AIBU Over Nephew's Wedding?

But, this isn’t actually a wedding…

OP 60 guests with 7 bridesmaids and 7 groomsmen is not intimate by any stretch That is not an excuse for not having you at the original wedding...sack it off !

My view would be if your brother is so bothered you’re there then the accommodation on site should have been reserved for family…..

if he didn’t do this then this in all on him now really amd he has to accept whatever you choose.

They lied about the actual ceremony in May. I just wouldn’t go. Both the Brde and Groom had a say in who to invite at that. Your brother survived the May wedding all on his lonesome he can survive again. Awful behaviour on their parts, all of them.

They are relying on the old blood is thicker than water angle, blood can clot and kill you so bugger them.

If family were that important they’d have invited you to the actual 60 guest wedding.

If family were that important they’d have allocated accommodation at the venue for the (unnecessary) additional reception.

As they’ve done neither I’d tell your brother you’re clearly not that important, it’s too far/complicated/expensive and not go.

They already had a 60 guest wedding, now a 100 guest party, what next a 200 guest event next year? It’s ridiculous why people can’t just get married and be done with it.

I actually just wouldn’t go to this. It’s not the actual wedding - it’s just a party seven hours away at a really inconvenient time of year. It’s more important to them that their friends are staying over than family so I really wouldn’t waste all that time, money, and effort just to be a second tier guests.

You’d be better off offering to take them for a nice meal when you see them next, or just sending a nice gift. Your brother can huff and puff as much as he wants but it’s not his call.

I also wouldn't go. Do people really have two "weddings" now one after the other? You are perfectly entitled to be miffed at not being invited to the real wedding. Your daughter has a big day on the Monday, it's a long drive involving you taking unpaid leave, and your brother is still being arsey about it. Your nephew won't be that bothered one way or another. Just skip it OP.

If you can only afford to stay one night - I’d 100% stay on the night of the wedding. Getting up early to drive there for 12pm is a million times better than driving all through the night. Plus you can enjoy the day after event too.

I’m sure there’ll be a country pub or service station on the way to the wedding you can get changed in - get changed an hour or so before you arrive if it’s remote.

I wouldn't even go. It's not even their real wedding. I would've made the effort for their real wedding. My whole wedding was 60 people total and it really wasn't that small.

….this ! If you mattered that much to your brother and were his only family there you would have been invited in May. Who did he talk to there then ? Hes being totally selfish with all the effort you are putting in to going. BTW what does your BIL think about it after all he’s the one doing all the driving ? Can he not explain the logistics to him ?

I wouldn’t go. Also, why do you keep calling him your “gorgeous nephew”? 🤢

So yo u expect BIL to drive 7 hours Friday, get up at a sensible time Saturday for the wedding then drive from 9 pm - 4 am.

Honestly I think THAT is utterly unreasonable

Can you not afford to stay the two nights in a two nand a double?

I can’t believe you are considering a 7 hour drive at 9pm at night.
Personally I’d drive 4 hours and stay somewhere half way, sleep the night and finish the rest of journey on Sunday.

Tbh, I’d not go, dd starting school is much more important. Dn has shown you were you are in the pecking order, and I think he’s taking the piss. It’s not a wedding, it’s a party. The wedding has been and gone.

Way too much time, money and disruption for a party.

@MommaGriff If the premier inn is 50 minutes nearer to home then personally I would stay in the expensive hotel on the Friday night and the premier inn on the Saturday as the home journey would be 6 rather than 7 hours.

If the PI is not nearer to home then I would reverse this.

WRT your brother - he is being a bit of a dick but there maybe more to this I.e. he hasn’t had much input and thinks you are not 100% committed because you didn’t go to the Civil Ceremony and you are not staying in the Manor House - he had no control over this and is slightly embarrassed,

As you say your nephew is lovely and weddings are a big family event I would use the PI to make it feasible for you to stay to the 3nd. Plus who ever is driving is going to be knackered doing two 7 hour drives in 36 ish hours.

Another option is booking a PI 2 hours closer to home so you only have 5 hours on the Sunday.

@SleepyHollowed84 my daughter’s intimate legal ceremony was just 4 people . The couple and the two mums as witnesses . It was lovely .

Yes they do. The legal part doesn’t usually involve 7 bridesmaids and groomsmen and 60 guests.

OP, if the family were important you would have been invited in may.
I wouldn't dream of putting myself through that effort and cost the weekend befor my child goes to school.
You will all be exhausted.

I think most of my aunts and uncles left before the end of my wedding reception, I honestly couldn't tell you. The most important people you want there for the whole thing are your siblings, wedding party, close friends and immediate family. I don't think yabu. I'd make sure you tell the bride and groom you won't be there the Sunday though, for catering purposes and just let them know you're heading back earlier as your dd starts secondary the. Monday.

I think it’s completely unreasonable to book a wedding venue that is a 7 hour drive and EXPECT people to even attend. I wouldn’t make that journey for my niece or nephew. Your brother is being ridiculous.

Also - the venue is reserved for friends??
How can you not see that’s a huge ‘fuck you’.
You wouldn’t get me there if James Bond helicoptered me in and Duran Duran were doing a set.

Where is your brother staying if the venue is reserved for friends only?

Not sure why you would go tbh after being lied to.

But Dorset is not that remote lol and is packed to the rafters with holiday lets and holiday parks, so you really shouldn’t have trouble finding somewhere to lay your heads.

We regularly do a 6hr drive north from Dorset and I would agree that the worst time to travel is a Friday afternoon/early evening or on a Saturday. We usually leave at 5am.

If an invite is going to cost me more than a card and an outfit I'd not be going.

Cheeky fuckers..

The fact you cant see this is not on is the most worrying thing

I would tell him to stop being ridiculous and would move on how can you not get that?

You say firmly well I’ll be there for a lot more of it than I was for the first weddding and you didn’t complain then, and you can talk to all the people you talked to at the first wedding. Dd has her first day of high school on the Monday and I need her home and rested.