AIBU - The Baby Bath Incident

I can't get past the sharing things when you are in different:countries. How was that ever going to work. In practice what MIL did was but SIL a load of baby stuff you could borrow every now and then when you visited. Anyway turns out SIL not great at sharing. I wouldn't have a huge falling out about it though. After all you have no idea if the bath would even calm the baby at this point. Also use the sink.

I'm with you OP, she is being incredibly selfish. It wasn't her bath to take in the first place and her child is too old for it. It's all very strange from her end.

Assuming you're somewhere it's warm? Inflatable boat swimming thing? Use as a bath? Or an inflatable baby bath?

If she is being that defensive about something she doesn’t use, I wonder if she’s given it away or sold it? Do look into other possible containers though like a new washing up bowl on the floor of the shower, fill with shower water? Might be cheaper than baby equipment. I understand the OCD side though, hopefully your DH isn’t too severe and will understand that a new bowl has had no dishes in (my DD has severe OCD and I can’t even touch a never-used bin in Home Bargains on the shelf as bins are dirty, so maybe this isn’t an option if he doesn’t like washing up bowls used for other things). Good luck

Surely what Mil did was completely reasonable. She bought the equipment to be used when her grandchildren visit her house. They are shared in that both families use the equipment but only when they visit MiL. She isn't going to buy two of everything!
I don't see how OP is being unreasonable asking the SiL to return something she no longer needs as her child is now too big for a baby bath and she shouldn't have removed it from her mother's house in the first place

Cheap washing up bowl. It’s not going to be the magic solution for colic anyway but give it a go

That would be (inanely) childish - life needn't comprise a register of grudges

Actually you are both being ridiculous! Clean the sink and bath the baby in that for goodness sake. Clean it before and clean it after. Simple. Your reasoning is bordering ridiculous considering you think it's going to help so much.

I'd also recommend Google reflexology for colic. That helped lots for my dd2. Lots of trial and error.

I washed my 29 week preemie in the kitchen sink from when she came home from hospital at 36 weeks she came to no harm and now is a happy healthy and very Clive 7 year old 😂

You’re assuming Italy is warm in the summer? Why would they have an inflatable boat?? Most random suggestion yet

🤣

I've read my message back and know that I didn't explain myself well here.

I was meaning a baby inflatable. You can often get them for swimming pools in various different styles. If somewhere warm or touristy then maybe a boat style may work as a temporary bath solution.

Of course , I wouldn't be suggesting a massive boat. That would be pretty silly wouldn't it!

So SIL just snuck it out of the house without MIL being aware of it?

In effect yes as she took it when her mother was away from home

OP says her partner has OCD and believes the sink is dirty. If he has a formal diagnosis of OCD then her reasoning is not ridiculous, it's a serious mental health condition.

My DS has a formal diagnosis of OCD and it doesn't help to feed such illusions. Especially when he's not doing the bathing anyway. Bathing the baby in the sink and nothing bad happening as a result is better than indulging the idea that it's dirty and dangerous and that bad things (whatever his specific take) will happen. The answer isn't for everyone to pretend that the sink is dirty and can't be used.

Then surely he cleans the sink to his satisfaction first? The baby is not plunked into the greasy washing up water with the pots!

My apologies if I’ve misunderstood OCD.

My understanding was that it can be difficult to reason someone out of the anxiety/compulsion even when they intellectually understand that the feared outcome is unlikely e.g. with repetitive hand-washing, simply telling someone that their hands are clean doesn't necessarily resolve the urge to wash them.

I also didn't assume OP genuinely believed the sink was dirty or dangerous, but rather that using a different place to bathe the baby was the line of least resistance in the circumstances.

I think she’s sold the bath or given it away and is trying to cover up.

The drama! You all sounds though you need to calm down. Clean the sink, Lay a soft towel inside it and fill it up with warm water. It’s unlikely to help anyway - so not worth ww3 over. The colic may well be due to a change in environmental factors, new environment, new people and stress. I think you’ll have more luck with staggering naps so you have some rest and white noise of a fan.

@Tryagain26 I guess, although if it wasn’t being used at MIL often (presumably OP doesn’t visit very often if travelling from abroad) I can see how it would happen that SIL ended up with it if she loved it/it worked well for her baby and she didn’t have anything similar. OP has stated that there are other options for washing baby at MIL, just not the particular baby bath she has in mind. It’s easy to wash a baby, you don’t need anything particular to get the baby clean.

As I said I think both are being unreasonable being so fussy about a baby bath! It seems like OP has just got a bee in her bonnet about this particular bath because she read something on the internet about baths being helpful for baby colic/sleep. Which is unlikely.

Your SIL is being ridiculous.

I also couldn’t use the sink. It makes my ASD brain hurt.

What I would do is shower with my baby. DD hated baths anyway. What she loved was getting in the shower with me and being held while enveloped in the water and steam. I ended up buying cotton gloves to facilitate to wear to help hold her, but they aren’t necessary. They just gave me a bit of confidence and also serve as a good washing cloth.

I would get in first, have DH hand her to me and then when we were done I would hand her to DH. Our shower had quite a big thing to step over so I wasn’t comfortable stepping in and out while holding her.

Isnt your sills toddler too big for a baby bath now anyway? I reckon shes got rid of it or why else would she be so guarded about it?

OP, when I went abroad, over 11 hours flight with my 8 week old, I ordered all the things I needed online to be delivered to theirs. As it’s my mum’s house, she set up a room for the baby who is now 2! We went back w few times and the stuff was still there. It’s only ahead of my next trip I told mum to donate/give away. Don’t be precious, give the baby a bath in the sink or nip out and get even one of those storage boxes if a bath is too expensive, roll a towel to support the head and give the baby the warm bath.
a bit shocked your husband thinks he can just drive over and take it from his sister.
really a non issue just improvise you are hardly a first time mum.

l agree with the others . Fold/roll some towels up and improvise . I’m sorry your child is unwell but why are you adding all the drama ? Your DP too ! She said no ..be annoyed but get on with it .

Absolutely not!!!!! SIL is being very selfish. She has probably had the most use out of any baby equipment her mother bought for both grandchildren at the time, to use. MIL has every right to ask for the bath back seeing as she purchased it for use at her house.
SIL can surely return the bath so baby with coalic can use it, seeing as she actually has a bath 8n her own house and MIL only has showering facilities.