AIBU to find it strange that husband is invited to wedding without me

If I was to get married again then no I wouldn’t invite partners of my colleagues. It wouldn’t even cross my mind to. He’s the one she knows, not you.

I’m with you OP and if he’s doesn’t feel like making the effort he should not bother. Just asked my own husband and he also would not be bothered.

Work is work, and we (general we) enjoy some of our colleagues but most we probably would never see again if we parted ways with our roles.

Time is precious and days off too few. Weddings involve expense and often travel. No sense taking the time for someone that doesn’t know him well enough to understand that this particular wedding would be an obligation rather than a pleasure.

I don’t think there’s a right or wrong. Weddings are expensive and including partners can mean not inviting others. We gave all our day and evening guests a plus one and even asked if they wanted to bring children or not as many were travelling quite a distance especially from my side. However a work colleague got married last year and just invited the direct colleagues to the evening do. So I think each wedding is individual and up to the couple. They make their choice and then you make your choice as to whether to go or not.

The bride and OP’s husband have worked together for 20 years !!! @Loulou4022
OP’s husband owns the company afaik.
They are not just casual acquaintances that meet occasionally at work.

The bride and the OP husband have worked together for 20 years not the OP!
I’m not really sure why you’ve quoted me tbh? I said at the beginning of my post I felt there’s no right or wrong answer!!
At then end of the day the bride has made her choice over the invites now it’s up to the OP and her husband to decide if he goes or not!

That was covered off in my post under "exceptions." 🤓
But, I like your sense of fun in your reply. 🙂

That’s completely different to the issue at hand though. It’s not as though the DH will be going to ‘a big social event’ alone though if there are other people from work. I’m guessing there will be a ‘work table’. If not, or if he doesn’t like his work colleagues then he is free to decline, obviously. All of that is seperate to his wife not being invited though. As for having to be a kid to want to have a few drinks with work colleagues, that’s really not a universal truth. I’ve always cherished the rare nights off where, as work colleagues, we can have drinks and a good time together. Why would he want to sit with his wife the whole night anyway? At the odd times we’ve been at weddings together, it’s because we both know people, so we are both busy off catching up with people and often just see each other to physically eat, and even then if we are having a good natter to people, we swap seats at the table sitting apart to better enable this.

As for the time commitment, if he doesn’t have, or want to spend the time, then that’s absolutely fine, he simply declines. Again, nothing to do with his wife not being invited though, unless you are somehow tying in that the time away means he is not spending that time with his wife? If do, that would be odd as, assuming they live together, I imagine they spend plenty of time together otherwise, surely a day or weekend won’t hurt🤷‍♀️.

As to his comfort, and lack of, you have lost me there. Been to plenty of weddings on my own, as has DH, there has never been any issue with lack of comfort, so no idea what this is on about. Again, if it’s something like a 10 hour drive and he doesn’t want to do that without a driver swap, fair enough and fair enough for him to decline the invite. If it was me though, I’d be happy to share the driving with DH, stay in a nice hotel room, read a book, watch movies, have room service, bit of a self-pamper while drinking fizz while he is at the wedding and share the drive back the next day. Wouldn’t have worked when our kids were young admittedly and in that scenario, if he couldn’t car pool with people he knew going, he would have politely declined. But that’s not because I wasn’t invited, just due to logistical issues.

If you are inviting people to fete you; know your audience.

Or if you are inviting people to have lots of free food and drink at your expense, then don’t feel obligated to invite extras

This is great for young people. Established adults don’t usually get that excited about free food. Particularly of the budget variety.

I think this is fine! I have been to a number of weddings on my own - close work colleagues etc… I am not sure why you would invite people you don’t know nowadays. We did for ours but it was a long time ago - times have changed in this regard, especially as the couple are often paying for most of the cost themselves.

Depends if they know you both and well

IV gone to weddings before of friends who don't really know my husband well

It's not a big deal I was sat with our friendship group and had a fantastic time

Hell most likely be sitting with all the work crowd

I didn't have any colleagues' partners at mine, neither did my husband, with the exception of my boss' wife....but I did also know her. I don't know if I would have invited her it I didn't.

A colleague of mine got married last summer. She invited several people from work but not their partners. I think it’s quite normal as generally as colleagues you don’t know partners that well and every guest costs money

You and your husband sound very traditional. I can’t imagine getting worked up about this.

It is very common for a table am of work colleagues to be invited without plus ones. I have been invited to frequent weddings over the years were they is a table of 8-10 of us and no plus ones - no one was deeply offended or uncomfortable, and every one coped with the church ceremony fine without their spouses. We spoke to each other and other guests.

If it makes you and your husband this uncomfortable then of course he can decline, it’s just an invitation.

You must go to some grim weddings😂

I'm off to my colleagues wedding in a couple of weeks and my husband isn't invited,, why would he be he doesn't know them? I assume I'll be sat with other colleagues on the day. Weddings are expensive and venues have limits I'm important to the couple as they are to me but my husband isn't and I wouldn't expect them to pay for him and neither does he.

YABU. I'm getting married next year. I'll be inviting my work colleagues, no plus ones. Why would I? I don't know them, so I'm not paying for them.

Well if its a church wedding no one can stop you going in.... so you could go with him and not go to the reception evening do which would be a private affair

You could - but you risk looking a little unhinged.

I know you can go to a church wedding but why would you unless you knew the people and were invited?

And is ‘nobody can stop you’ really a good reason for pushing in on someone’s wedding day.

I guess they can’t stop the OP
from attending the evening do unless she can be forcibly removed but I would hope nobody would do something that crass.

Sadly I think that is quite common nowadays to not invite spouses to weddings however, I don’t agree with it and think that it is actually quite rude !

I think its very common for work colleagues to be invited without a plus one. They usually all get seated together

Yep. This. Always been my experience. In fact my daughter is going to a work colleagues wedding next month - there are 5 invited from work. Two men, three women. They are all going. Imagine having to pay for 10 people instead of 5.
5 of whom you don't even know. And they don't know anyone except their spouse. It's bloody daft when you think about it.

I have no idea why munsnet posters keep getting so shocked about people getting solo invites to weddings. I think it's totally normal!! You invite your friends, sometimes those people are "couple" friends and you know the partner fairly well and wish them to be there. Sometimes, especially with work colleagues, you don't know the partner, barely know their name and as a result don't want to spend between 50 and 150 quid to buy their dinner and drinks at a celebration of your union, which is a very personal and intimate thing for most people. I always wanted my wedding to be full of people I love not "oh I think that's Tom's wife maybe, not sure". Your husband is very much allowed to not go if he doesn't fancy doing it alone - that's also totally OK.

You're not the only person to find it strange though, every week someone posts something along these lines.

Even more so those who see weddings as celebrating their union and status as a married couple, even though weddings have nothing to do with them and they’re just a guest…

True. In previous threads I've seen the popular opinion that "a wedding is to celebrate marriage so it's weird not to invite both people who are, you know, married" Even when you wouldn't know them from Adam.