AIBU to want a cleaner when my husband says we do not need one?

You divide all the jobs 50/50 down the middle. Clearly defined tasks for each person. Then it is up to each of you if you do them yourself or pay a cleaner to do them.

I imagine he’ll quickly change his tune if he has to do all his own tasks himself and you are paying a cleaner to do yours!

OP, I would go for it. We are also retired. If we could get a decent one we would. They are really difficult to get round here. My husband is excellent at vacuuming and dishwasher duty and we don’t have pets but I would still like to have it done.

OP JFDI.

Go for it. don't even give it any more thought.

I live alone since my DH died last year and I'm seriously considering getting a cleaner for a few hours a week - I can afford it AND CLEANING IS SOOOO FUCKING BORING

So if you can afford it do it!

No-one ever thought on their deathbed "I wish I'd done more housework". Fuck that.

Your thinking on this is completely the wrong way round.

it is HIM that needs the cleaner, not you.

if he did his fair share without being told, and thus you only had half to do, you might not be so fed up of it.

when I started living with my last boyfriend, he also didn’t like cleaning, I don’t mind it. So I did my half. And he paid for his half via a weekly cleaner.

it's not hours and hours of cleaning nor high standards. it's about prioritising my time on other things I enjoy and relaxing in my home. only 2 people in this house plus dogs and my cleaner is the best money I spend. she comes every 2 weeks ( wish could afford every week ) and the evening after she has been is bliss is this house.

I want to know where you live… and really hope it’s near me! We had to let our cleaner go because of the cost - £22 per hour!!

If we could get one for 17ph I’d employ them immediately. Get the cleaner!!

YANBU if he isn’t helping you to do it properly and you can afford to outsource it.

Your time and retirement together are precious- surely if having a cleaner is affordable and prevents conflict between the two of you, then that’s a positive change that will free up more time for you both to spend enjoying each other’s company and pursuing your hobbies, travel, whatever you’d like to spend your time doing.

Good luck!

Of course he doesn't need a cleaner, he has a cleaner: you! To him, it all just does itself. Get the cleaner and ignore the muttering.
If he wanted to clean instead of you getting a cleaner, he would. He doesn't.

It doesn’t; your point adds no value whatsoever, she has said her husband doesn’t pull his weight; if you had said you bet a woman not pulling her weight would get different replies it would be a more related point, but it would be ripped apart because I have no doubt that a woman not pulling her weight would be told the exact same thing as this husband. Do it, or pay for it.

Goodness me, when I was growing up we always had someone to clean. At one time she came 3 times a week. Was a trusted person.
Should add that my mother grew up in a household that had a cook, laundrywoman and daily maid. I am not very old, 68 next birthday..
I have always had cleaners.
Unless your husband is prepared to put in 4 hours each weekend, which mine was initially, get someone in.
It was a godsend, when I was working away.
I do clean,when home, but not to hospital standards, which I believe are really low these days ;-)
Also define what is clean!

Why not? A man would be told he was unreasonable and controlling for imposing upon his wife something she didn’t want, even if she did nothing around the house. I guarantee it.

That is a reasonable price for the cleaner. I would ask him to pay half and not bat an eyelid. It is worth every penny and you get more quality time, less resentment.

You need to have a refocus my mum used to spend hours cleaning everyday 70% of it was ineffective because it was unnecessary

I would sit him down and say exactly what you do for cleaning , ie move furniture, dust, bathrooms etc stuffs not some magic fairy, it’s you and has been all your married life

I would tell him you shouldn’t have to ask him to do it, he should know what needs doing and be prepared to muck in and it’s not and never has and it’s unlikely going to change now. He does no cleaning, you should have to do cleaning to make it fair. So you are paying for a cleaner, his half will be £xx unless he would like to do his half of the cleaning properly and you will give him a list of what he can do and when

Hats off to your H for chutzpah.

Of course he's happy the way things are. He sits on his untroubled arse day in and day out oblivious to the fact that you work to keep the home clean.

Of course you should get the cleaner. Tell him very sweetly that he will be paying half from his income as "the cleaner will be doing your half of the housework too, darling".

See if he objects based on the fact that he doesn't do any housework, or if he nods sagely and agrees it will be a huge load off his back.

It really doesn’t!

We could afford a cleaner, we can't justify it when we are both at home though so we do it ourselves.
I guess things could change one day though.

I would go for it! He doesn’t have a casting vote!

Perhaps, but not necessarily. My point stands.