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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel hurt that my ex left over trauma ? Do I need professional help

16 replies

TheOpalFox · 06/08/2026 23:14

My ex left me because of my trauma. Is this such a thing and how do I deal with that plz

OP posts:
DahliaDelights · 06/08/2026 23:16

So very difficult to say they or you are unreasonable unless they gave any explanation or we know what their reasoning is.

Gettingbysomehow · 06/08/2026 23:16

Probably better to put this on relationships. AIBU will eat you alive.

AtlasPine · 06/08/2026 23:17

Do you mean the impact of living with you while you are affected by past trauma?

Talking therapies are probably a good way to start addressing it. I hope you have some good friends too and I’m so sorry he has left because of this.

Original poster
TheOpalFox · 06/08/2026 23:18

DahliaDelights · 06/08/2026 23:16

So very difficult to say they or you are unreasonable unless they gave any explanation or we know what their reasoning is.

Says I’m too needy . Need to much reassurance
been together 4 years and left me 3 days ago 💔

OP posts:
Original poster
TheOpalFox · 06/08/2026 23:19

AtlasPine · 06/08/2026 23:17

Do you mean the impact of living with you while you are affected by past trauma?

Talking therapies are probably a good way to start addressing it. I hope you have some good friends too and I’m so sorry he has left because of this.

Says I’m too needy. Too far gone and need to much reasureance . Left me 3 days ago after 4 years together 💔

OP posts:
DewDropsAndCobWebs · 06/08/2026 23:21

It can be hard to be someone's everything.
Do you have a support system/family/friends that you can reach out to?

Original poster
TheOpalFox · 06/08/2026 23:23

DewDropsAndCobWebs · 06/08/2026 23:21

It can be hard to be someone's everything.
Do you have a support system/family/friends that you can reach out to?

Nope nothing I’m a carer for my disabled son and my disabled father

OP posts:
AtlasPine · 06/08/2026 23:24

TheOpalFox · 06/08/2026 23:19

Says I’m too needy. Too far gone and need to much reasureance . Left me 3 days ago after 4 years together 💔

Show quote history

Hmm sounds like an engineered excuse to move on. I’m not saying talking therapies might not be helpful but you could also say - well what changed now when we were ok enough for you to stay for four years?

AtlasPine · 06/08/2026 23:26

TheOpalFox · 06/08/2026 23:23

Nope nothing I’m a carer for my disabled son and my disabled father

Show quote history

Perhaps he just found all your responsibilities more than he wanted to live alongside.
It sounds tough. 💐

ScrambledEggs12 · 06/08/2026 23:29

My personal experience is that yes, having professional help is useful to deal with trauma. If you don't have anyone else to speak with then I can understand that it is too much for one other person to deal with. I hope you can get some help so that you can move forward x

BibbityBoppityTwo · 06/08/2026 23:32

Just because you have trauma doesn’t mean all things about you are reflective of that. It may be that your needs are perfectly reasonable and he is avoidant and can’t handle it. Trauma doesn’t mean everything is your fault or that all your needs are unreasonable. It’s hard for anyone else to say, it sounds like something to be worked through with a therapist, but I would be careful about not immediately blaming yourself.

InterIgnis · 06/08/2026 23:32

Trauma can unfortunately result in people behaving in ways that make it very, very difficult for those around them, to be around them.

ohsosomething · 07/08/2026 01:09

@TheOpalFox could your trauma be based on a previous relationship, possibly cheated on, which has left you in constant need of reassurance and possibly having to be with your partner 24/7? So this felt suffocating to your recent ex?

Or am I barking up the wrong tree?

ChalkOutlines · 07/08/2026 07:13

Did your need for reassurance and insecurities get better or worse as time went on? Was any of it caused by his behaviour (around other women, phone usage etc) or purely on your past trauma?

Wetcoatsandmudagain · 07/08/2026 08:10

YANBU to feel hurt at all. Your feelings are very valid. From personal experience I have found counciling to be incredibly effective in helping me navigate life after trauma. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate caring for your son and father as well as navigating a relationship. Visiting a councillor gives you a chance to carve out a bit of time to look after you and your needs too, air your feelings in a safe place and be heard. I did have my trauma used as an excuse for relationship issues but in fact it was jealousy for having to share my attention as I was caring for someone so sometimes it’s not you at all. Sending a hug

Brightbluesomething · 07/08/2026 08:25

This looks to be your 4th post about your ex leaving you this week. I know it’s a difficult time but perhaps take some of the advice you’ve received on other threads? It’s probably not your trauma but your behaviour (as a possible result of trauma) that was difficult for them.
Women are told all the time on here that they can leave a relationship for any reason. Men can too. It’s difficult but something you need to find a way to accept. Time does help.
And yes, accessing counselling or therapy is nearly always a good idea.

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