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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I drunk or is he insensitive

19 replies

itsonlycaba · 06/08/2026 22:53

Im away on hols in Spain. My bf(50) of six months and I are in contact each other each day. Im
having a tough time with my kids and feeling flat and a bit down. I said this to him today and he was kind and sensitive .
we text tonight and he suggested we have a pre organised call on sat and have some fun on the fun. We’re a long distance relationship anyway and see each other once or twice per week.
i am all on for this . So no chatting tomorrow .
am I being drunk and overthinking hat he is being insensitive by not wanting to talk to me tomorrow knowing that I felt a bit down even though I am all on for our fun chat ?
edit to add … he suggested that we build up anticipation before sat call but I wonder is he being insensitive . He is so kind, consistent, eager and loving . I’ve no worries on that front .
thanks for reading .

OP posts:
BigWig78 · 06/08/2026 22:58

I don’t really understand the situation. Do you mean you’re having phone sex on Saturday and you’re annoyed as he doesn’t want just to chat with you tomorrow?

Original poster
itsonlycaba · 06/08/2026 23:00

Yes exactly

OP posts:
ImmortalSnowman · 06/08/2026 23:00

He isn't interested in talking to you, just your services over the phone. Raise your bar.

AtlasPine · 06/08/2026 23:02

Agree with the raise your bar comment. But don’t drunk text is a good general rule.

FaceEatingLeopard · 06/08/2026 23:05

Ugh. Phone sex. He will be recording you. Another vote for bar raising.

chipsandcurrysaucewithpickles · 06/08/2026 23:05

ImmortalSnowman · 06/08/2026 23:00

He isn't interested in talking to you, just your services over the phone. Raise your bar.

He isn't a 'boyfriend', he's a dirty old man using you as wank fodder.

Get rid of him and get some self-respect.

ImmortalSnowman · 06/08/2026 23:08

chipsandcurrysaucewithpickles · 06/08/2026 23:05

He isn't a 'boyfriend', he's a dirty old man using you as wank fodder.

Get rid of him and get some self-respect.

Show quote history

Think you meant to quote @itsonlycaba

Completely agree with your assessment.

chipsandcurrysaucewithpickles · 06/08/2026 23:09

ImmortalSnowman · 06/08/2026 23:08

Think you meant to quote @itsonlycaba

Completely agree with your assessment.

Show quote history

Whoops sorry, wrong poster.

Original poster
itsonlycaba · 06/08/2026 23:17

Must add.. I like this idea so not upset with idea at all

OP posts:
BauhausOfEliott · 06/08/2026 23:19

I’ve no idea about your boyfriend as your account isn’t really clear enough for me to trust the accuracy of it.

Your post does give the impression of someone who is very drunk, which is unlikely to improve your mood. If you were one of my friends I’d be telling you to drink some water, go to bed and then if you want to talk to your boyfriend tomorrow, message him tomorrow afternoon when you’re sober.

Gooseling · 06/08/2026 23:27

If you need your partner to contact you every single day to feel secure then you need to improve your self esteem.

Also, being pissed up and posting on Mumsnet never ends well.

Original poster
itsonlycaba · 06/08/2026 23:35

I dont need contact. I enjoy it . My self esteem is absolutely fine !

OP posts:
Gooseling · 06/08/2026 23:36

itsonlycaba · 06/08/2026 23:35

I dont need contact. I enjoy it . My self esteem is absolutely fine !

Then what’s the issue then?

BauhausOfEliott · Yesterday 00:53

Why are people on this thread acting as if consensual phone sex is a) something perverted and b) not something a woman could ever possibly enjoy?! The OP has said she wanted to do it. Why are people assuming the man is the only one with a libido and that the woman cannot possibly be keen to her rocks off too?

It’s a very ordinary thing that people in long distance relationships have been doing for decades, probably ever since phone lines became private rather than shared.

If it’s not for you, that’s fine, but it’s odd to say that a bloke is ‘a dirty old man‘ for suggesting a very ordinary sexual activity to a woman he’s having a sexual relationship with, and which is something she’s already indicated she enjoys.

Mumsnet is so bloody weird about sex sometimes.

ohsosomething · Yesterday 01:16

@itsonlycaba he’s hoping you’ll be in a better mood by Saturday. He obviously doesn’t want to listen to your woes between now and then. He’s hoping the offer of phone sex may cheer you up enough ready for the next chat.

mamajong · Yesterday 01:57

I think you are massively overthinking, you have spoken today and youll speak on saturday - you are on holiday with your kids, focus on them, you shouldn't need to speak every single day surely? Alcohol is a depressant so if you are already low its probably not helping. Also if you havd had a bit of a moan today as feeling flat etc maybe he wants a wee break - i would find it tough listening to someone moan about their kids every day - do you havd another friend you can chat to?

chipsandcurrysaucewithpickles · Yesterday 05:22

@BauhausOfEliott "a very ordinary sexual activity" well maybe to you but not to everyone.

"Mumsnet is so bloody weird about sex sometimes."

No, there are some people on MN who are "bloody weird about sex" and I for one, don't want to hear about their problems with their sordid sex lives.

Stop 'dishing out corn with your skip'.

ImmortalSnowman · Yesterday 12:42

Not at all @BauhausOfEliott, the issue here is OP said she was feeling low and his response was to say not to talk to him tomorrow (today) but to send him "anticipation" and have phonesex on Saturday. He doesn't care, he just wants the exciting sexual part.

liveforsummer · Yesterday 12:45

So while I agree with most others you don’t and are happy for the call to go ahead. You can just say to him that the idea of building anticipation doesn’t work for you atm as you’re feeling a bit down and would really like to speak to him today too

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