AIBU to think a seven-year-old going alone to restaurant toilets is unsafe?

I think it would be fine to be honest

The worst case scenario- there’s a bloke who assaults her or takes her off or someone hurting her- like the guy throwing someone off the Tate. The chances of this happening- very unlikely. A little boy went into men’s toilet alone and his mum was outside and he got assaulted by a man near me recently.

Its all very much the worse case Scenario and likely would never happen, but so thought Madeline McCanns parents.

My kids (DD 9 and DD7) go alone now. But we’re suburb of Bham. I have been to some sketchy unisex toilets in central London, I wasn’t happy being in them myself alone. I think I’d have to be comfortable with the place and area.

Borderline. Around age 8 felt right for us. It would depend on the layout, how familiar I was with the place, and the child in question though.

Lol can just imagine that happening at the Tottenham Hotspur football club at half time Don't really remember so many disabled toilets in the 70s either

I used to be a driving instructor. I met some 17-year-olds who looked as if they had never made a decision in their lives: it was often the posh ones who were the least independent. Perhaps I should have shown my DBS to their parents, just in case. I used to send them to petrol station toilets on long lessons. I used to get them to put petrol in the car. Was I putting their lives at risk?

There’s also the problem that with the sensationist media we have, aided and abetted by Mumsnet, we are given the impression that these disasters happen all the time. They are very rare, but when they do happen, they make big news. For every one incident of something happening to a child in a public toilet, there are 100,000 or more moments of children using public toilets where nothing happens. Mumsnet and the Daily Wail need to remember this.

Taking children on an everyday car journey (with proper car seats etc) is probably inherently more risky, statistically. Compare a similar debate on MN: never leave children alone in car while paying for petrol, because the petrol station might explode, someone might abduct them, etc. Some mumsnetters prefer the faff of getting the children out of their car seats, escorting them across the forecourt (where drivers often don’t look before pulling away - much more dangerous in my view), but it “feels” safer.

Life is all about assessing and balancing risk, and I am
sure we are not doing our children any favours by wrapping them in cotton wool all the time.

I don’t think you’re a helicopter parent but I’m unsure with your actual situation what I would have done. If the 7 year old was confident and comfortable and they’ve been many times probably. If not, then probably not. My daughter would have been fine at 7 but I know others who wouldn’t have been. My son is only 5 so not ready yet to not have a parent stood outside the cubicle door. The main issue to me here is the unisex cubicles.

My son was abused in a toilet at12. No way on earth would I let a 7 year old go to a restaurant or public toilet alone. If you want to call that helicopter parenting than so be it. Avoiding the subsequent trauma fall out when things go wrong is worth a bit of silly MN name calling.

My 7 year old boy has a teenage boy try to stop him going to the ladies at bowling this week. He really needed a wee urgently and I was trying to wrangle his toddler brother. The toilets were in sight.

I explained that I was not letting a little boy go into the mens unsupervised. The boys mother started ranting about women's spaces. Despite the fact her teen has been going between the gents and the ladies.

It was insane.

Same!!

And what happens when kids never get to figure things out, get lost for a bit, or sort a problem without mum right there?

@SpareMe makes a really good point. My kids are older teens now and like/need to have a bit of independence. And it has to start somewhere. Small steps. Because you can’t expect an 18 year old to be off to a big university city on their own when they’ve never been on the train alone. And you can’t go on the train alone if you’ve never been out for a walk alone/been able to ask for information from a stranger/fo to the loo alone. And you don’t want your child turning into one of those over anxious adults who can’t do anything by themselves. So where does it start? Maybe it is going to the loo by yourself in a restaurant you know well and where mum is waiting for you to come back. As others have said, if she’d been there before and was comfortable to go, I’d have thought it was a win that she felt confident enough to do it. Not enormously risky in a busy, high footfall place where the loos are in constant use. :

Not sure about London but yes i started letting my daughter go to the toilet alone from about 7 where we live.

As others have stated, you’ve got to weigh the value of independence vs the very small risk. And without wanting to sound callous, I’m not sure the specific risk of being attacked decreases that much with age- is a 14yo going to be able to fend off an adult man any better than a 7yo?

I remember one holiday my mum wouldn’t let my 13yo sister walk back from the pool to our room alone in case someone grabbed her and pulled her into their room on the way past. Yes, technically that’s a thing that could happen but it’s not like being 5 years older and an inch taller would make it any less likely. Some things either you have to live with a tiny risk or stay inside at home forever.

So if a dad was out with his 12 year old daughter would you think it’s acceptable for her to go into the men’s? I would expect my husband to wait outside the ladies (or an arranged place) for our daughter to come back, not to take her into the men’s.

by 12 I would be expecting our daughter to be able to go out with her mates around town during the day on a weekend etc. I know we did at that age.

Depends on location. London? Hell, no

where I live - yes from age 4

Not in that scenario but I have let my 7yo ds go to the loo on his own in other scenarios. Like if I’m in the ladies next door and he wants to go to the men’s and it’s a restaurant/area I know well. I don’t think I’d let him go to the toilet in a busy London restaurant on a different floor. But I agree, I think some of these stories are crazy. Not letting a 12 yo go to the toilet on their own?!? Look I know there are horrible people out there. But we also need to teach our children independence.

I don’t think I’d let them in one of those weird petrol station toilets, and I’m careful now with supermarket toilets after there have been quite a few incidents reported.

But I agree with PPs on the risks of helicopter parenting outweighing the tiny risk of an attack in a restaurant. Family members have anxious NEET kids stuck in their rooms and it’s a gilded cage, I don’t want that for my own kids. Yes bad things do happen but sensible risk assessment is the way forward and the parenting culture of “I’d never forgive myself if….” can really get out of hand.

Exactly! A sensible and well balanced approach

seven year olds can go to the toilet alone

yes, you are a helicopter parent

If the girl is young enough he should take her into the men's. That is better than an adult male in the women's room. Women bring young boys in the ladies all the time.

At 13 yes. At infant/junior school age eg 7, then no.

Helicopter parenting has reached new levels.

Not allowing teenagers to use public toilets unsupervised? When are children supposed to learn to navigate the world? When do children graduate to using public toilets unsupervised? 10? 15? 21? I thought children could do paid work from the age of 13 (although whether the jobs are there for them is another matter).

Some teenagers travel alone, by public transport, from one town to another, at the age of thirteen. I certainly did. Incidents in public toilets never crossed my mind, and probably not my parents’ either. There’s probably much more chance of being injured by a car, than something happening in a public toilet.

How about instead equipping children with knowledge and skills to navigate the world, instead of helicopter parenting them well into their adulthood? What is it that employers say nowadays, that young adults simply cannot think or do anything for themselves? What chance do they have of they have been helicoptered to this extent?

My daughter will be travelling 20 miles by public transport to school at 11.
Is she supposed to wet herself if she needs the toilet during the journey?

So, you were sitting next to a family in Wagamama, and were obsessed with the safety of a 7 year old you don’t know in London on a sunny Saturday afternoon? Leave that poor family be.