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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

feeling unusually keen on sex four weeks postpartum? DH thinks we should wait.

18 replies

FastLemonHelper · Yesterday 12:40

I had my first baby 4 weeks ago at 35 and I feel a bit unusual compared with everything I was expecting.

Before giving birth, I kept hearing that after having a baby you might feel exhausted, touched out, and have no interest in sex for months. I completely expected that to be me.
But actually, I feel the opposite. I really want my husband and I have found myself craving him. I feel very attracted to him and have been the one initiating affection.

I know the usual advice is to wait around 6 weeks before having sex after birth, and I completely understand the reasons behind that. My husband is actually the sensible one and would rather wait until we reach that point, which I respect. We’ve still been intimate in other ways, but I’m surprised by how much I want sex.

I’ve been wondering if part of it is because I had a genuinely positive labour and birth experience. Everything went well, I felt supported, and I came away from it feeling quite empowered rather than traumatised. I wonder if that has affected how I feel about my body and intimacy afterwards.

I also wonder if hormones are playing a part. This is my first baby at 36, so I have no idea what is "normal". I’m loving being a mum, but I also still feel like myself. I love our baby boy I’m just so happy with our little family.

I know some people will probably think I’m mad because I’m only 4 weeks postpartum, but I’m curious if anyone else experienced this after a positive birth?

I have spoken to some of my friends and they think I am insane a few of them have said having a child ruined their sex lives and it took a lot for them to get back to being intimate again.

Is it wrong to feel this way so soon after having a baby, or is it actually more common than people admit?

OP posts:
Original poster
FastLemonHelper · Yesterday 12:41

Probably best in relationships not here sorry

OP posts:
cuckoolodger · Yesterday 12:45

I was like this with my last two babies (of 4). I think it was very much that my 3 and 4 babies were with a wonderful man who completely and totally supported me and showed me what am amazing partner could actually be. The first bloke was a disaster and I still suffer with genuine trauma. BUT I’m still with my DH 23 years on so he must have done something very very right as I still have rampant attraction to him now 😂.

After the births we were back having sex by week 4 and the heath visitor said that was ok and my choice. I had zero healing issues and was pretty much feeling “normal” by day 6-7 after giving birth. Just came totally normal to me.

Yellowundermarine · Yesterday 12:47

I was the same after both my kids. Back at it by four weeks, no problems at all.

tsmainsqueeze · Yesterday 12:47

Hi, i think you're quite normal ,in fact i did it 3 weeks pp , but i didn't realise at the time that there is a risk of an air embolism due to the unhealed placental site, it's rare but still a risk.
Site is usually fully healed by week 6 pp.
Regardless it's nobody's business what you do and when !

Comtesse · Yesterday 12:49

Watch out for contraception! You may be BF but don’t count on that to keep you from falling pregnant again (my husband has a mate who’s younger brother ended up being in the same year at school as him ie his mum got pregnant again v v quickly after the eldest’s birth and had 2 kids within 12 months yikes!)

SweatySpider321 · Yesterday 12:49

Go for it if you want to! We ended up doing it 2 weeks post partum and it was twins.

Sharedkeysonewhereelse · Yesterday 12:50

When you both feel ready go for it! Your body - there is no law saying when you can or can’t.

but remember to use contraception and not to rely on breast feeding alone as you probably don’t want a little surprise on your first go!

MightyGoldBear · Yesterday 12:51

Yes hormones and oxytocin it's super powerful. I was very much the same but had to wait for the 6 weeks as I was still bleeding.
I think it's something that people don't talk about or expect but totally normal for many.

Tontostitis · Yesterday 12:52

I was the same my husband was so amazing during my first child birth where I nearly died he was just the most incredible person and it made me just love him and want him so much. We did however have to wait because of the tearing and stitches so we did

HairsprayBabe · Yesterday 12:52

This was me too, I think it is the hormones! I read somewhere (long ago) that if you feel like you want to it can be a good think to go for it before the 6 week check as if there are problems you can talk to them with the GP/midwife straight away.

Original poster
FastLemonHelper · Yesterday 12:57

Comtesse · Yesterday 12:49

Watch out for contraception! You may be BF but don’t count on that to keep you from falling pregnant again (my husband has a mate who’s younger brother ended up being in the same year at school as him ie his mum got pregnant again v v quickly after the eldest’s birth and had 2 kids within 12 months yikes!)

I’ve definitely been thinking about this. I’m not on any contraceptions we’ve always just used condoms or I’ve just tracked my cycle which I know isn’t always accurate but it’s worked for us.

I don’t want another child yet one is enough for us right now.

OP posts:
Babyboomtastic · Yesterday 13:00

The advice isn't 6 weeks in the UK, it's 'whenever you feel ready'. I had 2 sections and felt 'ready' weirdly quickly. I checked with my midwife before discharge and it was fine, so I think we were day 10 + 14, with some other stuff before. All initiated by me enthusiastically.

So as long as you feel well enough, go for it.

(Lochia was well gone before this as can be very brief after a section sometimes).

NeverDropYourMooncup · Yesterday 13:02

FastLemonHelper · Yesterday 12:57

I’ve definitely been thinking about this. I’m not on any contraceptions we’ve always just used condoms or I’ve just tracked my cycle which I know isn’t always accurate but it’s worked for us.

I don’t want another child yet one is enough for us right now.

Show quote history

Yeah, that's how I have siblings ten months apart.

Greengagesnfennel · Yesterday 13:07

I was very much like this. I think it is hormones - did you find the same during pregnancy too as I was the same last trimester? I didn’t wait but as others have said use contraception! It probably means you are back ovulating - my periods also started back straight away really regular despite breastfeeding for months.

RabbitRunRabbit · Yesterday 13:15

I had 3 c-sections and was back in the saddle, as it were, after 2 weeks on each. Carefully!

Babyboomtastic · Yesterday 13:24

Greengagesnfennel · Yesterday 13:07

I was very much like this. I think it is hormones - did you find the same during pregnancy too as I was the same last trimester? I didn’t wait but as others have said use contraception! It probably means you are back ovulating - my periods also started back straight away really regular despite breastfeeding for months.

Absolutely use contraception, that's a given. But it doesn't mean you're ovulating. Because of breastfeeding my period didn't return for over a year, but we resumed sex at 2 weeks.

ExOptimist · Yesterday 13:31

I had 2 vaginal births and resumed our sex life 3 weeks after each birth. Husband was a bit afraid of hurting me but it was absolutely fine.

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