To have called 10 year old a brat

It was sarcasm! Relax!

Oh this yes

This counts for adults as well. Emotions and feelings are completely unreliable and not always valid

Self obsessing and believing that everything you want or feel or dont like is valid, is not actually valid!

And yes to the PP above talking about the misuse of the world 'struggling', this and many other words like 'vulnerable' or 'poor mental health' get misused all the time.

'something going on'

Yes its called childhood.

Job of parent is to teach child how to be appropriate and sometimes getting cross or harsh is the right way to do that.

Its is part of our job as parents to call them out so they don't become arseholes when they are older!

They are being brats 🤷‍♀️

I’d have lost my shit with the rudeness and ungrateful behaviour, they sound completely spoilt.

Yup. Those of us who have to work with darling teens would very much appreciate it if we could all stop telling young children that every emotional response is valid 😁

Completely agree, there are times when I know my kids are overwhelmed and melting down and need a comforting constructive approach but kids being rude and acting as spoilt brats isn’t the same

I have said worse. Sometimes children need to be told that they’re a selfish brat.

Also @GentleparentJ , not to pick on you but I hate when the word struggling is misused in these instances. We all know people who have genuine struggles, kids included. Having a stop because a restaurant in another country puts parsley on the chips and doesn't serve ketchup isn't a struggle and we do kids no favours to treat it as it is.

Don't let your kids equate feeling mild discomfort with 'struggling'' and don't let them think it's someone else's job to manage that.

Yes children growing up being made to believe being called a brat is far worse than the stress and upset they caused by their actual behaviour explains alot about the narcissistic attitudes of some young adults we see today

I’m sorry but what bollocks are you going in about? She’s talking about an isolated incident? If your kids are no contact or have told you about what they found hard as kids maybe you need to actually listen to their concerns.

@Ilovedisney2011 YANBU! Your description was accurate!!

As a teacher too, my biggest advice is "Don't pick up the rope"!!!! He is looking for a back and forth tug of war style argument. Don't give him it. Just say "OK" then dont reply again.

My 10-year-olds are being a nightmare too. Moaning about every activity. We are currently away for a few days and Ive decided the rest of the hols they can play at home and read books.

No that is not what I meant, or I would have said that he was struggling.

He was hot and tried and fed up. That is not 'struggling', that's just a moment in life sometimes. He was pouting and moaning and sulking at the table, on a holiday that he wanted to go on and that his dad and I worked really hard to provide. I didnt just 'call him a name' who the hell does that? Equally I didn't say to him, poor darling how can I better support you?

I told him that this is everyone's holiday, not just his, and that his moaning and sulking was ruining it for the rest of us. I told him that he's lucky to be on holiday at all and to stop carrying on like a spoiled brat and behave politely at the table or we'd spend the first night having an early bedtime rather than doing something fun. He listened to my good advice 😁

What did that teach him about relationships? Hopefully that the sun and moon do not actually centre on him and not to be a spoiled brat!

I always find it bewildering when teachers give their own kids tablets when exposed to the impact on child behaviour every day. I'd start by getting rid of those for good.

I’ve voted you’re unreasonable for asking whether calling the 10 year old brat a brat is unreasonable - ‘being’? Are you serious?

IMO it’s the good parents that confront the behaviour and deal with it. The rubbish ones are wet and let them get away with it and eventually create monsters.

You not being unreasonable to be frustrated by their behaviour, as a early experienced mum (large family, range of current ages) I would say don’t stress about it too much, is probably a reaction to the change in routine, excitement/over stimulation, screen time, sugar etc. Just try and give yourself some rest and recovery time, just as you would expect anyone to have in a challenging job, no screens a good idea for holiday, dial
down on alL the treats and just go back
to basics, routine, lots of exercise, sleep, don’t let them get hungry etc, look after yourself and don’t be a martyr. They’ll probably have a great time despite what they’re saying now

As a teacher and a mum myself, I think the original poster is thinking about the fact that if she said this to one of her pupils, she would get in serious trouble.
I treat my pupils and my own children very differently! My own children are told what I know they need to hear but I’m just not allowed to say the same things within the classroom.
This child clearly needed to hear this. They can’t continue to “joke” and hurt everyone’s feelings in the process.
In school, we wouldn’t be allowed to approach it in the same way. But I know a huge amount of teachers who have left the profession this year (most being exceptional teachers who are strong and firm) purely down to having enough when it comes to the behaviour of children.

Don’t overthink it, he sounds like he’s been a little shit. Not perfect parenting but then are any of us ever! Enjoy your holiday

Keep it simple & focus on manners.

'You might have meant that as a joke, but it is hurtful. We don' t say jokes that hurt peoples feelings in our family. You are old enough to understand that. I know that because you tell funny jokes that really make me laugh - out of the room please until you can speak kindly.. '

'Repeat what you said in a respectful and kind way or X will happen'

'It's okay if you think something is boring - even if you think the whole holiday is boring, it is not okay for you to be rude to Dad and me - your consequence is...'

My own favourite - 'if you guys find the holiday boring, we can arrange a childminder to be with you when you are bored so Dad and I and X can enjoy it. Family holidays are for everyone, not just the kids, so if this behaviour continues, we will take a break from a while from it ourselves.'

Finally, ask yourself why they continued to get treats and experiences this week when their behaviour was so poor? What did they learn from that?

I know I am taking a very behavioural approach above, but I really think when behaviour is continuously rude, it is most effective. When you notice any positive behaviour, praise it to death, praise the positive behaviour of peers, don't just ignore it and continue buying treats!

Finally sending empathy, parenting is so bloody hard!

DS is 26 and still brings up the one time I snapped when he was about 8 and called him “a little shit”

Obviously not my finest hour but he must have deserved it in the moment! 😆

Strongly disagree. The children are going on a lovely holiday abroad - something a lot of children don’t get to do, To behave like that is not acceptable and to call them out is right. You’re teaching them in life you cannot always get your own way and to be grateful. The op works hard and does loads for her children and should not have to put up with poor behaviour. Can you imagine going into the workforce and ‘gently’ explaining why you don’t want to do something you’re asked to do?

It really isn’t… a gentle parenting approach would be to talk it through not name call! Clearly there is something going on and he might just need some support with something.

It’s great you managed to tell him calmly. I wouldn’t have remained so calm! He was being a brat and it’s right he knows.

I disagree with that - you have grown up as a result of being parented the way you were, thinking you don’t need to be kind and respectful to a 10 year old. He’s clearly struggling with something and rather than have a conversation he’s been called names instead. What do you think he’s learnt from this? Likely to suppress his feelings, like a lot of people over time have learned to do.