Watching my only child with his cousin has stirred up some feelings

No you haven't deprived him of anything. He liked his cousin in small doses but that's all. He could get very jealous having to suddenly share your affection so the affection he feels for the cousin is completely separate from how he'd view a sibling.

You can't 'give' a human being to someone else. They're not dolls or teddies to be played with. That's not a good reason to bring another child into the world.

He doesn’t sound “ deprived” he sounds well loved and cared for. I’m sure there will be lots more happy times with his cousin and others.
Try not to dwell on this or overthink it. Just think of the happy holiday times.

He's lucky he's got a cousin to play with

I always feel I need to chip in on these threads where people worry about only chlidren.

I have a boy and a girl - 2 years apart - they loathe each other! well ,that's probably a bit strong - but I can't think of a caring or kind word or even 'fun' exchange between them in years. The last time they played together was probably in lockdown.

I don't think we are hugely unusual - they have no interests in common (one of them is autistic and the other more 'social')-.

I sometimes feel they are two only children in one home.

You can fantasise and idealise so many familiy situations - I know siblings who fight like cat and dog most of the time.

I have to work extra hard to maake friends for my daughter as she finds it hard herself - it's no different to the situation you are in, just invite kids over/ let him have fun with cousins/ build up a community. It will be better than a lot of sibling relationships!

You’ve deprived him of something but you’ve also gifted him your undivided attention, resources, peace, priority, parents with patience etc.

Struggling to see how he’s deprived, he has a cousin he can play with and then he gets his own space at home. His sibling wouldn’t be his cousin, they might not have gotten on, and you can’t have kids just to entertain your other kids.

There’s nothing wrong with feeling how you feel, but picking one path doesn’t mean you’ve ‘deprived’ him of something else. He gains or looses regardless of the choices you make, that’s just life

I’ve been feeling very similar. My daughter is nearly 4. I actually didn’t want children, she was a surprise.
I found myself wanting another. My husband, (who wanted children) changed his mind as is saying 1 is enough.

Also, it’s an age thing, I’m now 40, also health wise has deteriorated since pregnancy. I now have fibromyalgia and I’m in pain constantly. I know, in my head, I couldn’t do it again and it’s the right thing. But my heart see’s her playing with other kids and I wish we’d had another when she was 2.

I also think that, because we just have 1, we can dedicate the time to her better. We are able to go places and do things, which would be more expensive with 2.

2 of my friends alphabet daughters similar in age, my nephew is having a baby girl. My sister is hoping to get pregnant soon. (My other sister’s kids are older teens) so I’m hoping she will have a close bond growing up with these children.

Not going to say what you want to hear but both my kids are ND and they are each other’s safe space where they are 100% accepted. They have the freedom to be as ND as they need to be without masking in that safety. They are 7 years apart and the best thing I could’ve done is given them a sibling. It wasn’t easy as I have a lot of health issues and I sometimes wonder if 1 would’ve been easier on my body, but the benefits far outweigh my doubts.
IME ND kids do better with a sibling than without.

I was an only child and enjoyed seeing my cousins but it in no way made me desire a sibling. I was glad to get away from their constant fighting and squabbling when we left. I’m ND btw.

I suspect that he’ll be happiest playing with his cousin (and other kids) now and then rather than living and squabbling with a sibling who is around 24/7. You know the reasons why he’s an only child and I don’t think that you’ve deprived him. Provide him with opportunities to play rather than a permanent playmate.

My kids are 5 and 7 and they adore each other… until they don’t 😂. I love watching when they re being cute but it can turn very suddenly. You’ll never have to worry if one might stab the other in the eye with a Barbie’s foot and that little one gets allllll your love. Most of the disagreements my kids have stem frok the attention being (perceived to be) taken away by the other. Your little one will never have that issue. Enjoy the lovely moments

This. Every decision you make excludes other decisions you could have made. You’ve deprived your child of a sibling but you’ve given him other things. We moved countries when DS was 7. We deprived him of continuing to grow up in a familiar village which was all he’d ever known, but gave him the experience of growing up in our ‘home’ culture, surrounded by extended family, EU membership, hence future freedom to work and study etc.

