AIBU Over Nephew's Wedding?

You can leave the wedding when you like but driving through the night is in no way going to prepare your dd to start secondary on Monday. Your daughter's going to be exhausted.

No adult needs days to prepare to start their routine job. Again missing a whole night's sleep so they can "prepare" the day before is insanity, when they could just prepare on the Friday. And I thought your sister had to take unpaid leave on the Friday but is now a secondary school teacher with 1st day back on the Monday?

This thread feels like bs to me. The hotel cost is bullshit as there are loads of cheapish hotels an hour east of kings Lynn. I dont believe that anyone has done a full 60 person wedding with 7 bridesmaids and groomsmen, speeches and meal and now has also planned a 2 day manor house extravaganza with only gyros van. Possibly in Sandringham because I cant think of anywhere else in Norfolk that's £600 a night 🤣

I wonder if it’s Monday 8th. We have some schools here where the kids don’t start until then although the teachers have gone back on an insert the previous week along with year 7s. But I agree I can’t be the week before

I would hate to be in a car 9 driving home but if you’re both happy to do the driving then your brother is being silly. Your nephew won’t care his aunts left two hours early if they’ve been there all day. Just say to your brother there was no where to stay?!

It's not even "I can't afford it" - it's "we're making a weird plan to drive 7h home overnight rather than spend a lot less and travel the next day".

On your AIBU: yes, your brother is being unreasonable kicking off about not being there for the last 2h.

However I still think your plans are a bit mad. It feels like you're stuck between two men being a bit pigheaded about the arrangements!

A train from Newcastle to Kings Lynn is about 4h. You could have a much more comfortable journey for all of you if you considered a night on the Saturday.

I know you didn't ask about your BIL being unreasonable, but tbh, I would be pretty unhappy at the idea of being on the road for 7h overnight with a driver who's had a long day.

But the point is- that’s not “I can’t afford it”. That’s “I don’t want to spend it”

which is why the I can’t afford it reasoning sounds suspect to the receiver - they likely realise this is what you mean, and that’s hurtful (which is why you didn’t tell them that in the first place)

Personally I think that you should put your daughter who is starting secondary school first. I wouldn't go to this, it's clearly just a party for the couples friends to get pissed, you won't even be witnessing them get married. I wouldn't put an 11 year old through a 7 hour journey the day before she starts secondary school especially for an event where you're just an afterthought.

I'll give the couple credit for being open about it being a fake wedding ceremony though.

Why not stop at the hotel a 2nd night? And drive back in the morning.

Have you all over looked the fact that the 1st Monday of usual term
time is a bank holiday this year? In England most authorities start back on Tuesday 1st September. Also I never heard of yr 7s starting on the Monday, the first day back is usually a teacher training day.

Instagram celebration nails it. It's not a wedding, it's a rather naff party. Your brother is being an utter dick, stick to your guns and your boundaries and enjoy the event.

Or bow out completely and give them a marriage present and card if you haven't already and perhaps take the newlyweds out for a meal at a later date that suits you all better.

Your sister and husband is also on the same precisely the same budget as you?

I think you’ll find a lot of people think the opposite.

You aren’t unreasonable to go whenever you like but this is the most pointless thread 😂

You started by saying you were all taking a day unpaid on Friday, then later they are both school teachers and first day back is Monday. So they’re off Friday anyway?

You said you weren’t staying 2 nights due to costs. You’ve been given multiple solutions to cut this down then say it’s because your BIL wants to drive home through the night so you don’t have a choice.

Really there was no need for advice here. You’ve got a set, inflexible plan. Is it safe for someone to do a 9pm-4am drive after being at a wedding event for 10 hours? Probably not, no, but if you’re all willing to prioritise £100 over safety that’s your choice.

Ok I’d leave your plans as they are as you have a hotel booked to get ready in and will be home Sunday. The actual wedding in May you were not included in so this is just a party.

if he says anything else just point out you are not the driver and your daughter starts school on Monday and this is most convenient for BIL who is driving. So it’s either this or none of you can come.

The friends reserved accom but the family isn't is very telling. From experience its an instagram wedding with family as an afterthough. A shame as friends change but family is always there.

No I meant - surely if you wanted to be ready for Monday that you would sleep there Saturday night and drive back on Sunday.

If someone was going somewhere for the weekend and needed to do something on Monday, would you think it was normal for them to drive home all through Saturday night? It makes no sense

Maybe your DB should consider how his DS has failed as a nephew - however lovely he might be!

You are being much more charitable than I would feel in the circumstances.

You're fine to miss the last hour of the wedding (bride and groom and probably father of groom all likely to have had enough drinks in them by then to not notice too much who is still there) particularly given you don't have accomodation on site.

Yes you could have done the premier inn night before and booked a flexible premier inn room for the Sat night and looked closer to the date for reasonably priced closer accomodation - I suspect you were looking too early for some places - and then done the long drive back Sunday afternoon, but you've chosen something different as it suits you better for school and work.

Ignore your brother's rant and don't bring the May ceremony into it. Reiterate that you will be there for all but the last hour of the main day and you're sorry but due to school and the journey you need to travel back and won't be able to join in the Sunday activities but you wish nephew and bride well and are pleased you get to celebrate the main day with them.

I think that people have every right to choose not to spend out money on someone else’s wedding. And it’s a valid reason to not attend.

but why drive home on saturday night - to be ready for monday?

i wouldnt say im upset just confused.I can never understand why people don't read a full thread (or at least read all of the OPs posts) before posting. It makes no sense