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Whats the point of consent and asking permission if you get lied to

631 replies

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 17:52

Whats the point of consent and permission ? friends meal and they cover the cost, they said here is x amount get what you want, so permission is asked what the limit is eg £20 and i can get whatever food / takeaway with it, the yes permission is given that i can buy what i want within the budget.

turns out a day or two after wards a sarcastic comment was made because i had 2 jacket potatoes with different toppings, so i said why is that an issue and it turns out that they still thought id get one instead of two ,

so i said i asked permission of what the budget was and i did ask what i could get then all i got was oh id still thought you would get 1 so i said why then say i can get x why not just say and be honest.

i guess this is more me moaning but why do people do this, say yes to x then they actually want you do to x instead its like why ?

before anyone asks we usually do a weekly meal out, and no they are fairly wealthy

OP posts:
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MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Today 23:00

Woodfiresareamazing2 · Today 22:58

I am making sense.

Logic can be applied here, as ND people, and many others, like to do.

'You can order whatever you want to eat, to a maximum of £20.'

OP ordered food that cost £7, and ate it.

Logically, that checks out.
Where is the problem?

Now, as regards the question should OP always let the friend pay?

Obviously that's not how it usually works.

But there might be various reasons why the friend always pays: they are wealthy, or at least have quite a lot more money than OP; they enjoy treating OP; they enjoy having that 'power' over OP:?; they actually care for OP in some way; etc etc

The reason I'm "fighting OP's corner" as you say, is because I spent over 20 years working with ND students, and I think OP is being very harshly treated by many PPs.

basically they are wealthy and apricate the conversations and time, its they are also picky with money yet they still want to play host

OP posts:
Woodfiresareamazing2 · Today 22:58

KilkennyCats · Today 22:30

The unreasonable part isn’t eating one or two (or ten) meals. It’s eating multiple meals on someone else’s tab.
You’re so determined to fight op’s corner you seem unconcerned whether you’re actually making any sense. Why?

I am making sense.

Logic can be applied here, as ND people, and many others, like to do.

'You can order whatever you want to eat, to a maximum of £20.'

OP ordered food that cost £7, and ate it.

Logically, that checks out.
Where is the problem?

Now, as regards the question should OP always let the friend pay?

Obviously that's not how it usually works.

But there might be various reasons why the friend always pays: they are wealthy, or at least have quite a lot more money than OP; they enjoy treating OP; they enjoy having that 'power' over OP:?; they actually care for OP in some way; etc etc

The reason I'm "fighting OP's corner" as you say, is because I spent over 20 years working with ND students, and I think OP is being very harshly treated by many PPs.

ImmortalSnowman · Today 22:56

Why is the only thing @MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe 's friend said not being questioned is "insisting" she will pay?

A regular weekly catch up that is their (friend's) treat is how OP put it, how does that translate into friend insisting every week on paying.

Do you offer to pay every single week @MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe ? Are you not ashamed to take advantage of someone's good will every week?

ShetlandishMum · Today 22:52

MademoisellePraline · Today 22:50

She'd have to pay if she admitted it was glaringly obvious what she did wrong.

Best keep on at being "baffled". Free meals every week continue that way.

In a week or two we have a thread
"My friend doesn't take my calls after our last lunch - what did I wrong?".

MademoisellePraline · Today 22:50

ShetlandishMum · Today 22:48

People being ND can learn to do thing in a different way. If they want to. OP doesn't seem to be very keen to adapt new ways of lunch habits though.

She'd have to pay if she admitted it was glaringly obvious what she did wrong.

Best keep on at being "baffled". Free meals every week continue that way.

troothfairy · Today 22:49

@MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe you should definitely go for lunch with a Sheldon - please send us the transcript.

ShetlandishMum · Today 22:48

Woodfiresareamazing2 · Today 22:44

In my experience (22 years working with probably 100s of ND students), if someone insists on paying, that is what they would think.

@MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe does offer to pay, but her friend insists on paying.

People being ND can learn to do thing in a different way. If they want to. OP doesn't seem to be very keen to adapt new ways of lunch habits though.

ImmortalSnowman · Today 22:48

Children @Woodfiresareamazing2 ? Or at least people under 25.

@MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe is probably closer to your age.

ShetlandishMum · Today 22:46

KilkennyCats · Today 22:38

They don’t and what in the name of God are you still puzzled about? Haven’t you taken on board any of the responses at all?

OP won't get it or show any ability to reflect over own role in a friendship nor the responsibility of paying for meals.
If so it would have happened by now.

ImmortalSnowman · Today 22:44

A plain baked potato served with steak is a side, a baked potato served with cheese and beans is a main.

Hopefully OPs friend will have learned her lesson now and will stop paying for @MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe meals since she has no intention of paying for them both herself.

Woodfiresareamazing2 · Today 22:44

ImmortalSnowman · Today 22:29

Again, for an ND person, if they offer to pay and the other person says I insist, they will think they should let that person pay.

