To have called 10 year old a brat

Very hard when you’ve had it all week - it would be nice if we were all like Mary Poppins but we’ve all got a breaking point.

You'll get some really tough love parents on MN, but I personally think this amounts to name-calling, so no, I don't think it's great (understandable though, absolutely).

Your DS is looking for a rise out of you when he says provocative comments like this – any attention, even negative, is still attention for a child. Do not give it any attention, completely and utterly ignore it, and warmly praise any desirable attention you see. He may escalate at first in order to get the attention, but do not give in.

Sounds accurate description tbh

I wouldn't worry, it's not just you/your kids.

I took my DC to a waterpark yesterday. The older one hurt a younger child because he didn't look coming down a slide, despite me having told him at least 10 times to be careful down the slides and follow the rules. He was sorry about it, but then I was called names and moaned at for making him sit out for 10 minutes to remind him to use the slides safely 🙄. He's usually reasonably well behaved. We're only a couple of weeks into the school holidays and this week I've already seen loads of fed up parents and grandparents, including two different parents absolutely letting rip at their kids as we left yesterday 😅.

There's a no frills sports holiday camp near us, and I've threatened my older kid with being chucked in there for large chunks of the rest of the holiday if he can't keep a civil tongue in his head.

I remember when my dc were that age.
They are so annoying...

But they can only be spoilt or brats, if we let them be!

Sometimes they just need to hear it/be shown.

I once did the 'if you don't bloody stop fratching I'm turning this car around and we're going home' thing with my two eldest kids. We were on our way to the seaside for the day.

Well they carried on, so we turned the car around and drove all the way home- even though we'd almost reached the beach car park. They could see the sea and everything!

They still talk about that, and they are 27 and 25 now 😂

Thinking back, I've also called my children an utter dick, cowbag and a dozy twonk, so brat isn't all that bad.

"If you don't want to be called a brat, don't behave like a brat. The choice is yours "

I think YANBU but just try to remember that their hormones are kicking in at this age!

It’s worrying that you think you can’t call your child a brat when they are being brattish. You’re the boss!

My lovely friend currently has her 15 yo on holiday ruining every day with sulks and moans. Nip it in the bud now! If they don’t want to be called a brat then it’s simple, don’t behave like one. I’m very much of the opinion dc need to know when they cross a line. I’d set clear expectations for behaviours on holiday then draw a line and go and have the best time.

He is a great dad but he was definitely very strict with certain things. Extremely lax on most things but the second we upset my mum he was a totally different person. Even after they split up I’d sometimes go to his house after my mum had told me off thinking I’d get the soft touch but I’d just get bollocked again 😂. He’s totally different with my kids now though he’s got an excuse for everything they do and apparently they’re “just wee babies” and “kids will be kids” … gone soft now because they’re not his problem I guess.

Mine are the same age and exactly the same. I wouldn’t feel an ounce of guilt about calling them a brat. In fact I think you’re restrained.

I like the sound of your dad 😁

I’m a really good mum and have a great relationship with my kids (now adult) but I remember calling my eldest a little shit once. I didn’t beat myself up over it because he was being one. My mum never swore in day to day life except when it came to us kids and then she called us all the names 😁, kids drive the most saintly parents into near insanity at times, it happens 🤷‍♀️.

Is your concern/guilt because you missed out the word "being"
I don't think the distinction is as clear to kids as it is to us. If you told your kid "you are being a brat" every day for 10 years that would probably become their internal voice in just the same way as if you said "you are a brat" every day for 10 years.

But this isn't every day for 10 years, this is one occasion, where the comment is justified, in 10 years of likely 'good-enough' parenting.

I think as a society we have swung too far into the "be kind, protect the mental health and developing positive identity" to the detriment of appropriate behaviour and the ability to put up with external demands.

Be tougher as well as being kind

I said something similar to my DD once. I think I also said she was selfish. She’s 13 and was always waiting until everyone was trying to go to bed to have a shower and some other stuff. I felt bad and she was a bit upset but we had a chat and she amended her ways. Sometimes we just have to say it.

He is being a wee brat. I remember once, me and my siblings were being bratty on holiday and my dad just said “right okay we’re just gonna do what mum wants. You kids will never be happy so you’re gonna be fucking bored out your mind doing walking tours. I’d rather she’s happy than yous!” And we spent the whole remaining week doing walking tours and history related stuff. No water park, no kids activities, just “boring” grown up stuff. And any dissent was met by a full on bollocking from my dad or the offending child being taken back to the hotel to sit in your room and read a book. Maybe you should do that?

In the end I actually really enjoyed that holiday but I definitely didn’t at first.

I think you did well to restrain yourself to brat!

Sometimes they just push the buttons because they find the response funny for some reason 🤷🏼. But putting your foot down now will pay off in the long run.

I don’t quite understand this. The child was being a brat and you told him that. Why would that be wrong?

Well he sounds like he is exactly that (I would have gone for "pain in the arse" personally).

Maybe if more dps nipped it in the bud at 10 the teen years wouldn't be as hard .

I don't think the word 'brat' is that bad at all. If that's what you're worried about. If you called him an arsehole, that would be different!

Yes this. and this is why a lot of children are entitled brats nowadays because parents are scared of saying anything negative at all.

Why are you scared of calling it as it is. Sometimes kids need to hear it so they know exactly what they’re like.

Exactly.And they are not very young, either, ten isn't that young.

A very young child can be a brat without knowing any better or being able to control it. At ten years old, you expect something better and I don't think it does.Any harm to be told by an otherwise very loving mother that you're a brat once in a while.