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AIBU?

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AIBU to be upset he forgot the holiday payment then shouted at me for paying it?

107 replies

MarilynSays · 07/08/2026 08:30

Can I get some perspective on a situation as I'm feeling a bit shocked.
Family holiday booked, think UK based and cost approx £500 for accommodation. Travel and food still would need paying for at the time of the holiday for family of 4.
Reason I am feeling shocked is that we paid the deposit (myself and DH) months ago, and at that time he said "don't worry, I will pay the rest". I politely and in a nice tone reminded him earlier this week to pay, and he just said "oh", like he'd forgotten. Reminded again two days ago, and he barely responded. So yesterday I paid the balance (due date or we would lose our booking) and told him I did feel irritated as he'd said he was going to pay it. He got very cross and shouted "well thanks for making me feel like the bad guy and a complete c*nt!!" I was so shocked as we've been together for a long time think 15 years, and have barely argued about things like this!
I've woken up this morning, he's gone to work, but I'm thinking I will ask him to cover all food and transport as that will be around the same cost that I covered yesterday. It's not really about the money though, I am annoyed he couldn't shoulder the responsibility for paying the final balance, leaving it to me, then shouting at me when I dared say I was upset about it? Am I being unreasonable? We have a joint account and he does earn more than me and contribute more usually without me ever needing to ask, which is why last night shocked me so much. Not sure if I am acting like a spoiled princess. For context I work part time and look after/arrange childcare when I work for our two DC.

OP posts:
NoCommentingFromNowOn · 07/08/2026 19:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

That’s quite a patronising way to speak to that poster.

Randallscandal · 07/08/2026 19:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Randallscandal · 07/08/2026 19:14

ThreadGuardDog · 07/08/2026 19:11

No. In what context is he a spineless twat ? That would suggest he needs to stand up to OP, and that doesn’t seem to be the case.

I am really having to help you along here.

You said in response to some one else suggesting that perhaps he didn’t actually want to go that it wouldn’t make sense.

But it would make sense that this was his approach to not wanting to go on holiday if he was a spineless twat!,

Nearly50omg · 07/08/2026 19:12

I’d also hope he’s apologised properly and is trying to make up his nasty behaviour to you?

ThreadGuardDog · 07/08/2026 19:11

Randallscandal · 07/08/2026 19:07

It would make sense for him to do this if he was a spineless twat

better?

No. In what context is he a spineless twat ? That would suggest he needs to stand up to OP, and that doesn’t seem to be the case.

Randallscandal · 07/08/2026 19:07

ThreadGuardDog · 07/08/2026 19:05

??

It would make sense for him to do this if he was a spineless twat

better?

ThreadGuardDog · 07/08/2026 19:05

riceuten · 07/08/2026 19:04

Are you sure he actually paid the deposit?

This would have been my guess but OP paid the balance.

ThreadGuardDog · 07/08/2026 19:05

Randallscandal · 07/08/2026 19:01

It does if you’re a spineless twat

??

riceuten · 07/08/2026 19:04

Are you sure he actually paid the deposit?

ThreadGuardDog · 07/08/2026 19:02

Curleywoo · 07/08/2026 17:01

He earns more than you, but you pay 50/50.

He doesn't pay a balance for a holiday despite being politely reminded of it.

His reaction is to verbally abuse you in the most foul way.

OP, I suspect you put up with more than you are letting on.

He is absolutely vile.
How he spoke to you is absolutely vile and abusive.

He is also financially abusive if you pay for half of costs despite him earning more.

This is not a good man.
You are subsidising the career and costs of an abusive man.

I think you should have a hard think and talk to a domestic abuse charity.
This is an abusive, controlling, financially abusive relationship.

I hope you have family and friends to support you.

Edited

Jesus wept, get a grip. OP says this is out of character. This is not an LTB issue and if you think it’s domestic abuse you need to give your head a wobble. Your post is hugely disrespectful of those of us who have suffered actual domestic abuse.

Randallscandal · 07/08/2026 19:01

ThreadGuardDog · 07/08/2026 18:58

But then surely he should say so. Allowing the deposit to be booked and insisting he will pay the balance doesn’t scream ‘I don’t want to go’.

Edited

It does if you’re a spineless twat

ThreadGuardDog · 07/08/2026 18:58

Tel12 · 07/08/2026 08:33

Sounds like he doesn't actually want to go. You need to talk.

But then surely he should say so. Allowing the deposit to be booked and insisting he will pay the balance doesn’t scream ‘I don’t want to go’.

wp65 · 07/08/2026 18:26

Why on earth do you split costs 50/50 when he earns more than you and you only work part time due to looking after your JOINT children?! This is utter madness.

likeitshard · 07/08/2026 18:06

I’d be asking him to transfer his half and I’d be expecting a very sincere apology!! An appropriate response if it ever happens again is “you dont need my help to look like a c*nt you manage very well on your own” Followed by exiting the room.