No @Woodfiresareamazing2 not true. A large number of my family and friends are all autistic or AuDHD, every one of us is rigid on paying our way. If somebody pays one week and insists on paying again the next they would be told no, it was not their turn. @MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe is happy to never offer to pay.

In my experience (22 years working with probably 100s of ND students), if someone insists on paying, that is what they would think.

@MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe does offer to pay, but her friend insists on paying.

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Today 22:40

Woodfiresareamazing2 · Today 22:38

Have you seen the menu for the restaurant/cafe OP and her friend ate at to know what a jacket potato was listed as? Please do share if you have.

But it really doesn't matter if they're listed as a main or a side.
OP wasn't told she could order 1 main meal, she was told she could "order whatever she wanted" up to a maximum of £20.

If I was OP and I wanted two jacket potatoes for £7, having been told I could "order whatever I wanted" up to £20, then yes, I would have ordered them.

She didn't say she wanted two to her friend in advance of ordering because they cost £7 for two, way under the budget the friend had set.

She had previously ordered a small extra to a meal, something like adding mushy peas to an order of fish and chips (i can't remember exactly, it's listed upthread), which caused the friend to comment.

OP asked about the budget because she didn't want to upset her friend.

She asked for clarity as to what she could order.

If the friend was really unhappy she has the option of not paying for OP any more. OP is not MAKING her do it.

thank you x

OP posts:
Woodfiresareamazing2 · Today 22:38

ImmortalSnowman · Today 22:20

@Woodfiresareamazing2 Or you could look at it that @MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe was being passive aggressive by asking how much of her friend's money she could spend because she unexpectedly added extra to a previous order and her friend was surprised by the rudeness.

Assuming you may be autistic too, jacket potatoes are listed under main meals, two different jacket potatoes is two main meals. Logically.

If OP had wanted two because they were small, why did she not say that to the person footing the bill before ordering? Would you have ordered multiple meals when someone else was paying?

Have you seen the menu for the restaurant/cafe OP and her friend ate at to know what a jacket potato was listed as? Please do share if you have.

But it really doesn't matter if they're listed as a main or a side.
OP wasn't told she could order 1 main meal, she was told she could "order whatever she wanted" up to a maximum of £20.

If I was OP and I wanted two jacket potatoes for £7, having been told I could "order whatever I wanted" up to £20, then yes, I would have ordered them.

She didn't say she wanted two to her friend in advance of ordering because they cost £7 for two, way under the budget the friend had set.

She had previously ordered a small extra to a meal, something like adding mushy peas to an order of fish and chips (i can't remember exactly, it's listed upthread), which caused the friend to comment.

OP asked about the budget because she didn't want to upset her friend.

She asked for clarity as to what she could order.

If the friend was really unhappy she has the option of not paying for OP any more. OP is not MAKING her do it.

KilkennyCats · Today 22:38

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Today 22:36

because they do make sense and they understand why im puzzled

They don’t and what in the name of God are you still puzzled about? Haven’t you taken on board any of the responses at all?

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Today 22:36

KilkennyCats · Today 22:30

The unreasonable part isn’t eating one or two (or ten) meals. It’s eating multiple meals on someone else’s tab.
You’re so determined to fight op’s corner you seem unconcerned whether you’re actually making any sense. Why?

because they do make sense and they understand why im puzzled

OP posts:
KilkennyCats · Today 22:30

Woodfiresareamazing2 · Today 22:15

Your opinion.

You wouldn't eat that . I wouldn't (too much carb).

OP wanted and ate two of them.

Not unreasonable.

The unreasonable part isn’t eating one or two (or ten) meals. It’s eating multiple meals on someone else’s tab.
You’re so determined to fight op’s corner you seem unconcerned whether you’re actually making any sense. Why?

ImmortalSnowman · Today 22:29

Again, for an ND person, if they offer to pay and the other person says I insist, they will think they should let that person pay.

No @Woodfiresareamazing2 not true. A large number of my family and friends are all autistic or AuDHD, every one of us is rigid on paying our way. If somebody pays one week and insists on paying again the next they would be told no, it was not their turn. @MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe is happy to never offer to pay.

MademoisellePraline · Today 22:24

Woodfiresareamazing2 · Today 22:15

Your opinion.

You wouldn't eat that . I wouldn't (too much carb).

OP wanted and ate two of them.

Not unreasonable.

Oops, that's not my opinion. They were that big. It's fact. Even OP refers to them as two meals.

Or haven't you read the thread?

It's just you that's made up they were "small". Because that suits the narrative you want to push.

They weren't.

ShetlandishMum · Today 22:23

ImmortalSnowman · Today 22:20

@Woodfiresareamazing2 Or you could look at it that @MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe was being passive aggressive by asking how much of her friend's money she could spend because she unexpectedly added extra to a previous order and her friend was surprised by the rudeness.

