AIBU to be irritated that my husband treats me like the default parent and bank?

“I’ve tried raising this, but I’m made to feel unreasonable or overly controlling.”

From the OP. The There We Are Then thread STBXH called that OP “controlling” if she said they couldn’t afford his tattoos (or any time she asked him not to do everything he wanted, when he wanted). I think this OP may have a similar There We Are Then problem.

'controlling' - is this the word he has used? The problem with women breadwinners is that we are so desperate to not be 'controlling' that we let ourselves be completely walked over. If he wants more money, he pulls his weight, simple.

Have you ever asked him if he is embarrassed to be like this? His net contribution is less than zero. How he can look himself in the eye in the mirror is beyond me.

OP, if you haven't asked him, ask him tonight if he is embarrassed.

Fuck this, what a cheeky cunt! I wonder if ‘men’ like this have any dignity at all, so he’s living off you basically all his money is fun money and he still can’t see the end of the month🤮 flakey dad at best, no respect for your job and working hours that provides him with shelter and food wow what a tit. At least you know you can afford everything alone and by the sounds of things parent alone too! Cocklodger will have to go back full time and pay bills like a big boy, aw didums! Car keys get hidden along with the credit card, cut the scrounging bastard off what a fucking cheek!

hours of silence & avoidance sounds like a good outcome, maybe carry on in the same sort of way, generally refusing all the perks he has come to expect, when he ignores you just carry on as if he's not there.
Hopefully eventually he'll go of his own accord

Hi. Firstly, you sound like a saint who is in a difficult position. Secondly, you don’t need to hide your credit card. Go on your card app and just freeze it. Then, when you want to use it, unfreeze it until you have bought what you need, then freeze it again. That way, if he has it on his Google or Apple Pay, it will not work for him.
Thirdly, please kick him out. He’s a loser and is clearly not worthy of a lovely person like you.
Unless he owns the house outright, giving him the boot should not be complicated.

PS, can I join the queue for potential part-time worker, child minder, holiday booker, home sorter-outer etc. and can I bring my dog. Love the idea of co-habiting women and outsourcing the sex bit.

What are you waiting for? This man is using you!

I’d be tempted to open a joint account with him, give him the debit card, and transfer in £10 per week, under the reference of Pocket Money. “No darling, you can’t have my CC…I’ve already transferred over your pocket money for the week.” If he wants to act like a 5 yo, then treat him like one.

Excellent stuff, OP!

Are you actually sure he didn't want to buy stuff for himself?

You just need to start by telling him. Or by speaking to a solicitor to find out where you stand legally. As he does some of the childcare now, you will likely need to either try and amicably arrange, or attend mediation, to work out what to do regarding childcare and housing. Doesn’t sound like you will financially struggle if you already cover everything, but assuming you are in England all assets will probably need to be split. Unless one of you will be the primary caregiver to your children. But get professional advice. The sooner you start, the sooner you can rebuild yourself, without subsidising him

I cannot imagine getting to marriage, nevermind three children with a man like this. And certainly he would be gone if he changed into this.

Please yes, start using the word NO a lot more.

The amount of foolish intelligent Woman who are dickmatised, is unbelievable!

Why is he part time. Its not to be the primary carer if he's just swanning off with friends and leaving you with the children while you are supposed to be at work.
Obviously if he was doing what he was supposed to be doing, money should be shared, which includes access to the family finances. But that's not what is happening here. He's taking the piss .

YABU for going along with it, facilitating his bullshit and then moaning about it.

He's an entitled twat.

Does he contribute towards your household expenses or children at all?

Sounds like he has previously run up debt, and now only working part time to cover some of his personal expenses, then using your money when he runs out (which otherwise would be more debt I guess)?

Andy any justification for being part time to watch the kids is minimised as he’s leaving them with you when working, so he can socialise.

He is incredibly selfish and offering nothing to your family. You definitely sound better off without him. Next time he asks for your card, the answer is no! Maybe keep a little cash at home, so if its an important family expense, you can give him £10 with ‘that should cover it’ and no more chasing to get your credit card back!

I read a really good quote the other day, something along the lines of men buying their leisure time with their wives' exhaustion. This is exactly what your husband is doing here.
What a brass neck he has on him, he really is taking the piss.

Do his mates buy your DC presents as I would be very much doubting they do and this won’t be the reason either way I would be not letting him anywhere near your CC and hiding your car keys

😂😂😂

I needed that laugh, thanks!!