AIBU to be concerned about this person working with people with mental health issues?

BewareTheGurus · 2026-08-07T03:48:47+00:00

So, I'm being brave here and am going to ask you all your opinion of something that's cropped up recently. I'm here on MH a fair amount and do offer advice etc when I can. I've changed my name for this post. I'm not asking advice for what to do about this, but would welcome any thoughts and feedback regarding the situation. I won't take action. I will try to keep it as direct as possible, and do not wish to drip feed. A (would be, by law) member of my family has a history of vile and unpredictable behaviour. I suffer with mental health issues (was 'high functioning' bipolar) and was subjected to his relentless vile degrading diatribe and threats a couple of years ago. The police were involved, as were safeguarding. It was a hideous time. I had a massive relapse as a result, and will never recover to the life I was able to lead beforehand. I am certainly no longer 'high functioning'. Recently I have been unfortunate so as to suffer further rancour, and I will say that my resilience has really made me proud. I'm dealing with it and flushing ihis crap all down the pan where it belongs. However, what I find really worrying is that this man believes that he knows everything about mental health and also believes that he is a guru in this field. It appears that he has an 'accreditation' for dealing with MH in the workforce. He has even had the audacity to' diagnose' me!! I am apparently 'a narcissist' and he knows this because he is 'trained to spot them'. It's laughable, but also rather worrying that this person believes himself to be such an expert, and so well equipped, He won't be bothering me again, and that is not the issue as I do not need to 'deal' with any more of his shit. He has burnt his bridges (and also those of a very close family member which is difficult to deal with) with not only me but all of my family, and extended family. We are many, and very close. So, what I'm asking is, AIBU to be concerned about this person working with people with mental health issues? ps - it's ok - I'm not a narcissist!

Original poster

BewareTheGurus · Yesterday 06:20

Just to add - typo, first para.

I'm here on (MN, not MH) a fair amount and do offer advice etc when I can.

OP posts:

Bagpussisfab · Yesterday 06:28

"So, what I'm asking is, AIBU to be concerned about this person working with people with mental health issues?"

This is not your problem.

If he is a "fake" he'll be spotted soon enough. I'm not sure what "accreditation" he has but unless he's a Registered MH nurse or has a degree in Psychiatry he's unlikely to be taken seriously.

mynameiscalypso · Yesterday 06:31

It sounds like he’s a mental health first aider at work. Their role is to point people struggling to sources of support (HR, employee assistance programmes etc) and they aren’t supposed to do anything other than be a friendly face and listen. I’ve worked in many places that have them and nobody I know has done much at all. I have a whole host of mental health problems and wouldn’t go near one!

Bagpussisfab · Yesterday 06:34

mynameiscalypso · Yesterday 06:31

It sounds like he’s a mental health first aider at work. Their role is to point people struggling to sources of support (HR, employee assistance programmes etc) and they aren’t supposed to do anything other than be a friendly face and listen. I’ve worked in many places that have them and nobody I know has done much at all. I have a whole host of mental health problems and wouldn’t go near one!

Thanks for that - I never knew there was such a person !

Original poster

BewareTheGurus · Yesterday 06:37

Bagpussisfab · Yesterday 06:28

"So, what I'm asking is, AIBU to be concerned about this person working with people with mental health issues?"

This is not your problem.

If he is a "fake" he'll be spotted soon enough. I'm not sure what "accreditation" he has but unless he's a Registered MH nurse or has a degree in Psychiatry he's unlikely to be taken seriously.

Thank you. That's reassuring. He is none of those things.

OP posts:

Original poster

BewareTheGurus · Yesterday 06:39

mynameiscalypso · Yesterday 06:31

It sounds like he’s a mental health first aider at work. Their role is to point people struggling to sources of support (HR, employee assistance programmes etc) and they aren’t supposed to do anything other than be a friendly face and listen. I’ve worked in many places that have them and nobody I know has done much at all. I have a whole host of mental health problems and wouldn’t go near one!

Yes, something like that.

It is his utter belief in himself and his alleged ability that I find concerning.

