AIBU to be torn between more pay and more time

CliffScreen · 2026-08-06T17:14:49+00:00

I’m early 30s and I have 2 boys under 3. My husband has recently got a business in the field we both did our degrees in. From January he’s given me 2 choices: I either work 2 days a week and get paid pro rata 50k and the kids go to nursery those 2 days (they already go the 2 days 8-4pm) Or I work 2.5 days but he will pay me for 3 days work pro rata and the kids go to nursery those 3 days. The difference is I’ll have around £400 more each month with option 2 but a day less with the kids. Nursery wise as it’s still within their funded hours it’ll work out to around £50 between us for the extra day. Not sure which would work out better for me? We live comfortably enough and put money into investments etc

BoxOfCats · 06/08/2026 18:16

Why is your husband the one proposing the options here? You’re a family. What works best for all of you?

dibbledibbledibble · 06/08/2026 18:17

Er - he’s given you these choices?

What do you want to do?

I think we need to rewind a bit first?!

plims · 06/08/2026 18:19

Why does your DH get to say what your choices are?

Original poster

CliffScreen · 06/08/2026 18:20

dibbledibbledibble · 06/08/2026 18:17

Er - he’s given you these choices?

What do you want to do?

I think we need to rewind a bit first?!

No sorry I mean they’re just
options to make it easier for me. He knows I don’t want to work more than part time and it’ll be better to work in his business as we’re both qualified in it.
He’s said I can either work 2 days and get the pro rata pay for those 2 days or work 2.5 days and get pro rata for 3 days work but the kids go nursery for an extra day then

Im not sure how I feel about the trade off

OP posts:

TokyoSushi · 06/08/2026 18:21

Putting aside who is calling the shots here, option 2 seems to give you half a day to yourself which sounds appealing?

Mosaic80 · 06/08/2026 18:22

It does read a bit more like he’s a boss offering you a job rather than a family making a choice together? Do you not share finances?

that aside, I’d go for the 2.5 days and take the extra 0.5 day for yourself or to get errands done child free. I found 3 days a week ideal as I still had 4 days a week with dc and the 3 days (I did Tues, weds, Friday) worked well meaning there wasn’t a huge stretch at home with me during the week where she wasn’t used to nursery and became unsettled.

Marroon · 06/08/2026 18:22

So your DH doesn’t share money with you at all?
If you’re worried about having one less day with the kids why would you need to put them in nursery 3 days anyway? They could just stay home.
The whole thing is weird really, your DH giving you 2 choices and dictating your life. Bizarre.

clownstomyleft · 06/08/2026 18:23

I mean if you take the second option you're effectively being paid to do whatever you want for half a day a week? Sounds like you get the benefit of time and money!

clownstomyleft · 06/08/2026 18:25

You could even pick the kids up from nursery at lunchtime on the 3rd day if you wanted (spoiler, you won't)

KentnotClarke · 06/08/2026 18:35

How would the dc feel what's best for them

Betadelta · 06/08/2026 18:49

Working 2.5 days and being paid for 3 sounds like a win!

ohsosomething · 06/08/2026 18:52

CliffScreen · 06/08/2026 18:20

No sorry I mean they’re just
options to make it easier for me. He knows I don’t want to work more than part time and it’ll be better to work in his business as we’re both qualified in it.
He’s said I can either work 2 days and get the pro rata pay for those 2 days or work 2.5 days and get pro rata for 3 days work but the kids go nursery for an extra day then

Im not sure how I feel about the trade off

Show quote history

Can you not work 2.5 days and collect your kids at lunchtime and enjoy the perk of being paid for 3 days?

Colourfulfairylights · 06/08/2026 19:21

This is a really strange set up. If you work less hours then while your salary may be £400 less a month, that's money not paid out of the family business? So the family business would still have that kind of money available so if you needed it you'd have it?

Are you a company owner? If not why not? If I was going into business with my DH I'd want to be an owner with the option of dividends not just someone on the payroll. If you're just going to be an employee, go do it somewhere else so you're eggs aren't all in one basket.

I can't believe you're negotiating your pay and working hours like you'd do with a normal employer - he's your husband. You sit down and come up with the best plan for your family and work out how much the family needs and what's the best way to take that out the company surely.

Pistachiocake · 06/08/2026 19:22

You haven't really explained which you think could be unreasonable. As you want opinions, take the time with the kids-you'll never get that back.

BudgetBuster · 06/08/2026 19:23

CliffScreen · 06/08/2026 18:20

No sorry I mean they’re just
options to make it easier for me. He knows I don’t want to work more than part time and it’ll be better to work in his business as we’re both qualified in it.
He’s said I can either work 2 days and get the pro rata pay for those 2 days or work 2.5 days and get pro rata for 3 days work but the kids go nursery for an extra day then

Im not sure how I feel about the trade off

Show quote history

Why is it HIS business and not BOTH YOUR BUSINESS.

That's the real question you need to be asking. Pay is slightly irrelevant as the money will still be either in your pocket or in the business pocket if you ever needed it.

Original poster

CliffScreen · 06/08/2026 20:58

Colourfulfairylights · 06/08/2026 19:21

This is a really strange set up. If you work less hours then while your salary may be £400 less a month, that's money not paid out of the family business? So the family business would still have that kind of money available so if you needed it you'd have it?

Are you a company owner? If not why not? If I was going into business with my DH I'd want to be an owner with the option of dividends not just someone on the payroll. If you're just going to be an employee, go do it somewhere else so you're eggs aren't all in one basket.

I can't believe you're negotiating your pay and working hours like you'd do with a normal employer - he's your husband. You sit down and come up with the best plan for your family and work out how much the family needs and what's the best way to take that out the company surely.

This wasn’t a normal business acquisition.
Basically he had to do year long assessments and business plans and presentations and then he passed all of them to then be given the chance to buy a franchise from someone selling.
I couldn’t be co owner as I haven’t done any of the assessments and don’t think I can anyway as it was gruelling and with 2 young kids my priority is them.
The franchise model is such that only someone who passed all plans and assessments can be named on the franchise- of course when business makes profits we as a family will all benefit but for work purposes my days are either 2 days or 2.5 days a week.

OP posts:

rwalker · 06/08/2026 21:06

My god people have got so excited about DH rather than answering the question

any business needs to know staff hours and budget irrespective so that’s why he’s given OP those choices

My wife has a small business and it’s absolutely nothing to do with me it there equivalent of her job

2.5 sounds good but what’s the reality of it being 2.5 if there was a glut of work or he was behind would you be expected to make that 3 days would be my only concern

watchingheroesagain · Yesterday 00:04

Take the 2.5 days And enjoy the half day to yourself or pick up your kids early if you want to.

Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · Yesterday 00:20

watchingheroesagain · Yesterday 00:04

Take the 2.5 days And enjoy the half day to yourself or pick up your kids early if you want to.

I was going to suggest this

They will still be at home more than at nursery

Is there flexibility to drop down to 2 day if it's not working?

MrsMoastyToasty · Yesterday 00:29

Send the kids to nursery gor 3 days, work for 2.5 days.
Use the half day for appointments, big food shop, household admin etc.
Review in a year/once they DC start school.