To have called 10 year old a brat

OMG ! I could have written this. My son had the best childhood a child could have had. Yet he reached his early to mid twenties and all of a sudden he had a traumatic and terrible childhood. He’s made it all up but now decides what he says is true. There is nothing I could do - took him to see a joint councillor but he wrapped her around his little finger. Sadly we are no longer in touch because I refuse to admit the lies he tells are true (he’s gaslighting me).

I think sometimes we/I/Mumsnet expect our kids to behave like adults - but they’re not adults. Their brains are still developing. They’re inherently selfish. They’ve got no sense of the cost, organisation and pressure that goes into a holiday.

You’ve worked really hard to give them a lovely summer so far, and you’ve organised a fun holiday for them. It’s really normal to get a bit of push back, especially at the ages your kids are! You’re not a bad parent - in fact, you sound like a lovely parent. Your kids were annoying because they’re kids and they’re human, but they’re learning and will grow up to be good people. Don’t punish them.

I would be annoyed too, and I’d try to calmly let that be known - but don’t dwell on it. I’d think you’re probably run off your feet during term time and keen to connect with them. I imagine your expectations for time together are high - and so their behaviour today is extra disappointing for you.

They don’t mean it when they say they don’t want to go - and you will have a good time. They do want to be with you. I’ve definitely been in your position and I would imagine most people here with kids have too. Try not to worry about it, and enjoy your holiday :)

You're expecting gratitude, but your huge efforts to entertain your sons are very much being taken for granted.

I don't think calling the child a brat is going to to suddenly make him appreciate your efforts, but it's done now. Saying the holiday is going to be awful will probably be a self-fulfilling prophecy! But it doesn't have to be awful for you. Make sure you get to choose some activities that you enjoy as well. It's your holiday too!!

don’t feel bad, i’ve told my 10 yo after some seriously entitled behaviour she was acting like a spoilt child. funnily enough after some pondering she reined it in

Well if they've been acting like dicks all week calling him a brat is nothing ..
Honestly Im so glad my sons are grown ups now .
I remember situations like these its all part & parcel .
Go easy on yourself he has been brattish your words are right x

As a secondary school teacher and mother to a six year old girl who is absolutely capable of being a little brat sometimes, I'm so grateful for the sheer volume of common sense on this thread.

"Gentle parenting" or whatever it evolved into in the last ten years has destroyed the respect, resilience and socialisation generation.

And no, I'm not confusing it with permissive parenting.

A-bloody-men.

From the thread title I'd assumed you had called someone else's child a brat and was prepared to think you were probably justified in that. But questioning whether it was acceptable to call your own bratty brat a brat?? Come on now!

😂😂

I mean you could have called him an absolute dick like you did in your post, so I don’t think brat is bad at all 😂

That’s one lesson of parenthood which took me a few years to learn, with my older children I remember putting so much effort into trying to make everything wonderful for them as of course nothing beats that hit of seeing your kids really enjoying something. I’d totally wear myself and my finances out but then I would become overwhelmed and stressed and disillusioned when they didn’t always appreciate my efforts. Everything is much more low key with my younger children, instead of taking them on fancy holidays and days out we work part time so can just enjoy the everyday things like walking them to school and back and we’ll pay for extra days in holiday clubs so that we get a break and then just do a day at the park with a picnic and they have a great time, we’ll take one of their friends along to make it extra fun. McDonald’s etc are saved for either special occasions like birthdays or if it just makes our lives much easier, e.g on a long journey etc and of course because they don’t get treats very often they’re always excited about them when they do have them

Absolutely not!!! I’ve said it to my own 10 year old before, when she was behaving like a brat. There are far too many parents who don’t identify negative behaviours with their children, resulting in antisocial behaviour as teenagers and adults.

And....????

Parent calls child a brat is hardly any kind of news.

At the same time, it’s better not to get wound up by the things kids say to wind you up.

Expecting excitement about going to a place they’ve potentially never been before and don’t know what it will be like is not realistic.

Kids don’t necessarily like holidays as much as parents because they can be more anxious about being somewhere different and they were already on holiday at home.

It tells them the adult doesn't want to listen when they behave like that.. children test and push to learn what works and what doesn't. If behaving like a brat doesn't have the desired effect, they'll try another method.
The problem is when parents only pay attention to bad behaviour. I have worked with kids who communicate like this because it works for them at home. It's the only way their parents will hear them.

In my family, being a brat didn't work. Being told I was being a brat gave me the information I needed to understand why my behaviour wasn't working. Why I wasn't being listened to.
If that was the only form of communication a child has learnt by the age of ten, yes, you have a point. But generally, it isn't. However, children of that age do still have difficulty recognising when their behaviour steps over. And that's when they really do need to hear it. They need to know mummy isn't listening because...

Who are tot trying to punish them? Yourself? The rest of the plane? Maybe let them have them on the flight but loose the charger until just before the way home

It was sarcasm! Relax!

Oh this yes

This counts for adults as well. Emotions and feelings are completely unreliable and not always valid

Self obsessing and believing that everything you want or feel or dont like is valid, is not actually valid!

And yes to the PP above talking about the misuse of the world 'struggling', this and many other words like 'vulnerable' or 'poor mental health' get misused all the time.

'something going on'

Yes its called childhood.

Job of parent is to teach child how to be appropriate and sometimes getting cross or harsh is the right way to do that.

Its is part of our job as parents to call them out so they don't become arseholes when they are older!

They are being brats 🤷‍♀️

I’d have lost my shit with the rudeness and ungrateful behaviour, they sound completely spoilt.

Yup. Those of us who have to work with darling teens would very much appreciate it if we could all stop telling young children that every emotional response is valid 😁

Completely agree, there are times when I know my kids are overwhelmed and melting down and need a comforting constructive approach but kids being rude and acting as spoilt brats isn’t the same

I have said worse. Sometimes children need to be told that they’re a selfish brat.

Also @GentleparentJ , not to pick on you but I hate when the word struggling is misused in these instances. We all know people who have genuine struggles, kids included. Having a stop because a restaurant in another country puts parsley on the chips and doesn't serve ketchup isn't a struggle and we do kids no favours to treat it as it is.

Don't let your kids equate feeling mild discomfort with 'struggling'' and don't let them think it's someone else's job to manage that.