With you on not going near.

OP posts:

ALovelyPinkUnicorn · Yesterday 06:41

If police and “safeguarding” -as in official like social work and formal investigation? Have been involved am surprised this hasn’t flagged up on his dbs check?

Bagpussisfab · Yesterday 06:43

ALovelyPinkUnicorn · Yesterday 06:41

If police and “safeguarding” -as in official like social work and formal investigation? Have been involved am surprised this hasn’t flagged up on his dbs check?

Good point.

Maybe he doesn't have any "accreditation" and he's a Walter Mitty type who's made it all up to sound important.
It's not OP's problem anyway.

TheJuryIsOut · Yesterday 06:47

"accreditation" probably means a one day course on dealing with mental health in the workplace. I wouldn't worry too much op

Original poster

BewareTheGurus · Yesterday 06:48

ALovelyPinkUnicorn · Yesterday 06:41

If police and “safeguarding” -as in official like social work and formal investigation? Have been involved am surprised this hasn’t flagged up on his dbs check?

Goodness, I've never thought of that. Perhaps it's all just total bollox from him? Nothing would surprise me. Although I am aware that his so called accreditation pre dated the police involvement.

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Kimmers4334 · Yesterday 06:52

I think you have to be very highly trained to diagnose personality disorders - but I suppose maybe not as much to “spot” them. I actually know a therapist who has a history of awful behaviour (coercive control, emotional abuse, using suicide as a threat etc.) which I think is pretty concerning but apparently she can compartmentalise and is a good therapist 🤔. For the person you know, if it’s just in the workforce then I doubt he has much involvement with people’s mental health day to day, unless that’s actually part of his job. Has he tried to “diagnose” other members of the family? As in, do you think he got this accreditation so he can basically gaslight people in his private life?

Agix · Yesterday 06:58

Abusers can absolutely be much nicer to colleagues than they are to people on their personal life. I wouldn't worry about how he is with people at his work place. He's probably great with them.

People like those choose who they mistreat, and can choose not to. He likely will be great at work and the most supportive person ever, because it gets him prestige (and continued wages).

Original poster

BewareTheGurus · Yesterday 07:03

Kimmers4334 · Yesterday 06:52

I think you have to be very highly trained to diagnose personality disorders - but I suppose maybe not as much to “spot” them. I actually know a therapist who has a history of awful behaviour (coercive control, emotional abuse, using suicide as a threat etc.) which I think is pretty concerning but apparently she can compartmentalise and is a good therapist 🤔. For the person you know, if it’s just in the workforce then I doubt he has much involvement with people’s mental health day to day, unless that’s actually part of his job. Has he tried to “diagnose” other members of the family? As in, do you think he got this accreditation so he can basically gaslight people in his private life?

I didn't know what gaslighting was until he went to stay at my daughter's house and kept talking about it. She was horrified. As for me, I still don't get all this stuff.

OP posts:

Original poster

BewareTheGurus · Yesterday 07:07

Agix · Yesterday 06:58

Abusers can absolutely be much nicer to colleagues than they are to people on their personal life. I wouldn't worry about how he is with people at his work place. He's probably great with them.

People like those choose who they mistreat, and can choose not to. He likely will be great at work and the most supportive person ever, because it gets him prestige (and continued wages).

Gosh that's interesting. Well he's certainly not been nice to me, but he has a very small circle of contacts. His mum, stepdad, half bro, and one female friend. He's late 20x. Doesn't get anything for the popular award.

OP posts:

TheJuryIsOut · Yesterday 07:11

BewareTheGurus · Yesterday 07:03

I didn't know what gaslighting was until he went to stay at my daughter's house and kept talking about it. She was horrified. As for me, I still don't get all this stuff.

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Horrified by being told what gaslighting was?

Original poster

BewareTheGurus · Yesterday 07:13

This is all very cathartic and is helping me to stop being in such a spin. Thank you.

OP posts:

Original poster

BewareTheGurus · Yesterday 07:14

TheJuryIsOut · Yesterday 07:11

Horrified by being told what gaslighting was?

