WIBU to say something about this?

confusedgrl · 2026-08-06T20:43:00+00:00

I am currently in the process of leaving my role, around halfway through a 6 month notice period. I have been with my company for nearly 10 years. I’m experiencing a personal issue at the mo and I emailed HR about this last week. The person I have been liaising with responded very supportively and also took me aside at work earlier this week to reassure me my issue is being taken seriously and the company is there to support me etc. However, earlier today I was showing my boss how to do something on his computer and saw on his other screen the HR person had sent him my email and said they intended to respond that they didn’t care and that my issue was not the company’s problem. They then sent me the email about supporting me! I found this somewhat hurtful given I have been with the company for a very long time, and also strange as the HR person specifically went out of their way to reassure me that they/the company intended to support me in my issue during my last few months at the company. I am good friends with my boss but wondered whether it would be a good idea to raise this with him or just to act like it didn’t happen. I’m not friends with the HR person but thought we had a normal professional relationship, we get on fine and usually chat if we bump into each other. wwyd?

wals · 06/08/2026 23:39

this is rubbish. Very two faced. I guess it's harder to judge without knowing more about the nature of the issue. Was it against your boss?

I would bring this up yes

Original poster

confusedgrl · Yesterday 07:49

wals · 06/08/2026 23:39

this is rubbish. Very two faced. I guess it's harder to judge without knowing more about the nature of the issue. Was it against your boss?

I would bring this up yes

Sorry to be vague I just know some of my colleagues are on MN and know I use it.

I’m having a surgery which coincides with leaving my current role and starting my new one. It will mean I have to miss a few weeks of work. I’m trying to work out the logistics of leaving so I’m not between roles when I have the surgery as I will lose out on income in that period.

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NotAnotherScarf · Yesterday 07:56

I'd actually go.to the head of hr and ask them outright about it. What have you got to lose...you're leaving.

Pull them on it as its crap. If they don't care thats fine...in truth they don't have to its an outside event that is beyond their control. But a decent employer would care.

The two faced bit is so unprofessional.

Yoheresthestory · Yesterday 08:11

Actually I think the problem here is that you had to be dealt with professionally, and your boss got the informal translation. You essentially saw a private conversation you had no right to see.

Id leave it. You’d be naive to think HR cares when it’s not in the company interests AND worse, you’re already leaving. It really is your problem but HR can never actually say that to you.

Original poster

confusedgrl · Yesterday 08:42

NotAnotherScarf · Yesterday 07:56

I'd actually go.to the head of hr and ask them outright about it. What have you got to lose...you're leaving.

Pull them on it as its crap. If they don't care thats fine...in truth they don't have to its an outside event that is beyond their control. But a decent employer would care.

The two faced bit is so unprofessional.

I’m debating it, just don’t want it to affect my relationship with my boss as technically I read the email on his screen, it wasn’t intended for me to see. We are friends outside of work also.

I’d ideally like to start my new job sooner so I can be on sick leave for the surgery, which my current role doesn’t offer! I know I could use this as a way out as I don’t feel comfortable there anymore. But again it would leave my boss in a bad situation.

I know my personal life is not the company’s problem but I was hoping for some empathy and understanding after working for them for such a long time. Then again, this is the same person who, when a close family member passed away abruptly, told me they were sorry for my loss but I would need to be back at work the next day!

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Original poster

confusedgrl · Yesterday 08:44

Yoheresthestory · Yesterday 08:11

Actually I think the problem here is that you had to be dealt with professionally, and your boss got the informal translation. You essentially saw a private conversation you had no right to see.

Id leave it. You’d be naive to think HR cares when it’s not in the company interests AND worse, you’re already leaving. It really is your problem but HR can never actually say that to you.

Yes this is what is giving me pause. I know it wasn’t intended for me to see. I am just a bit puzzled as to why the HR person said they would be telling me they didn’t care and it’s not the company’s problem but then said the opposite to me both via email and in person!

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gamerchick · Yesterday 08:47

Yoheresthestory · Yesterday 08:11

Actually I think the problem here is that you had to be dealt with professionally, and your boss got the informal translation. You essentially saw a private conversation you had no right to see.

Id leave it. You’d be naive to think HR cares when it’s not in the company interests AND worse, you’re already leaving. It really is your problem but HR can never actually say that to you.

Yes and that's her bosses fault wasn't it? Is boss incompetent or was it left there deliberately?

Backedoffhackedoff · Yesterday 08:49

I would leave it. What would be the outcome you would want? All that could happen is the person will be spoken to about putting things in writing and if they’re senior it won’t even be that, it’ll be “oh fuck I feel terrible she saw it”

the HR person is just a person. The company have put sympathetic policies in place that they’re following and that’s the company you’ve worked for for 10 years. The company have come through for you. But one of their employees isn’t that nice. It’s just the way it goes. The employee is still putting the corporate face on

Shedmistress · Yesterday 08:49

The boss probably responded to say 'we can't do that'.

