help yourself same with me, if i ask permission and get told yes then yes is yes

HE IS NOT REAL, AND NOT A ROLE MODEL.

ShetlandishMum · 08/08/2026 20:42

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · 08/08/2026 20:40

no but it helps me make my point of how i understand things when yes is yes etc

It makes you appear rigid and stuck. Drop it if you even want to continue your friendship or have the slightest desire to understand social relationships outside the world of fiction.

WhatNoRaisins · 08/08/2026 20:40

OP if your friend starts with that "I insist" stuff I would be honest. Say no, I'm sorry but you have expectations of what food I can order that I don't understand and so I find it too stressful when you buy food for me. I'll just buy my own and we'll eat together.

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · 08/08/2026 20:40

ShetlandishMum · 08/08/2026 20:38

You do realise it's fiction? Nothing to do with your friendship or lunch money.

Edited

no but it helps me make my point of how i understand things when yes is yes etc

OP posts:
ShetlandishMum · 08/08/2026 20:40

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · 08/08/2026 20:38

true, but people are difficult

Just pay your own food.

ShetlandishMum · 08/08/2026 20:38

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · 08/08/2026 20:38

i mentioned sheldon, because to him yes is yes no is no and help yourself is help yourself same with me, if i ask permission and get told yes then yes is yes

You do realise it's fiction? Nothing to do with your friendship or lunch money.

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · 08/08/2026 20:38

ShetlandishMum · 08/08/2026 20:37

Pay your own food and move on. Not that hard.

true, but people are difficult

OP posts:
MyIcyHeart · 08/08/2026 20:38

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · 08/08/2026 18:03

yes it was the poatoes rather than cost

Because it's greedy and taking the piss! Jesus wept...

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · 08/08/2026 20:38

BudgetBuster · 08/08/2026 20:34

No... surely not.
It's completely and utterly cheeky, greedy and downright rude. If you wanted two meals you either should have said something along the lines of "I'll get 2 potatoes as I think they're on the smaller side, is that OK?" or "I'll pay this week as I'm famished and going to get 2 orders... my treat this time"

You mention Sheldon Cooper quite a bit in this thread. Are you generally socially awkward do you think? I don't mean that in a rude way, but it might explain why you don't seem to be grasping the responses on this thread.

i mentioned sheldon, because to him yes is yes no is no and help yourself is help yourself same with me, if i ask permission and get told yes then yes is yes

OP posts:
ShetlandishMum · 08/08/2026 20:37

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · 08/08/2026 20:36

just friends from uni days

Pay your own food and move on. Not that hard.

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · 08/08/2026 20:36

BeardySchnauzer · 08/08/2026 20:35

Oh. I must read a lot more Cheeky Fucker threads than you then!!

mines more relationship ones or friend ones

OP posts:
MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · 08/08/2026 20:36

BeardySchnauzer · 08/08/2026 20:35

I don’t think OP wants to answer on the relationship but it certainly doesn’t sound like two equals

is she a flat mate? You seem to spend a lot of time together/communicate a lot

just friends from uni days

OP posts:
BeardySchnauzer · 08/08/2026 20:35

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · 08/08/2026 20:34

on general mumsnet it means cunty fucker or at least ive always known it to mean that

Oh. I must read a lot more Cheeky Fucker threads than you then!!

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · 08/08/2026 20:35

murasaki · 08/08/2026 20:34

The last time 2 jacket potatoes were so misunderstood, Brian Harvey got arrested.

but not because of them potatoes

OP posts:
ShetlandishMum · 08/08/2026 20:35

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · 08/08/2026 20:33

thats why im ranting on here, i value the friendship it just puzzles me
and yes i know your points are valid and thank you for them, its just im frustrated

Edited

So stop taking advantage of your friend.

BeardySchnauzer · 08/08/2026 20:35

I don’t think OP wants to answer on the relationship but it certainly doesn’t sound like two equals

is she a flat mate? You seem to spend a lot of time together/communicate a lot