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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to find it strange that husband is invited to wedding without me

263 replies

Battyasacat · Yesterday 01:13

My husband has been invited to one of his employees wedding, she has worked at his company for 20 years. The invite just has his name on the envelope and there is no name inside just a printed card. He replied online but it seems like it is just for him.It’s all day
We have been married for 40 years and would have never done this despite being on a low budget at the time.
.

OP posts:
ohsosomething · Yesterday 01:31

Maybe she thinks he’s single?

Original poster
Battyasacat · Yesterday 01:32

She knows he is not single.

OP posts:
JustaDomperignon · Yesterday 01:33

I would find this very strange. Would he still go without you?

Original poster
Battyasacat · Yesterday 01:33

it’s a church wedding, very traditional. It’s very strange to me .

OP posts:
OhHobnobs · Yesterday 01:37

Has he asked, if there is no name on the actual invite?

Original poster
Battyasacat · Yesterday 01:38

I hope not @JustaDomperignon. I never heard of this before.

OP posts:
Original poster
Battyasacat · Yesterday 01:39

No, it just occurred to me today. How can you ask.

OP posts:
Lengokengo · Yesterday 01:39

i do think the only exception to ‘plus one’ rules at a wedding is work colleagues, (or sports team mates, come to think of it)

i wouldn’t overthink it.

Ansells · Yesterday 01:40

Is it only him that has been invited or the whole team?

If she has invited lots of colleagues, then their partners can’t be expected to get an invite too. If it’s a select few, then partners should be invited too.

Original poster
Battyasacat · Yesterday 01:42

I think it’s a select few but not totally sure. All day and travelling to a venue not in our home town. It’s so strange to me .

OP posts:
Ansells · Yesterday 01:42

JustaDomperignon · Yesterday 01:33

I would find this very strange. Would he still go without you?

Why would it be strange? If say, 5 people from a team were invited to a wedding, inviting partners would make it 10 people, people that the couple do not know at all and have never had contact with.

I’ve been invited to several weddings of colleagues where DH wasn’t invited and vice versa. The only time I was invited to one of his colleague’s weddings was when only him and one other person was invited.

BibbityBoppityTwo · Yesterday 01:43

I personally think you should include plus ones in every instance where the person has a partner. That said, while finding it odd and a bit rude, I wouldn’t be upset in this instance as I don’t know them and they are just my husband’s employee.

mamajong · Yesterday 01:43

I dont think its that strange, weddings are expensive per person and its your husband she works with. Will there be other people from work that your husband knows? When I got married there were so many social rules about who to invite we ended up with people there we didnt even know because they had babysit me when I was 5 or whatever. These days people seem more willing to just have people they know and im all for it, fair play to them.

Do you really want to go to the wedding of someone you barely know?

MrsClatterbuck · Yesterday 01:46

Is your husband her boss as you said she was one of his employees. Is it his business.
If that's the case then not inviting you Is certainly strange.

Original poster
Battyasacat · Yesterday 01:48

Yes it is @MrsClatterbuck

OP posts:
ContractorQuestion · Yesterday 01:50

Many will disagree with me but personally I think it’s fine to only invite one of a couple, especially when you only know one of them. I remember when I was young it was quite normal for my mum or my dad to go to a wedding without the other, if it was a friend from work, friend from a hobby, etc., and as an adult I’ve been to many weddings on my own!
In this case. I expect the bride has invited her work team, they will all sit together, no one needs their partner there. I don’t understand the mentality that a couple must do everything together.

Ansells · Yesterday 01:50

MrsClatterbuck · Yesterday 01:46

Is your husband her boss as you said she was one of his employees. Is it his business.
If that's the case then not inviting you Is certainly strange.

No I disagree. It very much depends on how many colleagues are invited. Colleagues are at the bottom in terms of pecking order so they get last pick on whether their partners are invited or not.

Ansells · Yesterday 01:52

ContractorQuestion · Yesterday 01:50

Many will disagree with me but personally I think it’s fine to only invite one of a couple, especially when you only know one of them. I remember when I was young it was quite normal for my mum or my dad to go to a wedding without the other, if it was a friend from work, friend from a hobby, etc., and as an adult I’ve been to many weddings on my own!
In this case. I expect the bride has invited her work team, they will all sit together, no one needs their partner there. I don’t understand the mentality that a couple must do everything together.

Exactly this. I was at the wedding of a colleague just last week. We all went together, sat together and partied together. There was one colleague whose wife was also invited but that’s because they are genuine friends rather than just colleagues, but it meant he barely interacted with us as he was busy with his wife. We had a great time together and whilst I’m sure they did too, the dynamics were very different.

ohsosomething · Yesterday 01:53

I think she’s just thought the work colleagues have each other for company all day, so there’s no reason to invite their partners it’ll just be a waste of money on people she doesn’t know.

I’m sure if she’d only invited your H, he would have been offered a plus one, simply to have someone to chat to.

Figgygal · Yesterday 01:57

Do you know them personally?
He's their employer there will be other work people there I assume for him to be with in the day I don't think that's weird

Original poster
Battyasacat · Yesterday 02:20

I know all the team but not well. He would find it very strange going to a wedding especially a church wedding without me.

OP posts:
Icecreamisthebest · Yesterday 02:21

I think its very common for work colleagues to be invited without a plus one. They usually all get seated together.

In your shoes I would make some lovely plans for yourself that day and look forward to hearing all about it later.

Gooseling · Yesterday 02:28

Battyasacat · Yesterday 02:20

I know all the team but not well. He would find it very strange going to a wedding especially a church wedding without me.

He doesn’t have to go. It isn’t a summons.

Missey85 · Yesterday 02:28

Sounds normal she's invited people she knows just because you married someone your not glued together you can do things alone ❤️

Katflapkit · Yesterday 02:32

If she has invited a few colleagues and they are all traveling together there is the answer to your question. It's four or five people she knows well and works with, they can travel and sit together, as opposed to 8 or 10 people half of which she doesn't know who may not be able to or want to sit together.

I also think its ok to do this for work colleague weddings if they are going en masse. My DH was delighted he wasn't invited my colleague's wedding, he wished me a great time and told me to let him know if I needed any lifts.