AIBU to want a relationship but feel it is impossible to tolerate a man? Anyone else?

it's a well-know fact that SOME girls and women subdue their own strengths.

Some of us are just fine, thank you. Maybe because we consider boys and men as our equal, maybe because we were surrounded by the right ones, or a bit of both, I can't tell you.

But some of us even are boosted by the men around us just as much as the women. I know a handful of posters want to be in a world where the men are the enemy and an easy excuse for any of their own failing, but thankfully that's not most of us.

I genuinely cant think of a single time since maybe I left primary school when it would have occurred to me to hit someone or answer or shout at them. No-one in my family or friendship group has ever had a fist fight. Its not universal human behaviour.

Some of the comments on this thread are unhinged. Applied to any other group of people in society they would be taken down as discrimination. The arrogance of the assumption that as women we are perfect and that if relationships break down we are in no way responsible is astounding. Even allowing for the fact that some of the posters don’t believe what they’re saying and are just posting for the approval of others on mumsnet I’m appalled at the level of misandry on display.

Oh my god. Did you get out of the wrong side of the bed this morning? I usually defend MN when I see those ‘everyone’s horrible here’ posts but I will remember your unsolicited anger towards this poor poster next time. Try to ignore, sunnycrow.

Divorced 3 times, you’ve decided to be single have you? Men were the problem? Don’t want to look at the common denominator there no?

It's a well-known fact that girls and women subdue their own strengths when around boys and men. It's called the patriarchy and the poster you're telling "this is on you" to isn't responsible for it.

Yep. Im single and love it. I like the idea of a man but not the reality. Im excited about a future of traveling and getting lots of pets. I have plenty of friends. Im going to be a crazy old lady.

Well that’s my point really. Yes, most people as they age become dull, hidebound, whiny and selfish - men and women. As I’m heterosexual, I would only consider a relationship with a man. Ergo, I’m lamenting that the particular pool I am fishing in has turned boring.

It all comes back to the same point: I’m happily single for life.

Come on, a large number of PEOPLE are boring, 60 plus or otherwise. Nothing to say, no enthusiasm for much, do the same old shit, at the same old time, in the same old way.

This notion that men are all beer-bellied curmudgeons and women are all vivacious raconteurs is a load of hogwash.

As I say, a balanced discussion isn't really going to happen on MN on this topic.

By the men. Using them and courts as a way to further abuse, harass and control the women.

i’m with you OP. I’ve been married three times and am now on my own. #1 I was too
young. And he was violent. #2 he was truly someone’s unmedicated son! #3 was such a disappointment…I’ve made peace with the fact that I am much better off alone. I have two amazing DDs (husband #2) and I have made a real effort to have a full life of my own. I study, I work on myself. I have hobbies, friends, travel, emotional safety and peace.

I went to an all girl-school and to a mix school. I made friends, and I can also categorically say that some girls are absolute bitches, never seen such behaviour with boys.

No restrictions whilst growing up to be melded by the men or boys around you. I was able to be me if you changed your behaviour because you wanted to make an impression on boys, it's on you. It's weird, but it's purely you. Most of us don't do that 😂

I'm sorry, but much of this is bizarre.

Single sex schooling? Yes, that's me. I loved it. No restrictions whilst growing up to be melded by the men or boys around you. I was able to be me. Naughty actually, mischievous actually, and learning to accept the boundaries. Anyone who criticises single sex schooling only does so as an outsider. it was the best, and the least restrictive.

It’s weird isn’t it OP. I actually know a lot of who i’d consider to be eligible men in their 40s /early 50s, but i’m partnered and no doubt if i was single they wouldn’t fancy me or be available.
Are you into running or cycling? You can meet lots of men at running clubs. Thing is, the single ones are often divorced with kids, and this isn’t what women always want?

Of the single men i know who have never married or had kids, there are reasons for it. Some are very overweight (not trying to be unkind but it’s not usually sought after in a partner) , drink or drugs problems, divisive political views or extremely picky.

It depends what you can tolerate and what you will put up with. One of my oldest friends is single at 41 and hasn’t had a relationship for about 15 years. She isn’t great at compromise and always told me she would never date a man who watched football. This is ruling out 50% of men, probably more!
Don't want to tolerate things? That’s fine but it makes it harder to find a relationship. You need to work out what is more important to you.
Enjoy your life, space and time!
Personally if i was single i’d find a FWB on the apps and live in my own house with cats and DD.

Is it not obvious that men commit more violent crimes because they're physically stronger? I don't think women are any less likely to feel anger or have violent thoughts (just speaking for myself here) - they just know that actually throwing a punch isn't going to end well for them.

The Power by Naomi Alderman is a very thought-provoking novel with the premise "what if women suddenly had more physical strength than men". After I finished it I had several very enjoyable violent fantasies about what I'd do with that power and to whom.

Although in the minority, men are killed by their partners. My cousin was stabbed by his and died, she went to prison and their 6 month old son went to live with my other cousin and his wife.

Yes yes silence is complicity etc etc. Technically I agree with you but it would be fucking exhausting calling everything out every time, especially if it's a passing interaction with someone you don't have to see frequently.

I also think that as you get older you encounter these views much less, because you shape your social circle according to your own values. All the men in my social circle are what I'd call good men - that is no accident, that is because I only allow good men into my social circle. Consequently DH and I aren't really in the position of having to call anyone out much. On top of that anyone who knows me is fully aware of my opinions - if they did hold any problematic views they wouldn't be airing them around me.

That's kind of the problem - the real deep-rooted misogyny is mostly in a different bubble to the people who might call it out.

I didn’t explain myself very well, sorry. I meant that yes, we all have to spend time with other people eg at work, doing sport, school gates, travelling who we wouldn’t necessarily choose to associate with. In doing so we can encounter ‘bad ones’, off views, poor behaviour. Every time we don’t call out these things, we tacitly endorse/enable them.

Do you hang out with "the bad ones" yourself?
What makes you think normal men have any interest in hanging out with the bad ones themselves?

I wouldn't be around so many of the MN posters, it's not worth it, so I don't expect my male friends to hand around the male equivalent and police them.

Great example of the 99 to 1 rule of the internet.

I am hoping they exaggerate a bit, but if you believe the women on MN, the majority hate birthdays, parties, friends, holidays, engagements, weddings, travel, sport, anything foreign, the heat, the cold, the rain, exercise, and never answer the phone or open the door and want nothing but staying in their pjs all evening and weekends.

They sound fascinating 😂

sooo many men in my age group (60s) are incredibly boring?
Very likely. But they're not the only ones 😂

Plus, can I just point out that sooo many men in my age group (60s) are incredibly boring?

And yes, they are fucking boring. Obsessed with themselves, entitled,and dull. Plus they demand physical high standards in the women they want, yet they themselves are generally bald, jowly, beer gutted, man boobed, and saggy scrotummed.

It isn't emotionally easy and they cheat.