AIBU Over Nephew's Wedding?

I wouldn't be doing a 14-hour round trip for a pretend wedding for anyone, what a ridiculous waste of time.

"Intimate ceremony" = 60 guests, including 7 bridesmaids and 7 groomsmen!

an intimate legal ceremony is a few of your closest friends and family, not sixty people. I'm with others, I would say thank you for the invite but it doesn't work for me. send a nice gift/card and not go/

Reread what I said: I’m blaming both of them. They both got married. With 60 guests including 7 groomsmen and 7 bridesmaids. Now they’re having a second reception. I merely suggested they might have done this to hoover up some more gifts. I’m quite a cynical person.

Either way the whole things sounds like a ball ache considering it’s just a party and not actually a wedding and I personally wouldn’t bother going. Each to their own.

I’m not saying it does. But when what you’re saying is, as you suggest “I’m not coming because I don’t want to spend my
money on it” its a slightly different excuse really isn’t it?

What about Airbnb or something similar? There are lots of holiday parks around Dorset as well.

Why weren’t you and your DS invited to the wedding in May?

But you’re prepared to drive all through the night on Saturday after a full day arriving home at 4am?

People often get up super early for flights etc. honestly if its really only feasible to pay for 1 night only I’d rather stay on Saturday night so you can attend for the whole event.

You’re basically an evening only guest so unimportant as far as they’re concerned. If they cared about you, you’d have been at the actual ceremony. I realise this is harsh but I can’t stand selfish people like this at all. Weddings should be a celebration of your love surrounded by the people you respect, love and care about. If someone isn’t good enough to be at the ceremony, they shouldn’t be invited to the after party to make up numbers. Genuinely find it insulting.

What’s worse here is they’ve decided to have what is essentially the reception months after the proper ceremony and it’s all the way down at the bottom of the country when their family are presumably based up north? A 7 hour drive is hellish plus the cost for the hotel, I just wouldn’t be bothering.

Nope, no way! What ridiculous expectations people have of others, where weddings are concerned.
It’s not even the real ceremony (to which you weren't invited anyway) so your not being at the supplementary bash casts no shade on the marriage, and your brother is surely old enough to get through the do without his sister.
In your place, I’d hope to persuade my sister to keep the planned dates free, but to turn it into a weekend retreat for the pair of you, nowhere near the far distant country house rave up.
Decent hotel in a lovely town, a good dinner, and no stress (let alone a sulky if gorgeous nephew).

Of course find a way to blame the bride.

and plenty of people like to have an intimate legal ceremony and a bigger party later on. It’s hardly unusual.

"Can't afford" doesn't have to mean "it's this or starvation". Nobody has any right to say how others should spend their money - if it doesn't fit her budget, she can't afford it. £1200 on wedding accomodations could be the difference between treats / a holiday for her daughter or none at all - that's a totally unreasonable expectation to have of someone

Do you live in an area which has an airport with flights to Bournemouth, OP?

If you could get a cheap flight, that would mean avoiding the long hours of driving.

Fucking hell it’s not even a real wedding! I’m wondering if they’ve done it all this way to get more presents without having to host loads of people; guests rsvp no but send a nice gift/big fat cheque. Your “gorgeous nephew” might be gorgeous but he also might be dead sneaky too. Along with his bride of course…

Hi can you tell us where the event is in Dorset and we may be able to advise of suitable places near enough to venue

Two weddings… I have nowt else to say.

I can see your brothers point, and I’m not sure that the 60 guest wedding day would’ve had anything to do with him?

i understand sometimes people genuinely can’t afford something but quite often they say they can’t afford it to avoid going, or just because they’d rather not spend out, so I don’t find it as a very convincing “argument”

To be honest I wouldn’t bother going. 7 hour drive is ridiculous.

And all this expense your brother is demanding you go to isn’t even for a real wedding???

I’d be inclined not to go. Save you all the money, hassle, driving and annual leave. And your daughter will be bright & breezy for her first day at the big school.

Is there somewhere cheap you could stay halfway the night before and then one night in the expensive place?

Stay in Premier In type place Friday night. (Doesn't have to be immediately next to reception venue)
Get ready Saturday morning in wedding finery.
Put cases in the car.
Go straight to wedding
Book into accommodation near wedding.
Leave after breakfast on Sunday.(I can't see the point of hanging around).
Drive home.

We regularly do a similar distance/journey time- Bristol to greater Glasgow area- for family events and we always get away by 9am on the Sunday. I like to be home by teatime.

Why were you not invited to the actual important ceremony bit in May ?!

The 7 hour away sounds like a PITA due to logistics, time of year with school etc. I think for that distance I would be going to have a few days holiday down there, if that was not an option I wouldn't bother going at all.

Just send a nice card and gift.

Have you tried Trivago? Assuming the weekend is 4-6 Sept (guessing based on returning to school Monday) there is loads of accommodation available across Dorset for between 100-150 per room per night. Surely this would be easier, even if an hour back to a hotel Saturday night then drive fresh on Sunday rather than an awful overnight journey.

The ‘ceremony’ at the remote stately home is just window-dressing, though, isn’t it - they’re already married. If it was so important for you to witness that, they’d have invited everyone to the moderately sized actual wedding. I’d aim to get there for the shindig, which is the real purpose of the re-run, stay that night in the cheaper hotel, see family for breakfast, then head home on the Sunday.

i mean, what’s your brother most bothered about? Seeing the family, or seeing the exchange of vows they’ve already exchanged?