I have known Sarah since I was a teen, we have DC the same age and at the same school so have become close and spend lots of time together.
Julie is the mother of my step children. She can be difficult and has made lots of bad decisions, DSC live here the majority of the time as a result.
A couple of years ago the relationship was terrible, we couldn’t communicate with her at all and it was really difficult for all of the DC.
Since then I have made a real effort to improve things for the children, I never speak negatively about Julie and try to support and include her wherever I can. I don’t agree with a lot that she does but I don’t think she’s a bad person and we do actually get on ok.
We can now go to any events involving the DSC together but we also speak nearly daily and even go for coffee together once a week without DSC.
Earlier this year Julie started dating Sarah’s newly ex husband. As far as I’m aware there was no cross over but Sarah believes there was and since then my relationship with Sarah has been difficult. She maybe understandably really dislikes Julie but as a result expects me to aswell. She regularly tries to speak badly about Julie with me and gets annoyed when I don’t agree or when she knows I’ve spoken to or met up with Julie.
Weeks of disagreements have come Sarah saying that she feels we can no longer be friends if I continue to have such a close and what she feels unnecessary relationship with Julie.
I really like Sarah, she has supported me through a lot and I do really value our friendship and want to support her back but don’t want to risk my relationship with Julie as I know that would cause problems for my SC.
Am I being unreasonable to put Julie/my step children above Sarah?