AIBU to want a cleaner when my husband says we do not need one?

I would bet she’d be doing the cleaning.

2 adults in a house I’m not understanding the need for hours and hours of cleaning
who does the garden and things like that

I suspect you have very high standards and he doesn’t
pulling furniture out is deep clean territory to me once in a blue moon a run round the middle is fine

Keeping on our cleaner was a non negotiable part of us moving in together. DH did eventually admit that life was better with ‘Treasure’ than without.

He was also very clear that if I had to choose between them, I would prioritise’Treasure’ every single time.

Nowadsys, I have the idea that the house just doesn’t ever need cleaning, until ‘Treasure’ takes a week off….

Absolutely not. As in you fund it. That’s an outrageous suggestion. The op already does her half, it’s the selfish husbands half that needs paying for. If anything it should come out of his funds, as he’s the one who isn’t capable of doing his share.

I think if this was a man posting, and his wife didn’t want a cleaner in her home, regardless of whether the she was pulling her weight, the answers would be quite different.

The biggest issue for me is that he doesn't expect to clean but expects his wife to do so. However, that must have been so for the duration of the marriage. Mine would have been over long ago and it's so far lasted 37 years.

Winding back to the beginning DH was crystal clear he wouldn't be doing any housework, food shopping, ironing, etc. He was perfectly happy to pay someone else to do it, as I didn't expect to either and paid for a cleaner before we met.

I can’t believe you need to ask this. What an absolute twat your husband is being in this situation. I hope he is otherwise nice (though I can’t really imagine that he could be given this). How can you possibly think he has any say at all given he doesn’t do it himself?!? Absolutely batshit. Use joint funds, he benefits too.

There comes a point, when an argument keeps going round in circles, that you can just stop having it. You don’t need to convince him: just go ahead and ignore the chuntering.

I found it really liberating when I cottoned on to this.

Well you have tried the diy method and the diy with assistance now it is time to try the paid cleaner method.

Tell him you are going to see how it works out with the cleaner for 4 weeks and by then he will be less resistant.

I find that the people that aren't amenable to getting a cleaner are the people who don't do the cleaning and seem to think it does itself.

Don't ask him again, just book her in and tell him when she's coming so he can make sure he's decent.

Sod that OP, life's too short.

My dh kept saying but we can do it ourselves. Yes we can, but you don't. And after 5 years living with him at that point I'd had enough. He went on scout camp for a week and looked genuinely shocked when I told him it was easier while he was away. Then I told him we were getting a cleaner and that was the end of it.

If you want the cleaner get her. Ignore his protests.

He doesn't do his share so he doesn't get a say.

This. And he needs to do them to your standards too.

It's almost worth having a job just to have a cleaner IMO. Half day/week we get back. I pay 44/week for 2 hours so that's a very good price.

And pay his share too.

Yeah he needs to do 50% properly without prompting or get a cleaner in. Mine does 2.5 hours per week and keeps the main living areas/kitchens and bathrooms clean, we do bedrooms and en suites ourselves

Don't do any cleaning for a couple of weeks. See if he steps up and cleans thoroughly or caves in and agrees you need a cleaner. I pay £20 an hour so I think £17 is a bargain.

Why should she have to pay for it all herself when both of them will benefit?

Also yes I agree it should be a joint expense. Your DH can either fund a cleaner or do the work himself

I’d give him the list of jobs the cleaner will do, split them down the middle and tell him this is the deal now since he doesn’t want a cleaner. Then give him a week and he will have a different opinion.

Absolutely get the cleaner, DO NOT self fund. You’re both benefiting, he has not pulled his finger out, he’s had ample opportunity. Shared expense, shared benefit.

I would give him the option of either him doing it - to your standards of course - or getting a cleaner in.
Ive been seriously considering getting one myself even though theres only me mostly. Its not the doing of any of the jobs, its when it stops me from doing what i want. Cleaning the bathroom or vacuuming the stairs is never what i want to be doing.

As your DH isnt doing his fair share of cleaning he doesn't get a say in whether you get a cleaner or not

£34 a week is very reasonable, go for it