Active discussions

Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect the host to keep her own bedroom?

93 replies

oopsiedaisies123 · Today 09:29

The situation:

friend A has second home. Friend B has come to stay. Friend B has two young kids aged 2-5.

friends A’s bedroom has a super king. The other room is the spare room but only has a small double.

friend A’s new bf is coming to stay.

YANBU: friend A should gives up her bedroom and stays with new boyfriend in spare room on small double so friend B can be more comfortable with two young kids in super king.

YABU: friend B is ultimately the guest and should be in spare room with her two kids when boyfriend comes regardless as she’s the guest. Even though it’s Friend B’s second home it’s still her bedroom and she should always go there.

friend A and B have been closer for almost 20 years.

OP posts:
Candleabra · Today 09:32

Confused by your penultimate paragraph, I assume you mean it’s friend A’s second home.

Friend A should keep her bedroom. Friend B has the spare room.

MurielTheTerrible · Today 09:33

It's entirely up to "your friend". When my best mate comes to stay with her kids, they have my room as it's the biggest with a larger bed - she and one child in together, the other on a airbed. I go into the spare room which is tiny. However if "your friend" needs the big bed so "she" can shag more acrobatically, then "she" is entitled to do so.

IamSmarticus · Today 09:34

Friend A keeps her own room. How would friend B even know what size the beds are? It's not really something I've ever discussed with my friends, they know I have a spare room with a bed but not the specific dimensions!

TheJoyousHiker · Today 09:35

Guests in the guest room and host on their own room. I'd never give up my bedroom for guests as it's my space.

Chaarlene · Today 09:37

Neither. 'New boyfriend' = shag-fest.

Would not stay with kids during shag-fest.

ShakaWhenTheWallsFell · Today 09:38

You're entitled

Divebar2021 · Today 09:39

Are you suggesting they need the bigger bed because they’re going to sleep 4 people in it?
The only person I’d give up my bed to would be my mother, if my spare room was not going to be suitable for some reason. I’d be pretty pissed off of my friend of 20 years was complaining about the sleeping arrangements at any of my homes ( First, second or otherwise)

user85642879067 · Today 09:40

I also can’t work out who is who/which way to vote - but I’d be staying in my own bedroom and my own bed, if guest friend doesn’t like it they can always go home or stay somewhere else! Doesn’t sound like the place is big enough for 3 adults and two kids…

InfoSecInTheCity · Today 09:41

Hosts bedroom is the hosts bedroom whether it’s their first second or 23rd home, they pay for the house, upkeep and decoration so their room is theirs and guests stay in the guest room

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · Today 09:41

Is this the first time the friend has visited? A double bed for an adult and 2 kids under 5 is likely enough room.

NamelessNancy · Today 09:44

I would give up my bed/room for nobody. It's my space. I'd also never expect or want anyone to give up theirs for me.

Dozer · Today 09:44

A keeps her room, whether or not boyfriend visits.

If standard double is a squeeze for B and the two DC, one of the DC can sleep on a mattress on the floor

Itsthewoluff · Today 09:44

Airbeds are cheap for the kids in the guest bedroom. Or sofa cushions at a push, but I’d be keeping my room with my things already in it.

user85642879067 · Today 09:44

And I’d add - if I ever win the euro millions and buy a holiday home for family/friends to use the master suite will have a big padlock on it as I’m really grossed out at the idea of anyone other than DH and I in our bed. Can’t really explain why as I happily stay in hotels, but the freeloaders can keep out of my bedroom! 😂

GonAgain · Today 09:45

If you don’t think the small double is big enough for you, don’t go then.

childproofing is another thing if you’re expecting a 2 year old to sleep in a bed not a cot.

Pedant61 · Today 09:46

In my house (not a second home), guests have the best bed/bedroom. It's just good manners. So I would give up my king sized bed to the guests and I'll sleep in the spare room on the small sofa bed (with the ironing board propped in the corner!).

Bluehouse14 · Today 09:47

I would ask the guest. I always make sure my guests are comfortable, they make the effort to visit etc. I wouldnt like it if the guest demanded anything though! I personally wouldn't be staying with a friend and her new boyfriend with 2 kids. Sounds a bit rank and wouldn't feel comfortable staying somewhere with an unknown man.

Tel12 · Today 09:48

Good grief no, guests have the guest bedroom.

AsHot · Today 09:48

Assume there's an error in final paragraph and it's only Friend A home, with Friend B the visitor.

Entirely up to Friend A, and Friend B should gracefully accept the smaller room if Friend A wants to keep hers. A Double bed with a blow up single will accommodate a single adult plus two little kids anyway, perhaps with a travel cot as well.

Dancingonlies · Today 09:49

Entirely friend A’s decision. Friend B should accept without comment (other than THANK YOU!) whatever is given.

In friend A’s shoes I have given my room up at times, equally other times I haven’t. To be honest it’s been more about my capacity and energy levels than about my guests. Basically I’m generous when I feel I have the capacity to be. But it should never be an expectation.

backformoreofthesame · Today 09:50

B shouldn’t ask or imply that B should have the bigger room but if A offers then that would also be fine

TwinklyRoseTurtle · Today 09:51

I wouldn’t give my bedroom up for a guest at all, bedrooms are private so guest room only

parietal · Today 09:52

Kids get airbeds on the floor - v cheap from Argos etc. host gets her big bed in her normal room.

VegQueen · Today 09:53

I would personally give up my room for guests if they needed the space. But I wouldn’t be upset if someone I visited didn’t do the same.

Happytaytos · Today 09:54

Host keeps their room.

Swipe left for the next trending thread