Assuming you may be autistic too, jacket potatoes are listed under main meals, two different jacket potatoes is two main meals. Logically.

If OP had wanted two because they were small, why did she not say that to the person footing the bill before ordering? Would you have ordered multiple meals when someone else was paying?

Or simply pay the meal. It's not rocket science.

ImmortalSnowman · Today 22:20

@Woodfiresareamazing2 Or you could look at it that @MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe was being passive aggressive by asking how much of her friend's money she could spend because she unexpectedly added extra to a previous order and her friend was surprised by the rudeness.

Assuming you may be autistic too, jacket potatoes are listed under main meals, two different jacket potatoes is two main meals. Logically.

If OP had wanted two because they were small, why did she not say that to the person footing the bill before ordering? Would you have ordered multiple meals when someone else was paying?

Woodfiresareamazing2 · Today 22:15

MademoisellePraline · Today 22:12

They were two meals. Not small. The size of an adult fist.

Your opinion.

You wouldn't eat that . I wouldn't (too much carb).

OP wanted and ate two of them.

Not unreasonable.

MademoisellePraline · Today 22:12

Woodfiresareamazing2 · Today 22:09

It's not ridiculous.

Fgs, OP asked re the budget due to a previous comment made by the friend. So in that context, it's not rude.

She didn't order two meals, she ordered two items from the menu. Two small jacket potatoes. That cost half what the friend ordered, and less than half the budget.

Not two fish and chips, or lasagnes, or pies and mash.

She was told she could order whatever she wanted.
To a maximum budget of £20.
Her food cost £7.

You could argue that OP should insist on paying, or split the bill, or pay for herself. But that's a different debate

Edited

They were two meals. Not small. The size of an adult fist.

Woodfiresareamazing2 · Today 22:09

ImmortalSnowman · Today 21:50

This is ridiculous @Woodfiresareamazing2

OP has been told many times that if she wants to order whatever she wants then she should be paying for herself. Even her own AI told her she was wrong.

If you want to say this is how ND people behave, you will find a lot of offended ND people. @MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe was rude, it is rude to ask someone who is giving you a gift (free food) how much they are spending. She must have been perfectly capable of ordering before to not order two meals, why would this be different? She added extra to the chip shop order too and was pulled up for it. No consideration given that her friend might not have had the money on her to pay for extra. Just entitlement because her friend is wealthy.

Most autistic people are very specific in their food orders and wouldn't randomly change it.

Doesn't look like any other autistic people on this thread agree with OPs relentless insistence it is her friend's fault for not telling her to only order one lunch.

It's not ridiculous.

Fgs, OP asked re the budget due to a previous comment made by the friend. So in that context, it's not rude.

She didn't order two meals, she ordered two items from the menu. Two small jacket potatoes. That cost half what the friend ordered, and less than half the budget.

Not two fish and chips, or lasagnes, or pies and mash.

She was told she could order whatever she wanted.
To a maximum budget of £20.
Her food cost £7.

You could argue that OP should insist on paying, or split the bill, or pay for herself. But that's a different debate

MademoisellePraline · Today 22:08

Woodfiresareamazing2 · Today 22:00

These jacket potatoes are not big. Clearly, as they are only £3.50 each.

It's a bit like ordering a side of chips.

I wouldn't order 2 jacket potatoes, it sounds a bit boring, but thats irrelevant, as I'm not OP.

It's not like she ordered two lots of fish and chips, or two lasagnes, or two meat pies with mash.

It IS relevant what the friend ordered and how much it was.

OP wasn't being cheeky by ordering food that cost more than the friend's, or anywhere near the top of the budget.

She wasn't ordering extra food to take home for another meal.

She ordered what she wanted to eat, AS SHE HAD BEEN TOLD SHE COULD DO, and ate it.

Again, for an ND person, if they offer to pay and the other person says I insist, they will think they should let that person pay.

Edited

And again, she's not ND.

And the ND people on the thread are agreeing, this isn't an excuse anyway.

You are very similar to OP, you only cherry pick little details to try and make fit your narrative, despite the overbearing facts.

MademoisellePraline · Today 22:02

ImmortalSnowman · Today 21:50

This is ridiculous @Woodfiresareamazing2

OP has been told many times that if she wants to order whatever she wants then she should be paying for herself. Even her own AI told her she was wrong.

If you want to say this is how ND people behave, you will find a lot of offended ND people. @MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe was rude, it is rude to ask someone who is giving you a gift (free food) how much they are spending. She must have been perfectly capable of ordering before to not order two meals, why would this be different? She added extra to the chip shop order too and was pulled up for it. No consideration given that her friend might not have had the money on her to pay for extra. Just entitlement because her friend is wealthy.

Most autistic people are very specific in their food orders and wouldn't randomly change it.

Doesn't look like any other autistic people on this thread agree with OPs relentless insistence it is her friend's fault for not telling her to only order one lunch.

Amen. Ridiculous is the right word.

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