AIBU to want a relationship but feel it is impossible to tolerate a man? Anyone else?

What a strange comment. You can be happily married for sixty years and still be alone at the end because you were widowed.

It took me years to finally decide I was done being in relationships. It’s been ten years of voluntary singledom and I haven’t once felt any angst about it. It’s been emotionally peaceful and I am in control of my life every day. If I want to book a holiday to Japan tomorrow I can. If I wanted to go on a three month cruise I can. If I want to get a dog, cat or both I can. If I want to decorate my house all in pink and fairy lights I can. I’ll never swap that freedom now for compromise and definitely not for someone’s moods.

Nothing wrong in wanting to be single.
Nothing wrong in wanting a relationship but never live with someone anymore.
The only people you are ever committed to, and for life, are your kids.

I don't understand why "women" would be the solution and why they would be "tolerable" when men are not, they're just people.

You can just look at this forum and see that SOME women are horrible. The things some posters come up with, and the way they act and think.

Of course people understand wanting to be single. But op is unsure so she needs to investigate that and the reality of either choice in its fullness.

This is what misogynistic men just don’t understand. Alone does not equal miserable. Alone can equal true peace and contentment. And many many women are not “alone” anyway - they have friends, family, who all mean the world to them and they don’t need to centre a man in their lives to be happy. And the men just can’t deal with that - hence all the lashing out and mantrums online trying to get women “back in their place”.
Yeah well we decide now what is our place in life.

But I dont understand, from what you said, why you want a relationship?

If you read the relationship board on here you'd never be with a man again. The abuse, violence and financial abuse is terrifying. I'd lock them all up.
I've been married 38 years and I know I wouldn't get married again. My DH is lovely but I hate cooking (he does the cleaning and main shop). I just want to watch chic flicks and eat cheese. He likes neither! We've had a rollercoaster marriage due to caring responsibilities, financial woes and serious illness.

My bff is a bisexual . The women have been as nasty as the men. She's 65 and still looking. Three marriages, only one good. I told to give it up but she won't. The last bf was 38 and a gold digger. Now married to someone else but 'keeping in touch'.

Now I don't mind men in general but I will never work for a male boss again. Toxic arseholes have made me retire early.

I understand exactly what you mean. Every relationship I have had has failed due to the man’s bad behaviour. I no longer have relationships. I don’t hate men though, I can’t, I have wonderful sons who, thankfully, are not toxic in any way.

I am so much happier being single but it would have been lovely to have had a genuinely good man to share my life with but it wasn’t to be.

Why would sharing space with someone you don’t respect or like through gritted teeth in old age be better than being on your own?

You seem to think you know more about the OP than she knows about herself.

DD is gay and the muck-around she’s had from other women is ridiculous, makes me think that they’re worse than men to be in a relationship with, but in a different way.
No shade to not wanting to be in a relationship w a man, but I think dislike of all men is a bit OTT. I really like men (in general).

Like others have said I'm talking about a situation where for some reason my marriage was no longer.

Im lucky in that i have a great partner who i couldn't be without, but i see some of the useless women my friends ended up with and there's no way I'd bother with women if i was somehow single again.

I could have written the OP.

I honestly would like a relationship (perhaps a living apart together set up), and I’m not without offers.

But even the best of men I know, and I do know some great guys, even they have traits which would be deal breakers for me. I really would like to meet a woman I find attractive, but I never have.

You only have to read a small %age of threads on here to see the truth of this.

So you like the idea of marriage, but not the reality of it.

In that case you probably need to de-programme yourself from society’s ideas fed into you for decades, and accept your own ideas.

I’m somewhat in the same but also different spot. I really like men and their company, spending time with them. However I don’t like the idea of commitment/ a shared routine, and family life. Therefore I’ve accepted that I’ll just have a fair few men loosely in my life, and deal with the inevitable disappointment of them wanting more whenever required.

I like the idea of a relationship, but in reality I like my own lifestyle more, and it just doesn’t seem compatible with what’s expected by a partner

I’m reading this thread as OP doesn’t want to compromise anymore, I didn’t. It’s funny that there are people who can’t understand why anyone wants to be single. We are so conditioned to want to be in a relationship. My friend has a terrible marriage and she’s obsessed with me finding a partner, misery loves company I suppose.

That's such a ridiculous comeback. So someone basically cannot robustly defend their position because then they're trying to hard and must not really think it? The certainty that someone will definitely regret not settling for a crap relationship and die lonely is both patronising and arrogant.

I don’t hate them all but so many have poor behaviour. I did very surprisingly end up married and have children. Still married for coming up close to 30 years. I was friends with DH for almost 2 years before dating.

I enjoyed dating very much before though but on my terms, I was 30 when I got together with DH. I had 3 boyfriends before him, 2 of them wanted to marry me. I ended all those relationships when they didn’t suit me. One had an overbearing family and there were religious issues there and the other was just not ambitious enough. He was and is a social justice warrior, I saw him giving a speech at a rally about 7 years ago on TV, going at it with his unstructured 6th form politics.

Any other chancers just one foot out of line by a smidge and there was no second date. My hairdresser dumped a guy once because of the way he ate apples. You may have been too tolerant but unaware you were being too tolerant in the past.

The answer is possibly a women commune these are gaining traction globally.
Ones actually been built in my area its a small housing development with individual units and shared communal spaces.

I know people will read this and think ‘well choose a better man’ but honestly these men were some of the ‘good ones.’

To my shame I used to be in this camp but you wont hear it pass my lips these days... we need to loudly shout that men need to step it up.
honestly from their pov i dont get it..."not much" put them leagues above their peers. It's actually EASY to have huge competitive advantage.

There’s no guarantee that you’ll have anyone with you when you die. What a weird comment.

Not trying to convince anyone you're the one who think I need a man to be happy? Im perfectly happy with my life

Because if you do want to be with someone it requires compromise. Everything can’t only be your way or on your schedule.

you are two people making space for each other and at 30+ that comes with a whole adult life or other commitments, foibles and responsibilities. Or is the expectation that someone should accept you as you are but without it being reciprocated?

I actually think the male loneliness epidemic is because their own vile behaviour has meant that nobody really wants to spend time with them. They've brought it on themselves.

If you actually want a relationship. Nothing wrong with not wanting one obviously.

You’re trying way to hard to convince me (and yourself) that that’s true.

Wow trust me love i dont need a man to feel happy and loved with people around me. I have wonderful friends and a very close family and 2 wonderful DD. I am happy and comfortable in my own company and have a very comfortable income and will have an excellent pension. Trust me I dont need a man to make me happy. In fact they seem to make it quite the opposite. Most i have had the pleasure of are parasitic children at best and entitled abusive arseholes at the worst. Maybe those of you with male partners will be the miserable ones eh

Wow trust me love i dont need a man to feel happy and loved with people around me. I have wonderful friends and a very close family and 2 wonderful DD. I am happy and comfortable in my own company and have a very comfortable income and will have an excellent pension. Trust me I dont need a man to make me happy. In fact they seem to make it quite the opposite. Most i have had the pleasure of are parasitic children at best and entitled abusive arseholes at the worst. Maybe those of you with male partners will be the miserable ones eh

Why?