AIBU to want a relationship but feel it is impossible to tolerate a man? Anyone else?

When humans get made they give out cocks or a conscience..you don't get both. Get cats

I wouldn’t want a relationship with any man if I ever split from my husband.
My husband was complaining that an elderly woman had started at work and was never going to keep up with the pace of work at her age so would inevitably be a hindrance.
I thought how sad that someone who would probably like to retire was forced to struggle on in old age but it turns out… Elderly woman is in fact the same age as me 43 which by the way is 4 years younger than him at 39.
His response when I asked how he thought she was elderly was to simply rephrase what he said and say he just meant she was an old woman.
Never has he commented on the many men that work there in their 60s and above but I now know he thinks of me as an elderly/old woman which makes me feel great especially as we have young children together and I’m a long way off being the grandma he sees me as.

OP you SURE you aren’t gay??? Women are really, really good at sex.

Am gay and don’t know how you all put up with male partners! I really like a lot of men, but that’s because I get their fun side as friends without having to put up with their BS as partners.
I know some amazing women who would like to have a DH etc but don’t seem to be able to find a man because these men seem to think that women their own age are too old for them, too ‘set in their ways’ or not ( FILL IN THE blank) for them.
It’s frustrating to watch these wonderful, smart, interesting women get rejected by blokes who quite frankly don’t deserve them anyway.
Don’t know what the answer is, if any of my single friends were actually gay I could have them married off to an equally impressive woman within a month! Not even kidding.

In a happy relationship with a lovely man and know many lovely men. Yes they are different to women. Yes that can be frustrating. But it's also natural, men and women are different. Physically and socially.

To be fair my husband is a gentle, kind, funny man and my mate’s is an ethical and kind hearted bloke. Our male children are beautiful humans who are nurturing and supportive partners. DH has hardly any male friends though - can’t find ones he likes. He can’t abide the posturing, the porn, the football, the banter, the sexism. He looks like a bloke’s bloke so they often try bond that way. He reminds me of that comic who says he looks like the posterboy for racists and has the joke qin response to the coming over here comments he looks to invite that he knows, there was even one in his bathroom this morning. DH is the feminist version. He is a much more gentle soul that me and finds life tough. Same for my friends DH . It’s us who hold the show together so we still joke that we would be an amazing couple if only we were gay. You aren’t unreasonable.

You need to be pickier to start with.

I get it. It's not asking for the earth to not want a relationship with someone that's going to be detrimental to you.

If that was aimed at me, read my post again, especially the last line. Does it come across as smug?

On any post where anyone is single and unhappy, numerous people line up to post a variant of the unhelpful, smug, double-whammy of: "I'm happily in a relationship with my lovely, one-of-the-good-ones husband, but if he died I wouldn't seek another relationship, I'd be absolutely happy and content by myself."

Why post this? You're not single and who knows how you would actually feel if you were, and neither of these observations are in any way helpful to the OP.

Perhaps just revel in being single but be open to the possibility of a relationship with a lovely person if they come along.

I had a 30 year marriage to a man who became more and more idiotic frankly, then a 7 year ‘living apart together’ relationship with a man which ended 6 months ago when he was arrested for possession of extreme pornography 😱. I feel I’m over the shock and horror of that, but he had seemed to be a good (not perfect) man so I am left with the feeling that men are just stupid and vile…

…which means I’m fine working with them, I still love my brother and my sons-in-law, but I will never share my bed or life with another man.

In fact I’m fine with this. So much so I am actively looking for a ring for myself that denotes (for me, I won’t tell anyone else) that I am in a happy relationship with myself until I die.

I have no negative opinion on anyone being single.

What I find amusing is the idea that women are the holy grail in relationships and men are at best an inconvenience that you do a favour to.

If anything happened to DH, I would never, ever live with a man again.
I would take a lover, (maybe more than one!) and have boyfriends and dates but my home would be off limits. I'm not doing the housework, cooking, cleaning and emotional and mental labour for anyone else.

Women are sold the dream of a perfect relationship with a man, an equal partnership, being a team on equal terms. Men will play along for a while until you're in too deep and then they stop. Protect your peace and your home. You can build a rich, deeply connected life on your own terms.

😂

This old trope gets thrown out all the time on threads like this. I just find it funny how some people seem to have a real problem with women who are very happily single. Most odd.

I suppose it all depends on how much of a misandrist you are really. Bear in mind of course they might not find you much of a catch either.

This.

Don’t have a relationship when you clearly hate men. It isn’t fair on them. You will nitpick every single little thing. Also, don’t tar all men with the same brush. Men who declare they hate women get crucified in here. It should be the same when reversed

A few posts have mentioned posts on mumsnet as a guide to how relationships/men are. mumsnet is not reflective of real life. At all. I’m highly unlikely to make a post saying DH and I went for drinks last night. It was nice. Just a couple hours. Had a takeaway pizza after. Nice evening. I’m much more likely to post something like DH and I had a massive row and I want to know who was being unreasonable. The reality being what I want is other people telling me I was 100% right and him 100% wrong. Real life is rarely so black and white.

I think it’s incredible sad that you can dismiss all men like that - you clearly have had bad experiences

I’m 42 and feel completely exhausted by relationships. I can relate to what you said about even the good men causing pain, and I just generally now find relationships to be too much work and compromise. I can’t be bothered anymore.

I might change my mind one day and look for another relationship, or maybe I’ll just meet someone - who knows? In the meantime, though I’m perfectly happy and content on my own. Honestly, get a dog - they’re much better company and mostly very agreeable 😂.

Even if I do have another relationship at some point, I will not live with another man ever again. I’ve tried it twice and it’s just not for me.

I have an amazing dh. But after seeing what a lot of my friends have put up with I say the same. If anything happened to him I would not be interested if meeting anyone else for all the reasons you give.

I get you OP.
My DH is from Singapore, and men are just raised differently there, there’s a low crime rate etc and it’s just a completely different culture and he’s genuinely lovely. If we ever split, I’d not bother with British men again, experience tells me it’s not worth it. It’s not a men thing generally, it’s the culture in which many boys are raised. Both in society and as a family.

Doesnt mean you’re a lesbian! It’s a complicated feeling and I’m not sure everyone understands (yet?)

Hahaha! I’m sure it’s worth a try!