Friend and Daughter Issues

Why are you allowing your daughter to be bullied? Stand up for her. Stop meeting your friend with the dc and tell your friend why!

YABU to subject your daughter to this.

In future, child-free meets only, even if that means you can't see each other often, or you go around in the evening for a chat after your respective children are in bed.

Do not make your daughter see these people again. Either suggest something alone with friend (adults only) or be honest and tell her "unfortunately my daughter is not keen due to the hitting and spitting" you need to put your daughter first. I am shocked you are even asking this.

Spitting? I would be furious at my friend if they let their child spit on mine.

@MondeoFan seriously what are you thinking.
You are choosing to allow your daughter to be repeatedly physically assaulted by this woman's brat so you can spend time with your so called friend, thats disgraceful. You need to protect your daughter and stop all meetings with this woman and her brat before you destroy your relationship with your daughter.
Why do you think that your wants and your friends "needs" are more important than your daughters physical and mental health?
You need to make it 100% clear to both your dd and friend that you will never meet up with her and both girls again due to her daughter's disgusting abuse behaviour and the mums inability to parent her child

Your daughter has been very clear - why aren't you listening to her? She does not want to meet up with them so she shouldn't have to. Every flipping weekend the three of you are subjecting your daughter to this! You could learn a thing or two from her about having boundaries. There's nothing to stop you and your friend meeting up without DC. If that isn't an option then you don't see her at all - simple really.

You are allowing your dd to be bullied and making her spend time with her bully.
Why would you do that?

You can stop it by putting your dd first.

When the child spits at your daughter, you want her to say “no thank you”?! This can’t be real.

Sounds like you’re a single mum and don’t want to give up a busy weekend.

Stop meeting the friend and tell her why. You’re enabling the child to bully your daughter.

How old are the girls? Do you know that spitting as well as being disgusting is counted as assault?

why do you keep putting your daughter in these avoidable situations?
what would happened if your daughter turned round and hit her back?

You can't let that continue so you are going to have to stop meeting up with your friend. There is nothing you can do to fix her mental health issues because you aren't qualified to do that. You might be able to do her daughter a favour though by telling your friend that she is letting her daughter down by not addressing her appalling behaviour. Spitting is absolutely disgusting and no one is ever going to tolerate that, many people will react a lot more harshly than you have and when they do that will be down to your friend's lack of parenting.

Stop prioritising your friend over your daughter, if I saw another child spitting in my child’s face I would go absolutely mental and if your “friend” brushed it off I’d tell her what I thought about her parenting skills.

Please stop allowing your daughter to be bullied by this feral child. She should be your priority, not your friend.

You're putting your friend above your own daughter.
Why on earth would you force her to meet up weekly with someone who is spitting at her and bullying her? Your poor child, do you not realise what damage YOU are causing her?

You need to tell your friend very clearly that spitting is totally unacceptable.

Stop seeing the friend. She isn’t your friend at all if she’s allowing her dd to bully your dd in this way. Every weekend like this is far too much, spend time on your own with your dd.

Would you be happy if it was a child at school bullying your child?
either stop the meet ups or meet without the kids
your child will resent you for not protecting her

You're prioritising this friend because you perceive her as vulnerable and you feel like you're responsible for her in some way. The most vulnerable people involved are the children and neither you nor your friend are doing right by your daughters. The person you should be protecting is telling you that she is being bullied and you're sitting back and watching and telling her same time next week.

Listen to your daughter, you're teaching her to be a doormat and that other people are more important than her and are entitled to abuse her. Is that really what you want her to think?

This can’t be real. No one would allow someone’s kid to hit and spit on their kid more than once surely?

If it is real, OP you are letting your DD be physically assaulted every week. Thats setting her up to expect and tolerate abuse in future relationships as it’s her normal. It’s pathetic really.

FGS put her first, no more meet-ups.

Your friend is doing her dd a great disservice, allowing her to behave like this. She will either have no friends, or end up being the class bully.

In any case, spitting is absolutely disgusting! She needs to put a stop to that PDQ!

I’d stop the meet ups and tell her why.

I love that you are being there for your friend, but your daughter's wellbeing/safety/future years of self esteem comes first here. Tell friend you will meet her without her child, or not at all.

Time for plain speaking. Grow up as a parent and choose your daughter over your friend. That's it really.

I stayed friends with another playgroup Mum for far too long given how badly her child was behaving towards mine. One day we'd booked to go out somewhere and my DD just sat quietly saying she didn't want to go as she knew he'd be mean to her all day. I said don't be silly etc, and we'll have a lovely day.

I should have listened because he was so nasty to her that day that he pushed her off something at the play ground and she broke her collarbone. Friend in her defence was utterly mortified as I spent hours in A & E with her and DD couldn't join in at playgroup for the rest of that term. But she spoiled that with a message saying I had to remember he had asthma and eczema and he was sleep deprived so he wasn't in control of his actions Lesson hard learned, and by my DD not me. I've always found it very hard to understand why I tolerated it for so long.

Tell your 'friend' that you will not be able to meet up with the kids any more because your daughter doesn't want to be around her daughter. That will effectively end the friendship. Job done.

Stop putting your child through this! Why would you allow this and not discipline the child yourself?

Tell your friend the truth. That way you advocate for both children, your own because she doesn’t have to be around a child who isn’t kind to her, and hers because she might receive some parenting that makes it easier for her to make and sustain friendships in the future.