To have called 10 year old a brat

I would called mine an arsehat. He got away lightly with being called a brat!!

Discussing emotions and feelings is important - and a really important part of growing up. Listening would have worked well here, to understand what was at play.

Sounds like the child was hot and tired, pretty understandable that they got a bit fed up. As an adult it’s important not to jump into feeling offended, it is about the child and how they feel.

We should never be dismissive when people are struggling with something - what one person might struggle with another person may not. With a child they are bound to struggle over things that we wouldn’t do. But that doesn’t mean it’s any less of a struggle for them. They need our kindness as they grow and develop, not impatience.

You said your child was hot and tired, that is a good reason why they might have been struggling. You do your best to help them, early night, go somewhere cooler, but sometimes you can’t fix it, but you can be kind. If you are struggling with something in life and someone calls you a name rather than listening to you and empathising, how are you going to feel? What if they then threaten you and say you will have an early night and a rubbish holiday? He’s doing his best, he is still young, he just needs your help.

If it were me (and we all make mistakes) I would say sorry, I was also feeling hot/tired/stressed, I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that. Then have a lovely holiday together!

Yeah you just shut him down and didn’t acknowledge his feelings, only your own. Sorry, all you have done here is ‘taught’ him that the world doesn’t revolve around him, but you… All he learnt is that mum doesn’t find my feelings important, better to repress those feelings (not great for anyone, man or woman by the way).

(also, you called him a dick right at the start of your post, you don’t need to talk like that about him to a bunch of strangers).

Calling him an ungrateful brat on one occasion is highly unlikely to have a negative impact. It's upset you though, so now you're dealing with their annoying behaviour, and your feelings on top. It's fine to give feedback about how children are impacting on others. Find your own way of doing it that doesn't cause you to feel guilty. The tricky bit is being able to do this when your buttons are being pushed. Are there any parenting role models you could pretend to be in these challenging moments? Hope your holiday goes well and you have some relaxation.

You don’t need to teach anyone to be grateful, we are grateful for things as and when we just are. What you are actually saying is that it’s okay for an adult to be upset by a child and not only show their emotion but to name call the child due to how they feel, but the child isn’t allowed to feel what they feel? Plus, the child still hasn’t been spoken to, to find out how and why he feels as he does. He’s 10, not an adult at all!

I have a therapist friend who assures me it is very important to let your child know if they are being annoying. We are raising these humans to go out amongst the world and hopefully not ruin other peoples' days ...they need to be told when their behaviour is unpleasant and unacceptable. Even the word "brat" if you look it up, was factually correct in this instance.

Screenshot these responses. I'm living through this crap now x

Yep. He's a brat alrighty.

OMG ! I could have written this. My son had the best childhood a child could have had. Yet he reached his early to mid twenties and all of a sudden he had a traumatic and terrible childhood. He’s made it all up but now decides what he says is true. There is nothing I could do - took him to see a joint councillor but he wrapped her around his little finger. Sadly we are no longer in touch because I refuse to admit the lies he tells are true (he’s gaslighting me).

I think sometimes we/I/Mumsnet expect our kids to behave like adults - but they’re not adults. Their brains are still developing. They’re inherently selfish. They’ve got no sense of the cost, organisation and pressure that goes into a holiday.

You’ve worked really hard to give them a lovely summer so far, and you’ve organised a fun holiday for them. It’s really normal to get a bit of push back, especially at the ages your kids are! You’re not a bad parent - in fact, you sound like a lovely parent. Your kids were annoying because they’re kids and they’re human, but they’re learning and will grow up to be good people. Don’t punish them.

I would be annoyed too, and I’d try to calmly let that be known - but don’t dwell on it. I’d think you’re probably run off your feet during term time and keen to connect with them. I imagine your expectations for time together are high - and so their behaviour today is extra disappointing for you.

They don’t mean it when they say they don’t want to go - and you will have a good time. They do want to be with you. I’ve definitely been in your position and I would imagine most people here with kids have too. Try not to worry about it, and enjoy your holiday :)

You're expecting gratitude, but your huge efforts to entertain your sons are very much being taken for granted.

I don't think calling the child a brat is going to to suddenly make him appreciate your efforts, but it's done now. Saying the holiday is going to be awful will probably be a self-fulfilling prophecy! But it doesn't have to be awful for you. Make sure you get to choose some activities that you enjoy as well. It's your holiday too!!

don’t feel bad, i’ve told my 10 yo after some seriously entitled behaviour she was acting like a spoilt child. funnily enough after some pondering she reined it in

Well if they've been acting like dicks all week calling him a brat is nothing ..
Honestly Im so glad my sons are grown ups now .
I remember situations like these its all part & parcel .
Go easy on yourself he has been brattish your words are right x

As a secondary school teacher and mother to a six year old girl who is absolutely capable of being a little brat sometimes, I'm so grateful for the sheer volume of common sense on this thread.

"Gentle parenting" or whatever it evolved into in the last ten years has destroyed the respect, resilience and socialisation generation.

And no, I'm not confusing it with permissive parenting.

A-bloody-men.

From the thread title I'd assumed you had called someone else's child a brat and was prepared to think you were probably justified in that. But questioning whether it was acceptable to call your own bratty brat a brat?? Come on now!

😂😂

I mean you could have called him an absolute dick like you did in your post, so I don’t think brat is bad at all 😂

That’s one lesson of parenthood which took me a few years to learn, with my older children I remember putting so much effort into trying to make everything wonderful for them as of course nothing beats that hit of seeing your kids really enjoying something. I’d totally wear myself and my finances out but then I would become overwhelmed and stressed and disillusioned when they didn’t always appreciate my efforts. Everything is much more low key with my younger children, instead of taking them on fancy holidays and days out we work part time so can just enjoy the everyday things like walking them to school and back and we’ll pay for extra days in holiday clubs so that we get a break and then just do a day at the park with a picnic and they have a great time, we’ll take one of their friends along to make it extra fun. McDonald’s etc are saved for either special occasions like birthdays or if it just makes our lives much easier, e.g on a long journey etc and of course because they don’t get treats very often they’re always excited about them when they do have them

Absolutely not!!! I’ve said it to my own 10 year old before, when she was behaving like a brat. There are far too many parents who don’t identify negative behaviours with their children, resulting in antisocial behaviour as teenagers and adults.

And....????

Parent calls child a brat is hardly any kind of news.

At the same time, it’s better not to get wound up by the things kids say to wind you up.

Expecting excitement about going to a place they’ve potentially never been before and don’t know what it will be like is not realistic.

Kids don’t necessarily like holidays as much as parents because they can be more anxious about being somewhere different and they were already on holiday at home.

It tells them the adult doesn't want to listen when they behave like that.. children test and push to learn what works and what doesn't. If behaving like a brat doesn't have the desired effect, they'll try another method.
The problem is when parents only pay attention to bad behaviour. I have worked with kids who communicate like this because it works for them at home. It's the only way their parents will hear them.

In my family, being a brat didn't work. Being told I was being a brat gave me the information I needed to understand why my behaviour wasn't working. Why I wasn't being listened to.
If that was the only form of communication a child has learnt by the age of ten, yes, you have a point. But generally, it isn't. However, children of that age do still have difficulty recognising when their behaviour steps over. And that's when they really do need to hear it. They need to know mummy isn't listening because...

Who are tot trying to punish them? Yourself? The rest of the plane? Maybe let them have them on the flight but loose the charger until just before the way home