To get so stressed about my kids’ car behaviour

You’ve shouted at them but have you bollocked them?! I get one is only 3 so it has to be age appropriate but I actually remember trying this once with my cousin and it was a bollocking and taken straight home without tea situation. (Although I appreciate that depriving kids of tea is rightfully not an acceptable 2026 parenting technique - so it would be straight home and no telly or pudding or whatever).

it DOES sound extremely stressful and realistically if it carries on you shouldn’t be going places in the car! So that is the natural consequence - you can’t behave in the car therefore you do not go on any fun trips out the house.

You need to get locks for the buckles so they physically can't undo them. It's SO dangerous - you could kill someone (or yourselves).

Motorway you can use the hard shoulder as it’s an emergency

rural here and there are lots of gates and even other driveways that you can pull into for emergencies

if you can’t stop immediately/ slow down, get hazard lights on and tell them what you are doing

Squabble curtain? New invention- you could patent it.

I am not being smug. It was a genuine question.

I have never met anybody who have children who would do this more than once or twice. It coild end in tragedy, not to mention completely illegal. Suggests the OP is not in control of her toddler amd young child. Hence my question?

Mine are the same ages and I'm having the same problem, although no unbuckled seatbelts thankfully because I'd go spare. I'm considering making or buying some sort of divider so they can't see or touch each other.

Agreed. One of my kids does this, one did a few times one never has

And let your fear about the possible impacts come out in your voice - don’t do the gentle voice thing - let them hear your panic and see your face ( not too full on , no trauma needed )

Do you lack authority in other areas? This is a safety issue - in our house no child ever did this. Because they had boundaries.

Some kids do what they are told, some don’t regardless of consequences, “authority” or whatever. Stop being smug.

Do you lack authority in other areas? This is a safety issue - in our house no child ever did this. Because they had boundaries.

Car seats are a legal requirement. I woild be taking mine to have a 'chat' with the local police if they so much as tried taking off their car seat harness.

this kind of thing might help with the escaping?

Consequences - like if you are going supermarket, no sweets will be bought

if you are going somewhere fun you will come home

if you can’t leave home that’s life sometimes

They are 3 and 5 so still in 5 point harnesses? You can get covers for the buckles that make them harder to access.

I wouldn't put them in the front at that age. You can get buckle covers for the car seat buckle, so they can't physically unbuckle. Consequences like not going to xx place if they don't behave in the car.

We always stop the instant someone undoes their seatbelt. We sit at the side of the road until they're willing to comply with being strapped in.

Yeah that’s not okay and something tragic can happen so unfortunately yes, tough love is the only option and pulling over immediately. Build in extra time for it and don’t be afraid to bail on things they want to do. Absolutely not okay to be unbuckled. What sort of car seats are they in and are there any safety features you can invest in?

Get seatbelt locks for the buckles.

This feels like useful info.

Option 1 - carrot approach: have a rewards system for good behaviour in the car. Hand out 'points' for keeping seatbelt on etc. Let them choose a reward from a list you've approved (ours is things like a pancake breakfast, £5 to spend in the chazza, trip to the ice cream parlour) when they achieve a certain number of points

Option 2 - stick approach: take them somewhere they want to go, refuse to drive every time they're acting up. If they miss the activity then that's on them. Do this every time you need to go anywhere until the message sticks. Yes it's annoying for you but hopefully short term annoyance = long term results.

Or combine 1 and 2. Collect points for good behaviour which can be 'cashed in' for prizes and also black marks for dangerous behaviour which result in consequences at home. Consequences will vary depending on your household/kids.

I also like @Lostthetastefordahlias point that them using your time in the car results in less time for something they want to do later. This sort of thing works in our house.

Assume you've already done this but stop the car and wait until they are strapped in before carrying on. Stop every time it happens until they learn to stay in their seats. Ultimately it is dangeous and distracting and completely unacceptable behaviour! I would not move the car with someone unstrapped and they need to understand that it is unsafe.

Regardless of the need for a car, (I also live rurally), I would stopping every single this happened, even if it meant a very slow journey and then big consequences at home afterwards - taking away whatever they would not like taking away, absolutely no screens etc. This is seriously bad behaviour and they need to learn that you mean what you say because it sounds like they are not listening to you.

Split them up - one in the front?

Could you park up and make them walk. (Collect car later)
I personally wouldn't let one sit in the front at those ages.
Do they do it when other people are their?

The only safe thing to do is to stop, rebuckle and tell them if they unbuckle again they are going home…and mean it. Hopefully it shouldn’t take too many abandoned trips to make them realise.

Like others have said, audio books, videos etc may distract

What are their ages? My nephew used to do this when he was about 5 and my sister literally could not do anything to stop it even with consequences in place. He did it in my car one time, so I pulled over and told him it’s against the law to not have a seatbelt on when driving and distracting the driver because of his screaming and if he didn’t put his seatbelt on and stop being loud I would drive him to the nearest police station so a police officer could see. It was probably not the best tactic but it worked a treat and he never did it again.

How old?
Audiobooks helped mine a lot, but only when old enough.
You can get inflatable back seat dividers on amazon but no idea if they work. Or just become something to bash your sibling with.