Minasama · 07/08/2026 17:44

This seems really odd, assuming he isn’t usually unreasonable and unpleasant.
I would say “I’m really unhappy about the way you spoke to me the other day. Please don’t use that word in my presence again. What is going on that you got so upset?” .
I think it’s important to talk about it.
We have a joint credit card and bank account that gets used for holiday and other joint expenses, we put a pro-rata’d amount each in each month. That avoids arguments in these types of situations.

Papster · 07/08/2026 17:43

Curleywoo · 07/08/2026 17:01

He earns more than you, but you pay 50/50.

He doesn't pay a balance for a holiday despite being politely reminded of it.

His reaction is to verbally abuse you in the most foul way.

OP, I suspect you put up with more than you are letting on.

He is absolutely vile.
How he spoke to you is absolutely vile and abusive.

He is also financially abusive if you pay for half of costs despite him earning more.

This is not a good man.
You are subsidising the career and costs of an abusive man.

I think you should have a hard think and talk to a domestic abuse charity.
This is an abusive, controlling, financially abusive relationship.

I hope you have family and friends to support you.

Edited

The OP says it’s out of character and you want her to contact a domestic abuse charity.
I think I’d wait till he’s back and here a bit more before hitting the LTB button,

Whatthefork1 · 07/08/2026 17:39

I mean I’d be shocked and upset if my DH called me a c*. What I can’t understand is that you’re married, so surely you just pay for this together? Why is it a situation of you pay for this, he pays for that etc.

Randallscandal · 07/08/2026 17:36

This holiday is going to be hellish, for you all I imagine.

Also for any neighbouring holidaymakers

ThatCyanCat · 07/08/2026 17:36

we usually share costs 50/50 which I am happy to do even though he does earn more.

You shouldn't be happy with that. And he shouldn't be happy with that.

Dweetfidilove · 07/08/2026 17:09

This should be such a non-issue. Surely he just pays you back, as he was going to pay anyway? Unless he doesn't want to go, or doesn't have the money; which raises other issues.
Maybe holiday funds should be part of the joint account too, so there's no need for dickish behaviour 🤷🏾‍♀️.

Dalston · 07/08/2026 17:06

MarilynSays · 07/08/2026 08:30

Can I get some perspective on a situation as I'm feeling a bit shocked.
Family holiday booked, think UK based and cost approx £500 for accommodation. Travel and food still would need paying for at the time of the holiday for family of 4.
Reason I am feeling shocked is that we paid the deposit (myself and DH) months ago, and at that time he said "don't worry, I will pay the rest". I politely and in a nice tone reminded him earlier this week to pay, and he just said "oh", like he'd forgotten. Reminded again two days ago, and he barely responded. So yesterday I paid the balance (due date or we would lose our booking) and told him I did feel irritated as he'd said he was going to pay it. He got very cross and shouted "well thanks for making me feel like the bad guy and a complete c*nt!!" I was so shocked as we've been together for a long time think 15 years, and have barely argued about things like this!
I've woken up this morning, he's gone to work, but I'm thinking I will ask him to cover all food and transport as that will be around the same cost that I covered yesterday. It's not really about the money though, I am annoyed he couldn't shoulder the responsibility for paying the final balance, leaving it to me, then shouting at me when I dared say I was upset about it? Am I being unreasonable? We have a joint account and he does earn more than me and contribute more usually without me ever needing to ask, which is why last night shocked me so much. Not sure if I am acting like a spoiled princess. For context I work part time and look after/arrange childcare when I work for our two DC.

Ok he can transfer the money to you can’t he? Problem solved. Sounds like there’s something going on that you’re not aware of. I would ask him straight out what’s going on and why he’s behaving like this.

Curleywoo · 07/08/2026 17:01

He earns more than you, but you pay 50/50.

He doesn't pay a balance for a holiday despite being politely reminded of it.

His reaction is to verbally abuse you in the most foul way.

OP, I suspect you put up with more than you are letting on.

He is absolutely vile.
How he spoke to you is absolutely vile and abusive.

He is also financially abusive if you pay for half of costs despite him earning more.

This is not a good man.
You are subsidising the career and costs of an abusive man.

I think you should have a hard think and talk to a domestic abuse charity.
This is an abusive, controlling, financially abusive relationship.

I hope you have family and friends to support you.

sittingonabeach · 07/08/2026 16:57

Why do you pay 50:50 if earn less? Do you have a joint savings account too?

Glidinglikeaswan · 07/08/2026 16:57

harderthanIexpected · 07/08/2026 16:55

things like this we usually share costs 50/50 which I am happy to do even though he does earn more

He earns more because you are working part time to provide childcare for your joint children. Why on earth are you paying 50/50 for anything?

And as you are only working part time you are paying less into your pension.

harderthanIexpected · 07/08/2026 16:55

things like this we usually share costs 50/50 which I am happy to do even though he does earn more

He earns more because you are working part time to provide childcare for your joint children. Why on earth are you paying 50/50 for anything?

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