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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dad being main carer for new baby.

77 replies

Fluffybuns88 · 07/08/2026 17:57

Our newest addition arrived 3 weeks ago, I unfortunately had a really rough time and ended up back in hospital for a little over a week with suspected internal bleeding, the ultrasound tech ripped open my perfect scar and it was found that I wasn't stitched up quite right resulting in a fairly large portion of bowel poking through my abdominal wall, it was very traumatic and there was several times where I wasn't convinced I'd make it home.

Today a friend asked how I was getting on etc and I said that I was doing well mostly because my husband has taken on 95% of the new baby care so I can focus on recovery, this absolutely horrified her and commented that this "just isn't natural" and that it will effect mine and the baby bonding.

Whilst yes I would love to be doing more, I'm very grateful for 8hrs of uninterrupted sleep whilst my body is recovering from a major trauma, I still get some cuddles and do some feeds and the odd nappy change, but my husband does the majority, I'm facing a long recovery do to complications and it's going to be longer if I'm pushing myself to my limits.

Am I being unreasonable to let him do the heavy lifting whilst I recover?

OP posts:
Hatty65 · 07/08/2026 17:59

Your friend is an utter cow and should be told so.

What a nasty way to kick you in the teeth when you are already struggling after the birth. Hope you feel better soon, and glad Dad and baby are doing well together. You will bond fine - tiny babies are eating and pooing machines and as long as baby is being well cared for that's all that is important.

cantthinkofagoodusername2026 · 07/08/2026 17:59

You are absolutely not being unreasonable, you must know this. My husband took several months off when our DC were born. It didn't negatively affect their bond with me, but positively affected their bond with him.
Your husband will be so much better in the future because he has experienced first-hand how hard childcare is.

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