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AIBU?

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AIBU to be upset he forgot the holiday payment then shouted at me for paying it?

107 replies

MarilynSays · 07/08/2026 08:30

Can I get some perspective on a situation as I'm feeling a bit shocked.
Family holiday booked, think UK based and cost approx £500 for accommodation. Travel and food still would need paying for at the time of the holiday for family of 4.
Reason I am feeling shocked is that we paid the deposit (myself and DH) months ago, and at that time he said "don't worry, I will pay the rest". I politely and in a nice tone reminded him earlier this week to pay, and he just said "oh", like he'd forgotten. Reminded again two days ago, and he barely responded. So yesterday I paid the balance (due date or we would lose our booking) and told him I did feel irritated as he'd said he was going to pay it. He got very cross and shouted "well thanks for making me feel like the bad guy and a complete c*nt!!" I was so shocked as we've been together for a long time think 15 years, and have barely argued about things like this!
I've woken up this morning, he's gone to work, but I'm thinking I will ask him to cover all food and transport as that will be around the same cost that I covered yesterday. It's not really about the money though, I am annoyed he couldn't shoulder the responsibility for paying the final balance, leaving it to me, then shouting at me when I dared say I was upset about it? Am I being unreasonable? We have a joint account and he does earn more than me and contribute more usually without me ever needing to ask, which is why last night shocked me so much. Not sure if I am acting like a spoiled princess. For context I work part time and look after/arrange childcare when I work for our two DC.

OP posts:
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Goneforalotto · 10/08/2026 18:14

You don’t argue about money because you don’t feel like you can remotely raise with him how unfair the status quo is for fear of him kicking off @MarilynSays

MerryUmberHedgehog · 09/08/2026 16:56

Sounds a bit of an over reaction on his part and its his problem if he wants to feel like a c*. You didnt make him feel like that but he is behaving like one. Any reasonable person would say thanks i will transfer the money!

Itchysidefoot · 09/08/2026 16:53

Curleywoo · 09/08/2026 16:52

Exactly.
Good men, husbands and fathers, do not financially abuse their wives.
Controlling men do.
He knows exactly what he is doing.

But he’s clearly going to carry on getting away with it as the Op neither sees it as problem or even if she did… would confront him about it

Curleywoo · 09/08/2026 16:52

Itchysidefoot · 09/08/2026 14:52

Exactly

That comment that they don’t usually argue about money… I thought “yeah I bet you don’t!”

Exactly.
Good men, husbands and fathers, do not financially abuse their wives.
Controlling men do.
He knows exactly what he is doing.

Aiming4Optimistic · 09/08/2026 15:37

Ohshitiveturnedintomymother · 07/08/2026 09:06

I suppose it depends if you were planning on contributing to the costs of the holiday or expected your husband to pay for everything else. The way you have said he needs to pay the costs of food etc suggest you didn’t expect to pay for the trip.
I’d be annoyed too if you expected everything to be paid for you. Working part time should mean you still contribute.

OP works part time and has the children when not working. Of course her dh should be contributing more financially - Her contribution to the pot is her pt job and childcare for their shared children.

If he said that he would pay it, then he ought to have done so. Yelling at OP because she picked up his slack before they lost the deposit, is unacceptable behaviour.

Itchysidefoot · 09/08/2026 14:52

wp65 · 09/08/2026 14:39

You SHOULD be arguing about money stuff! Your financial set up is massively unfair on you and I can’t imagine why your husband, if he has any kind of moral compass, thinks it’s ok.

Exactly

That comment that they don’t usually argue about money… I thought “yeah I bet you don’t!”

wp65 · 09/08/2026 14:39

MarilynSays · 09/08/2026 14:26

Update - he has apologized and is going to pay for all transport and food, and has booked me to have a spa day as well. Work has stressed him out but he has apologized. Thanks for all your advice though, it was a shock as we never usually argue over money stuff?

You SHOULD be arguing about money stuff! Your financial set up is massively unfair on you and I can’t imagine why your husband, if he has any kind of moral compass, thinks it’s ok.

Itchysidefoot · 09/08/2026 14:30

MarilynSays · 09/08/2026 14:26

Update - he has apologized and is going to pay for all transport and food, and has booked me to have a spa day as well. Work has stressed him out but he has apologized. Thanks for all your advice though, it was a shock as we never usually argue over money stuff?

Well no you don’t argue about the money because you are in the massively inferior position and don’t want to rock the boat

MarilynSays · 09/08/2026 14:26

Update - he has apologized and is going to pay for all transport and food, and has booked me to have a spa day as well. Work has stressed him out but he has apologized. Thanks for all your advice though, it was a shock as we never usually argue over money stuff?

