Hysterectomy with no support ????

I had a total abdominal hysterectomy 7 weeks ago. I was back home fr hospital on day 3 and could have looked after myself then. I was signed off for 4 weeks which is when the surgeon estimated I would be able to drive annd go back to work and I did so.
I read so much about what to expect in the recovery and the timeframes and actually I wish I hadn’t because there were so many horror stories.
I only napped twice in the whole time and decorated my office, including going up a ladder in week 3. I went at my own pace but pretty much everything was doable. I worked out that a ballet plie would help me get to stuff in bottom cupboards rather than engage core, which was pretty painful when moving in the first couple of weeks.
despite this easy recovery i can’t honestly say I would have wanted to look after two other people but it depends on their needs.
Good luck op !!

Just had one, leave the house to be a messy for a while, it won't hurt, get a grabber stick to pick up with. Plan before you go in, get everything you may need in room you will be recovering in, meds, clothes, books, phones everything. How old is your son ? Can your dad help with any items. I was lucky, I was laid up for day or so and lots of pain for couple of weeks but was able to be up, really depends on level of care you normally give your dad and son

The main difficulty I had with support was my fil was suffering from terminal cancer at the same time. We were in London, my parents in law in Northern Ireland. My parents were both dead and we have no children. My husband was torn between me and his parents and I did feel for both him and them. Fortunately my in laws were very sympathetic and as they had other kids to support them they didn’t put any pressure on him, though I encouraged him to visit once I was over the worst of it.

Oh and definitely listen to your body regarding tiredness. Sleep is essential for healing.

I’m not denying it’s tough….its major surgery. While I acknowledge the OPs situation is difficult as she has little support and is a carer, but while you have to take it easy at the beginning and really listen to both your body and the HCPs most people do make a good recovery. It is, after all, a common operation.

mine was 10 years ago. I had an abdominal one (uterus and cervix). Keyhole was relatively new and at the time I wasn’t suitable as I had it because I had a large fibroid and because of that it wasn’t an option. However it maybe that keyhole is more widely available for mor situations and if this is the case OPs may be easier to recover from.

Not hysterectomy but I had extensive laparoscopy endo surgery with no support after my first night in hospital
I did a lot of prepping - hoovering, changing bedding, easy meals, laundry all done etc
first couple of days were the worst, they tried to sign me off work for 8 weeks but I couldn’t afford it. I was ok to shower and walk around by day 3, and driving by day 10. Would say providing I could nap as the tiredness was the worst bit
held a pillow to my stomach when I coughed or sneezed which helped

Is there a resident group in the area who can help? Definitely contact adult social services, hopefully they can help support you and your family.

Ask about help for your dad while you recover and keep pushing for it. Meals to microwave ready in the freezer. Shopping delivered and ask them to lift it onto worktops. Housework left! Too much TV but that will have to be the way.

@zurigo i'm really sorry you had such an experience

My cousin had a hysterectomy and a lot depends on what kind you're having and how they're doing it.

@TheOpalFox do you have that information yet?

I suppose your post will prepare OP for the worst! But I know many people who've had hysterectomies and no one, including me, have had any of those problems.
I find it hard to believe that no one has broached this with OP because if my situation had been the same as hers, I wouldn't have been allowed home until something had been sorted out.

You'd be utterly insane to do it OP. I know several people who've had a hysterectomy and all had a rough time for several weeks afterwards and that was with lots of support from DPs, parents, friends and neighbours. Pain, bloating so none of their clothes fit, weeping wounds, unable to drive or lift anything heavier than a bag of sugar, sometimes unable to walk properly for weeks, exhausted, unable to get comfortable or sleep properly. You could maybe manage if you didn't have caring responsibilities, but you must get respite for your DF and have help with your DC - you can't be caring for others after having major surgery! You will make your recovery much longer and more painful if you don't rest. The more you can rest, the sooner you will recover.

I would plan on at least 6 weeks recuperation. It can be quicker but I'd say that's average. Can you speak to your GP about a care package for your father and son for that period of recovery? If not, do you or your father have funds for private carers to come in? You can stock the freezer with ready meals and order in on deliveroo etc - it's not ideal but it won't hurt for a few weeks.

There are a lot of factors that could make it easier or harder.

Is it going to be done keyhole or open? How old are your children?

Recovery time varies hugely but the thing that affects this most is what sort of surgery you are having. I had a full hysterectomy (uterus, ovaries and cervix) by robotic laproscopy and everything exited via my vagina. It was for cancer and I was really quite ill going into it. However I was home the next day (op was in the evening), didn't need the bed rest I had expected to need and within a couple of weeks was totally back up to speed. I think it would have been a very different story if I had had abdominal surgery, more like the recovery expected after a cesarean.
OP, have you not been asked by the hospital what support you have at home? It would be very unusual if you haven't. Be truthful with them and they will help you get the support you need. Good luck.

So I’m guessing the son is a child and the father is elderly and can’t do anything. Is that correct?

What help would your father be entitled to if you weren’t helping him? Because surely you’ve got to access that in order to have the surgery anyway.

You will need help. Are you saying that your father and son can't provide any help at all? If so, can you buy in some help, for example a temporary cleaner and have supermarket deliveries or even takeaways? Expensive but throwing money at the problem would get you through a difficult time.

What sort of surgery is it?

I had robotic laparoscopic surgery and was in and out the same day.

Was absolutely shattered for 5 days but well enough to put together a simple meal.

How old are your children?

Old enough to make their own cereal for breakfast?

Old enough to get crackers, cheese fruit etc for lunch?

old enough to put batch cooked dinners in the microwave?

It won’t be easy but dependent on the type of surgery you’re having it maybe doable.

You can leave washing and housework for a week and just wash up as a minimum )even better if you have a dishwasher!)

If you’re having abdominal surgery then you will very likely need help for the first week and you can ask social services to support you if the surgery is urgent and necessary.

Have you been advised that this surgery is necessary now?

I wouldn't recommend it, you can easily cause yourself more problems if you don't rest fully and that means no lifting or pushing anything heavy, no bending at least to start with and depending on how you have the surgery done, no driving. You get really tired and need to rest more than you think, and pace your day. You might end up with infection in your wound, bleeding, UTI, you don't know how the anaesthetic and painkillers will affect you etc. lots of unknowns. There are of course some who have a much easier recovery than others, I know one person who did, and was up and about very quickly, and bored with resting. My own experience was very different, much longer and more complicated. I could not have managed to even look after and feed myself, let alone look after kids alone. I appreciate not everyone has access to much support though. Good luck if you go ahead. Get as much done before as possible - meals in freezer, cleaning done, and take up any offers of help you can get x

It will be difficult. Maybe social services maybe able to give you a care package for a while? I had an abdominal hysterectomy and after that you can’t drive or do any bending or lifting for 6 weeks…the guide was nothing heavier than a kettle.

you will need to get shopping delivered if you can’t do it yourself and a lot of housework like washing, hoovering or bed making will be difficult.

I had a total abdominal hysterectomy in 2022, when my AuDHD twins were 4 years old and just starting school.
I had no support. Zero. Nada.
It was hell.
Fucked my recovery, but I did it.
I wouldn't wish it on anyone, though.