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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to worry my housebound FIL cannot manage a cat?

15 replies

Notgoodatpickingusernames · 06/08/2026 21:36

FIL lost MIL recently. He's basically housebound and needs a lot of support to go to medical appointments, around the house etc. Physically very immobile (needs wheelchair when out, walking frame indoors) and in a lot of pain. Very suddenly has decided that getting a cat will be the solution to his loneliness. We've raised concerns about how he will manage with the practicalities like food/water for the cat, litter tray, letting cat in and out as there's nowhere suitable for a cat flap, how will he clear up cat sick/fur balls, clearing up if the cat brings in a dead bird etc but he's stubbornly decided this is what he's going to do.

Because it has so suddenly become a definite thing, I'm genuinely left wondering whether I'm the unreasonable one and perhaps this could be the solution to his loneliness.

However, I am genuinely concerned about how he will cope given that bending, lifting, etc is near impossible so how will he even be managing to feed the cat, put water down etc. When his dog was alive, we would be the ones having to go round and fill up the water bowl for example.

We've made it clear that we won't be taking on any duties or responsibilities in relation to the cat (our lives are busy and stressful enough with our own household/children/pets and existing commitments) but I fear that when the time comes it will be hard or impossible to say no as at the end of the day we love FIL and would end up stepping in to help.

You are being unreasonable - Let him get the cat as it will likely all be fine.
You are not being unreasonable - A cat will be a disaster and you will be the one left picking up the responsibility.

OP posts:
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NormasArse · 06/08/2026 23:05

Victorius19 · 06/08/2026 21:48

If he can't put food out/water down, he shouldn't have a cat. I used to work in elderly care at home, and it used to make me grit my teeth seeing animals neglected because of a frail/immobile owner. It's cruel, and it's unnecessary.

Cats can jump, so he could have a table with food and water on it for them.

Elieza · 06/08/2026 23:04

could he be a volunteer rehomer?

ie he would be given a cat for a while while it’s advertised for sale until it’s new owners reserved paid and the charity collected and delivered to its new owner.

hed have cat company and the charity people coming by. plus no vet fees or costs of any sort. and the cat would live in. no going out. Hed have to clean it’s tray out though.

cakeisallyouneed · 06/08/2026 22:53

How is he going to actually get a cat? Rescues can be quite strict. And how is he going to get to the rescue centre to collect it or go out to buy all the bits and bobs? If he expecting you to drive him round to do all this and you’ve said no to anything cat related then this idea isn’t going to go anywhere.

Notgoodatpickingusernames · 06/08/2026 22:22

Victorius19 · 06/08/2026 21:48

If he can't put food out/water down, he shouldn't have a cat. I used to work in elderly care at home, and it used to make me grit my teeth seeing animals neglected because of a frail/immobile owner. It's cruel, and it's unnecessary.

That's exactly one of my worries! We are a household of cat lovers so we wouldn't let this happen so would end up stepping in to help and that is what we've tried to explain to him that it's really hard for us to take on the additional responsibility of this.

OP posts:
Iizzyb · 06/08/2026 22:21

you can get a litter tray that is automatic and only needs emptying weekly plus you can get an automatic cat feeder for dry cat food that will last days.

however if the cat needs the vet (which it will from time to time) you’ll be stuck doing all of that.

DM decided not to get another cat when hers was PTS because it was just too much for me & dsis once DM couldn’t drive anymore. It’s hard & I feel guilty sometimes but we all have our limits. That was mine but DM recognised that so didn’t even ask what we thought

I think FIL is unfair doing this given the impact it looks likely to have on you

Notgoodatpickingusernames · 06/08/2026 22:20

RunningNananananananananana · 06/08/2026 21:39

What's his financial situation? Can he afford to have a pet sitter pop in each day/ every other day to sort the litter tray out? (Edit sorry missed the bit about the dogs water, so that would have to be daily)

Would he be rehoming an older cat that may require more frequent vet visits etc...?

Edited

Probably could afford it but would think it is "expensive" as doesn't like to pay for taxis as they are considered expensive and instead expects lifts from family members.
And yes, likely to be a rehomed older cat.

OP posts:
caringcarer · 06/08/2026 22:01

Victorius19 · 06/08/2026 21:48

If he can't put food out/water down, he shouldn't have a cat. I used to work in elderly care at home, and it used to make me grit my teeth seeing animals neglected because of a frail/immobile owner. It's cruel, and it's unnecessary.

You can get long handled feeders so no need to bend as can feed cat on worktop then put feeder on floor using long handle.

caringcarer · 06/08/2026 21:59

Cats are wonderful company for a person alone. As he's older try to persuade him not to get a kitten but to tehome an older cat that will likely be quieter and love a loving home.

caringcarer · 06/08/2026 21:57

You can get double cat bowls for food and water with a long handle. No need for bending to feed. He could have a cat water fountain so would only have to deal with feeding. A person could pop by every other day to do fresh litter tray for cat. If the cat goes outdoors hlit might toilet outside. We have a sand mound in corner of our garden and our cats go there. DH just figs it over at the weekend and adds fresh sand on top hence sand mound.

nopiesleftinthisvehicle · 06/08/2026 21:57

Apart from everything else, cats can live 20 years plus.

It would be cruel to an ageing cat to be left in a rescue centre 😔

Victorius19 · 06/08/2026 21:48

If he can't put food out/water down, he shouldn't have a cat. I used to work in elderly care at home, and it used to make me grit my teeth seeing animals neglected because of a frail/immobile owner. It's cruel, and it's unnecessary.

Octavia64 · 06/08/2026 21:44

I use a wheelchair outside the house and am
in pain.

i have three cats and I love them dearly.

HumberSquid · 06/08/2026 21:43

Do you have anyother ideas to combat his loneliness? Because a cat doesn't seem like a terrible idea to me if he can get some help with it. Could he not pay someone to come in once a day to help with its care?
Feeding bowls and litter tray dont haveto be floor level if bending is an issue.

Doveyouknow · 06/08/2026 21:43

Could he manage if the cat bowls / litter tray were raised so he doesn't need bend down? There is no reason they need to be on the floor. Might solve some of this issues if bending down is the main problem.

RunningNananananananananana · 06/08/2026 21:39

What's his financial situation? Can he afford to have a pet sitter pop in each day/ every other day to sort the litter tray out? (Edit sorry missed the bit about the dogs water, so that would have to be daily)

Would he be rehoming an older cat that may require more frequent vet visits etc...?