OP posts:
Itchysidefoot · 09/08/2026 14:16

@MarilynSays this sounds rotten. How’s things now? Surely this holiday is going to be awful for you and the kids?

mathanxiety · 08/08/2026 20:02

ThreadGuardDog · 07/08/2026 19:02

Jesus wept, get a grip. OP says this is out of character. This is not an LTB issue and if you think it’s domestic abuse you need to give your head a wobble. Your post is hugely disrespectful of those of us who have suffered actual domestic abuse.

I've suffered 'actual' domestic abuse, and @Curleywoois spot on.

You've conveniently ignored the massive problem of this man earning more than the OP yet happily contributing only 50% of the family expenses.

This is financial abuse. If by 'actual' abuse you mean bruises, broken noses, etc, than I suggest you educate yourself on all the many ways domestic abuse works.

Hint - financial abuse is 'actual abuse'.

Bristolandlazy · 08/08/2026 16:54

Personally I don't see that you did anything wrong and even if you did it doesn't justify his response.. He owes you an apology.

Good luck

Franklinlove · 08/08/2026 13:22

I think you need to reassess you view of yourself as being no pushover @MarilynSays

because the facts indicate that you very much are being walked all over.

As an aside, I don’t think he wanted to go on the holiday so used this as a ruse.

disturbia · 08/08/2026 11:05

MarilynSays · 07/08/2026 08:59

No other instances, which is why I am shocked. I'm not a wallflower either, but because I was shocked I didn't respond in the moment. When he gets home I will discuss with him further in case there's something else going on money wise? Or maybe he's stressed at work? Just so out of character for him to speak to me like that. Thanks for your replies as I don't want to be stewing on this all day! If he doesn't want to go I will take our children on my own!

If you paid it out of your joint account I can't see the issue he has with that.

MadeInGrimsby · 08/08/2026 08:59

What's all this "paying back"? If you're a married couple with children, you've surely got shared finances? It sounds as if you're financially disadvantaged here.
Oh, and I agree with pp who are thinking that he doesn't want to go on the holiday.

chirrupybird · 08/08/2026 08:57

Tell him you just paid it because it was due and you didn't want to loose the booking and he's welcome to pay you back. Was he actually there when you paid it? If so perhaps you should have said you were doing it, if he wasn't around you have to just do things sometimes.

As other's have said is he short of money for some reason, debt you don't know about? Or was he just offended that you paid when he said he would?

Countrysu · 08/08/2026 07:25

Of course not. It’s a shame you need to ask.

WhatNextImScared · 08/08/2026 06:18

watchingthishtread · 07/08/2026 09:16

There is more to this story. There's a reason he didn't pay it despite being reminded and there's a reason he got so angry. Reserve judgement until you find out what's behind it.

I agree - keep digging OP

Randallscandal · 08/08/2026 06:15

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Randallscandal · 08/08/2026 06:13

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fivepastmidnight · 07/08/2026 23:55

"well thanks for making me feel like the bad guy and a complete c*nt!!" I'd say you're welcome next time you don't want to feel like that don't be a bad guy and don't be a complete cunt.

Katigee410 · 07/08/2026 22:28

He's out of order. Shouting is a no for me, only in extreme cases. I thinkthere must be underlying issues here, obviously very stressed. Its never easy having these conversations but you need to talk. Good luck x

ilovesushi · 07/08/2026 22:26

Surely he's going to immediately transfer the £500 into your account??? Not sure why you are hoping that he'll cover other holiday costs. It could work out really uneven. You shouldn't have to ask him, he should just be quietly transfering it and letting you know when it's done.

He was completely out of order and I hope he apologies to you.

TheDenimPoet · 07/08/2026 22:23

If it's genuinely a one off, maybe he was just feeling bad that he forgot, so he lashed out.

Tell him it's no big deal, he can just transfer you the money. You were just making sure you didn't lose the booking!

TheBlueKoala · 07/08/2026 22:21

MarilynSays · 07/08/2026 10:10

We have a joint account for bills, food shopping, household things etc. things like this we usually share costs 50/50 which I am happy to do even though he does earn more. Thanks for the advice everyone. I will discuss calmly with him later and hopefully he is happy to cover transport and food costs when we actually do go. But I'm going to check he's not got worries of another kind as well, and ask for an apology as I don't want to ever be spoken to like that again!

I can't get my mind around this; you are married and have two dc, joint account but you pay 50/50 towards bills even though he earns more? And you are responsible for child care? It sounds really weird to me and completely unfair.