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No, not by being told what it was, it being referred to in a kind of normal day to day conversational way. Does that make sense?

Just adding a little bit here - so he was describing it and he was talking about doing it, and creating it, and how to go about it, and hurt people by it.

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JacknDiane · Yesterday 07:31

mynameiscalypso · Yesterday 06:31

It sounds like he’s a mental health first aider at work. Their role is to point people struggling to sources of support (HR, employee assistance programmes etc) and they aren’t supposed to do anything other than be a friendly face and listen. I’ve worked in many places that have them and nobody I know has done much at all. I have a whole host of mental health problems and wouldn’t go near one!

Yes this exactly. Im my workplace of around 250 people, the wellness lead is the shop bully. She has had numerous complaints over the years made about her, but she brown noses the bosses, so nothing sticks. She gossips about everyone. She only joined the wellness team as its a seat when they have meetings.

I wouldn't go near her. She's toxic.

PollyBell · Yesterday 07:34

You can be concerned all you like if the person has done something reportable then report them otherwise what could would being concerned do? there are lots of people we could say is unsuitable for any role and yes there are people who do harm who do reposible or senior or sensitvie jobs that is what happens in the general popluation

likelysuspect · Yesterday 07:39

Bagpussisfab · Yesterday 06:28

"So, what I'm asking is, AIBU to be concerned about this person working with people with mental health issues?"

This is not your problem.

If he is a "fake" he'll be spotted soon enough. I'm not sure what "accreditation" he has but unless he's a Registered MH nurse or has a degree in Psychiatry he's unlikely to be taken seriously.

I think this is somewhat naive.

OP I hate to tell you but these self appointed unhinged types are everywhere.

From working in MH myself and having friends that do, there are a lot of unstable unpleasant people in the profession anyway

For people who are not actually practitioners but some sort of safeguarding lead or 'accreditation' type, they link in with businesses, public bodies, schools etc etc

Look at the man who was convicted recently, the prospective adopter for the baby he killed, he was the safeguarding lead. I know of foster carers who we are concerned about in terms of their approach and practice but not enough to do anything formal about but they rock up at fostering events as some sort of self appointed expert about fostering. I cant tell you how many times I've held strategy discussions with the police about a person to find out lo and behold they are the safeguarding lead for their workplace/school/business whoever it is.

Wingingit73 · Yesterday 07:41

Move on with your life and enjoy it.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · Yesterday 07:42

This sounds like a mediocre insecure man who has very little to offer the world, so is desperate to big himself up in some way. Most people can see through it, and I'm sure his colleagues do.

Original poster

BewareTheGurus · Yesterday 07:58

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · Yesterday 07:42

This sounds like a mediocre insecure man who has very little to offer the world, so is desperate to big himself up in some way. Most people can see through it, and I'm sure his colleagues do.

Actually I had some feedback on him from one of his colleagues recently. She described him as a 'fat lazy fucking bastard'.

But what do I know?

Doesn't help the fact that he thinks he is knowledgeable though. Taking on board lots of very intelligent advice here

(Have found using the 'fat' word difficult here as I don't want to offend or alienate... but he had stomach reduction at 21, and is again seriously obese again now)

OP posts:

JacknDiane · Yesterday 20:14

likelysuspect · Yesterday 07:39

I think this is somewhat naive.

OP I hate to tell you but these self appointed unhinged types are everywhere.

From working in MH myself and having friends that do, there are a lot of unstable unpleasant people in the profession anyway

For people who are not actually practitioners but some sort of safeguarding lead or 'accreditation' type, they link in with businesses, public bodies, schools etc etc

Look at the man who was convicted recently, the prospective adopter for the baby he killed, he was the safeguarding lead. I know of foster carers who we are concerned about in terms of their approach and practice but not enough to do anything formal about but they rock up at fostering events as some sort of self appointed expert about fostering. I cant tell you how many times I've held strategy discussions with the police about a person to find out lo and behold they are the safeguarding lead for their workplace/school/business whoever it is.

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Yep.

Hiding in plain sight.