Your right in that playing with a cousin and having to live with a sibling are very different things.

Both of my children would prefer to be the only child.

I agree with the idea that he has lost and gained.
It's impossible to know if he has lost more than he has gained or vice versa, but you made a choice in good faith which is all we can do as parents.
In addition I think you should only have as many children as you feel able to and children aren't gifts to be given to anyone including the children you already have.

My DC is an only, very sociable, even now as an older teen, no moodiness. He is adored by his younger cousins and the younger siblings of his friends but that’s because he knows it’s short lived. He has endless patience to play with them because he knows that when at home he has all the space he needs.

It’s so easy to picture perfection but you can’t guarantee your DC would feel the same with a sibling that is present all the time. I speak from experience, I love my sister to bits, we have a 6 year age gap and I, as the youngest, utterly worshipped her. She is ND and although loved me to bits, she absolutely needed downtime. Still does and I think I’m positively scintillating company!

Don’t have a 2nd child based on an imagined outcome that you can’t control or predict.

You can't 'give' a human being to someone else. They're not dolls or teddies to be played with. That's not a good reason to bring another child into the world.

That's not what giving means here. It's about the relationship you create between two people, that won't ever exist if there is no sibling. Of course you've no way of knowing how those two people would have got on, but I don't see why it would be part of your thinking when considering another child.

OP I think it's find to indulge a slightly wistful, what if. But ultimately move on as it's not going to happen and it's not better or worse, just different.

I had two because I am an only child and grew up very lonely.

They are very close.

But due to me and DH both being only children there are no cousins and no aunties or uncles, and only one grandparent left.

So I did what I thought was best and within my power; the rest of it i obviously had no control over.

Same as you. You decided one was best for you. And from the sounds of it he has at least one cousin and presumably an auntie or uncle.

All families are different.

I have a friend who is an only child and she herself has gone onto have an only and is very happy with that. But she has very close relationships with a vast number of cousins and aunties and uncles.

I have cousins and aunties and uncles but none of them are close. One of them I see a couple of times a year. The rest of them I have no contact with, mostly due to my mum just not keeping in touch when I was younger.

I therefore felt it would be quite isolating if I only had one child.

For what it’s worth, I desperately wish I’d had 3. But I’m too old now. I’m just very aware that when husband and I go there will be nobody left for them (but each other). No extended family at all.

Evert family is different.

I have just one child. We went through IVF to have him, I was 40 already, and for various reasons it was never the right time to try for a second. We would have had to have tried pretty quickly because of my age and, when we were still in the midst of broken nights and toddler tantrums, it just wasn't the right time.

Honestly, I do have some regrets. My boy loves his cousins and is so kind with the little ones. When we have a friend over and I see them playing, I sometimes have a feeling that a person is missing from our family.

But, and this is a big but, I KNOW that we just couldn't have managed a second - so, like many things in life, I acknowledge that this is one of life's sadnesses. Yes, in different circumstances, a second would have been lovely, but we did the best we could.

I sometimes feel wistful, yes, as @ChocolateApples says (wistful is exactly the right word for this, a sadness, yes, but more a sense of acknowledging that every life has both sorrow and joy).

I think it’s important that you provide plenty of opportunities for your DS to spend times with friends and cousins. You might not always want to, but things like bringing a friend on holiday and spending Christmas with cousins will be very important and beneficial for your DS.

This! He's got parents who have made the best decision for themselves. it's normal to wonder about a different life of course. but it's his cousin so they'll have a relationship. he's not deprived, it's his normality to be an only child. no more deprived than kids who have to share their parent's attention and time!

Exactly. I'm an only child and I had two much older siblings who sadly died in childbirth. I think I wouldn't have minded having them as they would be been 15-17 yrs older. But I'd have been so jealous and sad if I had to share my mum with a new younger one! Ultimately I loved being an only child.

DH had a sibling 7 years older so he always felt like an only child because there was never a stage in childhood that they had anything in common. We struggled with the first but it was important to us to have a second and with a small gap.
I wanted a third but I was 40 when we had DC2 and it seemed sensible to quit with two healthy children two years apart.
It's always natural to wonder what if. Doesn't mean your decision was wrong.