I’ve been with my partner since officially April, but we were seeing each other exclusively from when we first met in February. We love each other and this relationship is like no other I’ve been in. There was no games, no wondering if they like me or are thinking about me, from the moment we said we liked each other we have been pretty much inseparable. We weren’t as careful as we should’ve been and I am now pregnant - 4 weeks. We spoke about having kids, but that was in the future. Since we found out, he has been nothing but caring and loving. Anything that I’ve needed he has given - emotional support as well as material things from pregnancy vitamins to new bras, comfier trainers, to giving me extra cash so I can indulge on fruits and healthy food. Today he booked a holiday for us to go to Egypt later on this year after I said a holiday would be really nice and would give me, something to look forward to it before the baby comes and a nice opportunity just to relax.
Despite all of this, I keep on lashing out at him and I’m upset and I’m angry and I’m scared. I’m scared that things will change between us and he will leave me. I already have an older child who I have a toxic relationship with his dad, we split up when our child was 2.
Nothing this man has done has given me an inkling that he will leave me or things won’t work out, But I can’t help but just being difficult and causing arguments. I keep on crying over the smallest things.
I don’t want to be like this, It’s not fair on him, and it can’t be good for me either. He has been so supportive and understanding and patient, but yet I still carry on and I can see myself doing things to push him away and I just don’t understand why I’m doing it.
I know I am the one being unreasonable, but how do I just come to terms of what’s happening to us? I’m scared about everything that’s gonna happen to my body because obviously I’ve been through it before so I know what is to come, But I think my biggest fear is that I’m going to go through this all over again and there’s a chance I may end up a single Mum again. My child is 12 now so I’m finally getting my freedom back and my body is in good-ish shape To be doing it all over again. I’m 36 years old and I have always wanted a Family and this is my chance at getting it with a man who is capable of looking after us and has all the traits that I wanted in a partner, But I feel like I’m jeopardising it with my behaviour.
How can I just get over this and accept that I’m pregnant because I won’t be getting an abortion. I love him so much and I see a future with him. He’s currently on the way to my house after I spent the whole evening pushing him away while we were out at a restaurant and eventually made him drop me home and told him to go home himself.
I want us to go back to how we were a week ago before I found out I was pregnant - Things were literally just perfect, and now I have just turned into a witch who can’t stop crying!