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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Lashing out at partner

5 replies

turnthefanonpls · Today 00:18

I’ve been with my partner since officially April, but we were seeing each other exclusively from when we first met in February. We love each other and this relationship is like no other I’ve been in. There was no games, no wondering if they like me or are thinking about me, from the moment we said we liked each other we have been pretty much inseparable. We weren’t as careful as we should’ve been and I am now pregnant - 4 weeks. We spoke about having kids, but that was in the future. Since we found out, he has been nothing but caring and loving. Anything that I’ve needed he has given - emotional support as well as material things from pregnancy vitamins to new bras, comfier trainers, to giving me extra cash so I can indulge on fruits and healthy food. Today he booked a holiday for us to go to Egypt later on this year after I said a holiday would be really nice and would give me, something to look forward to it before the baby comes and a nice opportunity just to relax.

Despite all of this, I keep on lashing out at him and I’m upset and I’m angry and I’m scared. I’m scared that things will change between us and he will leave me. I already have an older child who I have a toxic relationship with his dad, we split up when our child was 2.

Nothing this man has done has given me an inkling that he will leave me or things won’t work out, But I can’t help but just being difficult and causing arguments. I keep on crying over the smallest things.

I don’t want to be like this, It’s not fair on him, and it can’t be good for me either. He has been so supportive and understanding and patient, but yet I still carry on and I can see myself doing things to push him away and I just don’t understand why I’m doing it.

I know I am the one being unreasonable, but how do I just come to terms of what’s happening to us? I’m scared about everything that’s gonna happen to my body because obviously I’ve been through it before so I know what is to come, But I think my biggest fear is that I’m going to go through this all over again and there’s a chance I may end up a single Mum again. My child is 12 now so I’m finally getting my freedom back and my body is in good-ish shape To be doing it all over again. I’m 36 years old and I have always wanted a Family and this is my chance at getting it with a man who is capable of looking after us and has all the traits that I wanted in a partner, But I feel like I’m jeopardising it with my behaviour.

How can I just get over this and accept that I’m pregnant because I won’t be getting an abortion. I love him so much and I see a future with him. He’s currently on the way to my house after I spent the whole evening pushing him away while we were out at a restaurant and eventually made him drop me home and told him to go home himself.

I want us to go back to how we were a week ago before I found out I was pregnant - Things were literally just perfect, and now I have just turned into a witch who can’t stop crying!

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · Today 00:24

Sounds like an intense week considering you are only just missing your period now, but he’s already bought you loads of ‘pregnancy’ stuff and had you lashing out at him all week. Maybe take a few days apart to think about what you both want, the relationship sounds a bit toxic and very intense.

malloryknox123 · Today 11:27

Are you self sabotaging because you subconsciously think you don’t deserve to be treated nicely?

Boreded · Today 11:29

Well it seems like you just need to tell him these feelings. Then work out a coping mechanism for when you feel stressed, walk out of the room or have a word you say that means you both take a pause.

PollyBell · Today 12:06

You are being abusive same as if a man was acting this way thete are no excuses, you need help

something2say · Today 12:12

Hiya,

Firstly, he needs a massive apology from you. No holds barred.

Then, you need to level up.

You have gone up a level and now have a family, a baby on the way, and a decent committed partner.

It is time for you to work out the new rules and how you are going to play by them to be the best woman you can be.

For example, I am in a new marital situation and I suddenly have lots more people to take care of, and I am in a different role as a woman. Just like you, the rules are different and my old life has completely gone. I do not want to look back and think I messed it up or spoilt it.

I would do some journalling work on your trauma, and read up on how to heal it, and get independent help and don't ask for emotional help from him, as being needy is a turn off, these are your wounds and you are grown up enough to handle them.

Manage the relationship, be decent in your temper and words, deliberately create nice times. He must be shitting himself, and what are his friends and family saying about his situation?

Rescue it, and meanwhile attend to your emotional needs. Good luck x

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