Dad being main carer for new baby.

Baby won’t remember and your relationship will be fine. Dd2 was in scbu and I couldn’t hold her as she was so poorly. She’s the most loving 14 year old I could dream of. Don’t worry and focus on recovery. Be kind to yourself as you are high risk for pnd and this friend is not someone you want close. In reality you have a wonderful and loving partnership where you and your dh have been through trauma together. Don’t be afraid to seek therapy together and/individually because you’ve been through a lot. It sounds like you know the truth and I’m very happy to provide reassurance you should tell “friend” to fuck off.

She’s not your friend

What a piece of work… Is she jealous that she doesn’t have a partner/husband who’d do the same if she was in your shoes and needed dedicated recovery time…?

She sounds nuts, I mean what were you suppose to do, care for your baby 24/7 with your bowel poking out? Jeez! You have plenty of time to bond with your baby, all in due course!

Your friend is being ridiculous. There are plenty of dad primary caregivers by circumstance and by choice, unfortunately some due to tragedy too. Men can be excellent at rearing babies and you aren’t being left out, you are recovering. Hope you continue to recover speedily

This is not a friend. She’s a moron.

I had a traumatic birth and couldn’t do a lot of the baby care for the first few weeks so my OH did all baths, nappies etc. My baby is now a seven year old and we have the closest bond and best relationship. Please drop your ‘friend’!

And wishing you a speedy recovery.

Your 'friend' is an idiot....focus on healing and being the best mum you are capable of being.... The better you can recover the better things can be... Bonds are important but can be made without jeopordising ypur recovery

Oh for goodness sake, what an absolutely awful thing for you so called 'friend' to say.

By the same token then, does she think dad's don't bond with their babies in usual circumstances?? That makes absolutely no sense.

Please put these thoughtless and unfounded comments out of your mind. I can't get over someone saying something so ridiculous to a new mother, who has also been through a painful and distressing birth experience.

I hope you recover soon. It's also a wonderful bonding opportunity for your baby and husband, although of course under horrible circumstances

it’s not a choice - if you were well , you’d be there no questions asked. ! It’s great dad has stepped up ( I know I’ll get flamed for writing this! But many men would be at a loss with a newborn !! )

The friend sounds fully unhinged. Firstly to think this. Secondly to think it’s ok to say it out loud to you. Wishing you a great recovery x

Fair enough, you have been out in Ibiza partying! Back in the real world you have been very unwell, getting treatment and recovering. Is she really your friend? She sounds like a bitch

Congratulations on baby and having such a great husband. Get well soon

Fuck that behaviour from your friend. I am absolutely pro mum and babies being close and spending as much time together as possible. But what the hell are you meant to do? You are doing what you can and your baby is forming a loving bond with both parents. Ignore your friend's stupid and uncalled for comment!

A) she isn’t a friend and B) can you imagine if you had this surgery outside of childbirth, just picture bowel surgery for example - major abdominal surgery and your DH looks after the children while you heal - would her reaction be the same? She’s nuts.

Good god she is not a friend!
your recovery is so important, get well soon

Does your friend have form for saying such absolutely insane stuff?

We have a phrase "tactical tactlessness" where both my husband and I each have a friend who says really mean tactless stuff accidentally on purpose (in our cases it's usually when something goes well for us and the friend wants to take the shine off)

Husband here,
Sorry about your plumbing being refixed wrong hope all goes well in future.
I took over as the Home Parent when our two were pre school but not baby.
Forty years on we are all friends and have always talked together.
It was good time for us. It worked.

How terribly insensitive of your friend! You’ve had a very traumatic time and need to recover, of course your DH should be doing the lion’s share

Your “friend” is a gobshite.

Of course your husband needs to be doing the lion’s share of the caring in this situation. Plenty of time for baby to bond with you later. Is your neighbour elderly or from another country? That’s an appalling thing for her to have said.

I agree with this.

Firstly, Congratulations on the birth of your baby.
secondly,
What a great friend you have! Not.
I wouldn't trust this friend in the future if this is her behaviour and advice now.

She must definitely be jealous, Otherwise why would she say that. She must certainly understand what a difficult time you have been through. Looking after a baby is so exhausting and ontop of that you have had complications.

You are extremely lucky your husband is helping you out. It's so lovely to know he's a caring and loving dad.Your baby just needs to be loved and cared for and it doesn't matter if its the mother or the dad looking after the baby at this stage.
Make sure you are looking after yourself and resting. As this will benefit the baby a fully recovered and healthy mom.
Wishing you a full and healthy recovery.

you do not have a DH problem. You have a friend problem.

Does she have children?

what is she doing to help you?

Friend's help. They support. They rush round and cuddle you and offer kindness.

its taken me a long time to learn this. My friend group is tiny. But wow it’s mighty.

ditch her. Focus on the positives. ❤️

YANBU, my mum had similar complications after having me almost 30 years ago, and the midwives' advice was to drop me off at a family members for a few days (I was bottle fed, obviously) and go home and have a few good nights of sleep
My mum actually did just that, and our bond is absolutely fine

YANBU- it is so important that your body recovers properly after what you’ve been through. It is brilliant that your husband is fully supporting you in doing so. This is in the best interests of your baby to have you fully recovered, not running yourself further down. 💐

Ffs, is your friend from the 18th Century or something? 🙄🤔🤣
Your friend is a 🤡
Good lick to you, dad and baby

Your friend is a dipstick.