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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think dating apps are an absolute cesspit?!

12 replies

VibrancyInspector · 07/08/2026 22:00

Either complete gym bros, or completely self unaware people ( one the only line in his bio was literally ‘looking for a wife to have my babies’)
to fake bot profiles to a very rare couple that have seemed interested then ghosted once they’ve realised I’m divorced/have kids (even though it’s on my bio)

tried meeting people the organic way but difficult as at 39 most of my friends are settled down down want to go out to bars etc and a lot of hobbies etc require a commitment of certain time/days which is incompatible with my with

Think I might just adopt a few more cats

OP posts:
PermanentTemporary · 07/08/2026 22:03

I do hear it’s pretty rubbish these days. I met dp 5 years ago, very straightforward. But probably wouldn’t go that route again.

Optimisticdramalarma · 07/08/2026 22:04

I met my dp on a dating app

There are good ones out there,but by God,99% is a cess pit

I went o dates with some lovely blokes that didn't work out but mostly bloody Incels that seemed to think I owed them sex just because they said hello

I didn't pin all my hopes on the apps-by the time I met dp,I'd given up and only went on because I was bored that evening

Don't give up but don't lose sight of meeting someone in 'real' life

Wishing you luck

Original poster
VibrancyInspector · 07/08/2026 22:07

Thanks, yeah defo not putting much hope on anyone I do speak to, I’m not investing more emotionally than I’m prepared to lose, but it’s got a bit demoralising.

the amount of profiles that say things like ‘if you aren’t interested in

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Loulou4022 · 07/08/2026 22:08

I met DH on Match in 2021. My friend was on at the same time and didn’t have any joy so I think I was just lucky. I think the paid ones are a little better as you don’t get blokes on there just after causal hook ups

Original poster
VibrancyInspector · 07/08/2026 22:09

Sorry posted too soon

if you aren’t interested in xyz then do me a favour don’t bother swiping

or saying ‘ I cba filling out these bios, if you want to know something, ask’
like just a tiny amount of effort is too much

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clearlyy · 07/08/2026 22:12

They’re awful. I’ve had lots of dates and hookups from the apps but never had a relationship from them. All my relationships have been organic. I hate dating apps so much.

Catza · 07/08/2026 22:12

VibrancyInspector · 07/08/2026 22:09

Sorry posted too soon

if you aren’t interested in xyz then do me a favour don’t bother swiping

or saying ‘ I cba filling out these bios, if you want to know something, ask’
like just a tiny amount of effort is too much

The way I look at it, those blokes are gold because they are telling me upfront not to bother with them. It's the ones which seem totally normal at first that you need to be careful with.
Met my current boyfriend online, he was the second guy I've been on a date with. They are out there somewhere so don't give up but do approach it with a bit of humour.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 07/08/2026 22:18

You are literally sifting through a sea of human effluent.

It took over 3 yrs to meet my husband. I was "doing" approx 10-20 hrs per week. It was a fucking part time job....

The last chopper out of nam meme resonated hard and still does.
If my dh dies or we divorce I'm staying single for life.

I remember "kindly" telling my mum at 50 after she divorced my dad she could still meet someone..she politely advised she was all okay thanks. I look back at my naivety and shudder.

Original poster
VibrancyInspector · 07/08/2026 22:21

Haha well I wasn’t too bothered, been single 4 years after divorce thought it would be nice to have a bit of fun.
maybe it’s different if you are young, slim, fit etc but I think I’ll be deleting the apps pretty quick

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Original poster
VibrancyInspector · 07/08/2026 22:23

And the amount of people that just stop speaking to you. Maybe I’m old fashioned (too old fashioned for OLD) but say least just have the decency to say, xyz isn’t for me, wish you well etc, then leave it

OP posts:
ChagallsMuse · 07/08/2026 22:26

I was on Tinder briefly and then decided I'd rather stay single.

"If you want to know just ask". Honey, you're not that compelling.

Long lists of "not interested in...". Like damn! I'm not the woman you want! Gutted!

"I'm not here to play games". Shucks, I was.

My personal best was a man who listed his MH diagnoses (must be 402 friendly!) And explained he hasn't left his house in 4 years. I have schizoaffective disorder. I get the impact of mh problems. But ime, it's a second date conversation.

Original poster
VibrancyInspector · 07/08/2026 22:38

ChagallsMuse · 07/08/2026 22:26

I was on Tinder briefly and then decided I'd rather stay single.

"If you want to know just ask". Honey, you're not that compelling.

Long lists of "not interested in...". Like damn! I'm not the woman you want! Gutted!

"I'm not here to play games". Shucks, I was.

My personal best was a man who listed his MH diagnoses (must be 402 friendly!) And explained he hasn't left his house in 4 years. I have schizoaffective disorder. I get the impact of mh problems. But ime, it's a second date conversation.

Hahah yes! My exact experience 😅

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