I'd leave it. You are leaving and getting the period off paid are you? It is no skin off your nose if you ultimately get what you want.

NotAnotherScarf · Yesterday 09:21

confusedgrl · Yesterday 08:42

I’m debating it, just don’t want it to affect my relationship with my boss as technically I read the email on his screen, it wasn’t intended for me to see. We are friends outside of work also.

I’d ideally like to start my new job sooner so I can be on sick leave for the surgery, which my current role doesn’t offer! I know I could use this as a way out as I don’t feel comfortable there anymore. But again it would leave my boss in a bad situation.

I know my personal life is not the company’s problem but I was hoping for some empathy and understanding after working for them for such a long time. Then again, this is the same person who, when a close family member passed away abruptly, told me they were sorry for my loss but I would need to be back at work the next day!

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Some hr people really suited to the job and understand the rules, legislation and how to interpret them to suit everything.

Others are prats!

Original poster

confusedgrl · Yesterday 09:59

Shedmistress · Yesterday 08:49

The boss probably responded to say 'we can't do that'.

I'd leave it. You are leaving and getting the period off paid are you? It is no skin off your nose if you ultimately get what you want.

So I'm leaving and the surgery is scheduled for the day after my last day at my current place, so will delay my start date at my new place. It doesn't make sense to start at the new place and go on sick leave from day 1 so I'll need to have a few weeks between the jobs unpaid. This is the issue I raised with HR who said they don't care (behind my back).

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Original poster

confusedgrl · Yesterday 10:00

gamerchick · Yesterday 08:47

Yes and that's her bosses fault wasn't it? Is boss incompetent or was it left there deliberately?

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I think neither. He was asking me how to use a specific software which he had up on one screen. He had Outlook open on the other screen, the email itself wasn't open but I could read the message preview in the list down the side and then saw the subject line was 'FW: [My email]' so I knew it was about me.

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Shedmistress · Yesterday 10:03

confusedgrl · Yesterday 09:59

So I'm leaving and the surgery is scheduled for the day after my last day at my current place, so will delay my start date at my new place. It doesn't make sense to start at the new place and go on sick leave from day 1 so I'll need to have a few weeks between the jobs unpaid. This is the issue I raised with HR who said they don't care (behind my back).

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I do not understand why you think them not caring is a problem. They are allowed to not care about people after they leave.

This is a nothing burger. Honestly.

Original poster

confusedgrl · Yesterday 10:10

Shedmistress · Yesterday 10:03

I do not understand why you think them not caring is a problem. They are allowed to not care about people after they leave.

This is a nothing burger. Honestly.

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It's not that it's a problem necessarily, I know that my employer doesn't have to care about my personal circumstances. I just found it strange that the HR person has been so two faced about it all really.

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ApplePieCinamon · Yesterday 10:32

Op don’t you know HR always is for the company not employee.

iamnotalemon · Yesterday 11:04

It’s unfortunate about the timing of the surgery, but I’m not surprised they are not happy about it happening during your notice period as I suspect your new job wouldn’t be happy if it happened once you just started.

You mentioned it was the same person who had little understanding when a close family member died, so it’s hardly surprising. I’m not saying it’s correct.

Original poster

confusedgrl · Yesterday 11:31

iamnotalemon · Yesterday 11:04

It’s unfortunate about the timing of the surgery, but I’m not surprised they are not happy about it happening during your notice period as I suspect your new job wouldn’t be happy if it happened once you just started.

You mentioned it was the same person who had little understanding when a close family member died, so it’s hardly surprising. I’m not saying it’s correct.

It's not happening during my notice period, it's scheduled on the day after my last day here.

My new employer wants me to start straight away and knows about the surgery. I was basically saying to HR my preference would be to leave my current role a little sooner than my 6 month notice period so I can start at the new place, work there for around a month, then take the time I need for my surgery as sick leave.

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Nearly50omg · Yesterday 11:39

what would they do if you just left and didn’t give them the full 6 month notice? I’ve never heard of a business caring enough to take anyone to court over this!

Original poster

confusedgrl · Yesterday 12:26

Nearly50omg · Yesterday 11:39

what would they do if you just left and didn’t give them the full 6 month notice? I’ve never heard of a business caring enough to take anyone to court over this!

i don't think they would do anything really. i just don't want to leave my boss in the lurch as i know if i suddenly left it would make things difficult for him. i think i have reasonable grounds now not to work my notice period but then i will have to admit to seeing the email!

just to make things even stranger HR person saw boss and i getting coffee together in a local coffee shop this morning and decided to join us without any sort of invitation and then sparked up a conversation. really weird!

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