Life admin / mental load - let’s have your outsourcing inspiration!

This is an obvious point but one a lot of people find hard - completely leaving some things to DH. Completely. E.g. he does cubs/beavers admin, I am not even on the WhatsApp group/mailing list. He takes them, pays the subs, puts the camps in the diary, packs for the camping, sorts the uniform.

There is stuff I do completely as well - I do holiday clubs/school holiday childcare arrangements - again, he hasn't a clue which clubs run when or which ones I have booked until I put them in the diary and he does some drop offs/pick ups.

In general, I recommend not scrimping on childcare (obviously unless you are on the breadline and really can't afford it), I see so many people on here stressed out because they are trying to combine WFH and childcare or go for the club that finishes at 4 rather than pay for extended hours, etc. We properly outsource childcare for our working hours and we are all happier as a result. It's nicer for the kids to feel like once they're home, we are available to them.

Online groceries - obvious but in particular we have moved towards deliveries every 3 days and it makes things a lot easier to plan and less stress as there's always an order on the go.

Subscriptions - lots of our stuff is on subscription - coffee pods, toothbrush heads, you name it!

Anything that is too fiddly to iron but needs it, we take it to the dry cleaner for pressing.

Finally - we have started paying someone from task rabbit for those annoying small jobs and it's amazing. You can usually get someone for £20 / hr to put together flat pack/hang pictures/put up shelves etc.

We've started splitting our weekly shop too. Saves going into the fridge and finding something went off the day before. And it's much easier to meal plan. We've got an Ocado pass so it doesn't matter how many deliveries we have. And if we have a family party/event at home I shop for that completely separately. Makes life a lot easier.

How much does a chef cost OP, and do they come to your house to cook your ingredients or do they just bring you batches of food? really interested in this as a time saver

Christ, I was just thinking "put birthdays in your phone with a reminder a week ahead do you've time to buy a present or post a card."

Chef and cleaner is a little out of most people's budget.

I used to call me smartphone my 'wife' because it does the work of reminders.

I also use the Notes app a lot - ongoing shopping list any time I noticed something has run out (shared with DP so we both update it and shop from it), telly suggestions when I read a review or hear a recommendation so there's none of that "what shall we watch" dithering, that sort of thing.

I've started outsourcing ironing which I love- it's nice to have a wardrobe full of freshly ironing clothes when you get ready!

I'm intriged by the chef... do you choose the menu and they supply the ingredients? How many people does a £20 meal feed? Is £100 the introductory offer? Do they bring the meals to your house? Is it a main plus sides?

We have a cleaner as we both hate cleaning. Apart from that, neither of us feel like we have a mental load. We do the washing before bed and peg it out before work when needed. Household essentials are on subscription so we don’t have to think about it. I like cooking and hate batch cooking as I never fancy what I’ve already cooked, so I don’t really feel this is a chore. Everything is put in a shared calendar so we don’t forget things.

To me the most obvious one is- if it takes 2 mins just do it straight away or diarise a time. If you need a visual reminder use that 2 mins to write it down.

Recipe boxes for the 3 days a week we are both in the office all day... Feel that's slightly cheaper version of the batch cook private chef

Goodness OP. I think everyone already knows that the wealthy can pay other people to do their shit for them. I’m staggered at you starting a thread presenting this as a great and original idea that you need to inform others of. Everyone already knew that. ‘Having money makes life easier’ is not a mic drop.

I’ve considered setting up a business that takes on life admin - finding builders, plumbers etc on your behalf so you just call us and we do the rest (a bit like an estate agent), taking on the insurance renewals, booking your car in for its MOT etc. a bit like a life PA.

Have a shared calendar. It always surprises me when people say they don't know when their DH has time off, or if their DH doesn't know when their children are off school, have parties etc. It also means if someone is surprised the other isn't home they can easily check the calendar and see oh they must be at xyz.
Also use the calendar for reminders.

We hired a butler called Ferguson a few months ago. He's amazing and has taken a huge mental load off my mind.

He does the housework, answers the door, runs me a bath, and the other day he organised a beautiful soiree to help me charm my opera board members.

I dont know how I coped without him

I'm too poor for this thread 😅

Is it any different to threads asking about which car to buy or where to go on holiday. Not everyone can afford cars and holidays either

I'm not in a position to throw money at any area of my life so many of these suggestions will be useless to many of us.

I like little 5 minute chunks of time that can make a difference. Its called piggybacking.
When I brush my teeth I wash the sink, when I bathe my children I'll clean the bathroom whilst I chat to them. Waiting for the kettle clean the sides.

What me and my husband do in the evenings is combine a job with a background programme or chatting together so it's less boring. Last night we sorted out the bathroom cupboards all the over due empty bottles etc whilst watching Clarksons farm. Just makes it feel less of a boring evening. We Decorate this way too we refurbished the kitchen in December with stranger things on in the background. If we are alone we listen to podcasts. Certainly makes painting more bearable. Maybe it's a adhd thing but helps us stay on task.

this.

what an embarrassingly tone deaf thread.

I never understand this life admin/mental load guff. Your car insurance needs renewing every year? Wow - who knew!

Your son is going camping with Cubs? Just follow the packing list kindly provided by the leader.

I never understand the issue with all this. Me and DH just split tasks, work together etc. It’s just basic things. I couldn’t tell you the last time I cooked an actual meal as he does it all, plans and does the online shop. Equally beyond him doing a bit of hoovering he never cleans because I enjoy that. My ironed clothes magically appear each weekend (it’s not magic, he irons them) for me. Etc etc etc etc

In general, I recommend not scrimping on childcare (obviously unless you are on the breadline and really can't afford it), I see so many people on here stressed out because they are trying to combine WFH and childcare or go for the club that finishes at 4 rather than pay for extended hours, etc. We properly outsource childcare for our working hours and we are all happier as a result. It's nicer for the kids to feel like once they're home, we are available to them.

This. This is key.

The other stuff i dont find hard. I enjoy cooking. I have a very good memory so i dont find it difficult to just remember tasks that need doing etc, paying for clubs, filling in the hockey form, booking the vaccine appointment etc. In fact i get annoyed at work when people want to use 15 apps to track x and remind about y because for me, filling in the reminder app is just time I dont need to spend & the license for it is wasted money

I like little 5 minute chunks of time that can make a difference. Its called piggybacking.
When I brush my teeth I wash the sink, when I bathe my children I'll clean the bathroom whilst I chat to them. Waiting for the kettle clean the sides.

I always do this

I don't think you can ever really pay someone to pick up the mental load. Even if paying for a cleaner/chef then someone (usually the woman) has to stay aware of the task, tracked whether it's done, paid for, ingredients provided etc.

The solution is to work with your partner to share it out between you.

I think stop calling it "mental load" and making a big drama about it is key for a start.

You brush your teeth every morning, you clean your face. That's life, you don't need to put a reminder and add it to your list.

You sit down a couple of mornings or evenings a week and you deal with admin.
Or people start calling booking a holiday or planning their birthday a dreadful chore.

I agree with splitting things and letting the other one manage without checking, complaining it's not done YOUR way.

Never leave a room empty handed. I wish I had inculcated this into DH earlier on.