Will housing association help me move due to severe mental health issues?

The wait is very long, even those homeless and sofa surfing have a lot wait so I wouldn't put your hopes on it.

Is there a reason you cant rent privately? Im not sure if ive missed it but is your current place HA?

If you do your mums medication and you are closeby, what will happen if by a miracle you get a house with a garden
.. it is likely to be much further away.

With lists being so long you have more chance of getting your symptoms under control, ive known people on the list for 10 years and still ranking low on the auction system.

Im not trying to be mean by the way, just realistic and I hope you manage to control the panic attacks in time, it must be awful.

I don't understand your condition OP so apologies if this is not appropriate - if you can walk from your front door to the car, could you just stand outside your front door for a few minutes each day and potentially extend that time. Just to become comfortable with being outside but with no pressure to go anywhere?

Just curious how do you & your children exercise if you dont go outside ?

Walk
Bicycle
Swim
Play

Tomorrow, go for a walk with your husband.

What is stopping you? Your husband will be there.
Can you for for a walk to the shop for a chocolate bar?

I agree that you are focusing on the wrong issue. Even if you did manage to move it might make things worse longer term because it means you won't have the same level of incentive to e.g. take kids to the park.

Can you come up with tiny steps to work towards. Take something you can do and then add on a tiny bit extra over time. For example challenge yourself to see if you can stand outside the car one day at nursery, one step away from car, a few steps etc.

Also - have you had bloods done? Low vitamin d can make anxiety worse, perimenopause, low iron etc all worth considering.

Anxiety is quite common for AuDHD. Did you get screened for autism too?

I agree that you are focusing on the wrong issue. Even if you did manage to move it might make things worse longer term because it means you won't have the same level of incentive to e.g. take kids to the park.

Can you come up with tiny steps to work towards. Take something you can do and then add on a tiny bit extra over time. For example challenge yourself to see if you can stand outside the car one day at nursery, one step away from car, a few steps etc.

Also - have you had bloods done? Low vitamin d can make anxiety worse, perimenopause, low iron etc all worth considering.

Anxiety is quite common for AuDHD. Did you get screened for autism too?

You could try mutual exchange to see if any other tenants elsewhere will swap. You might find there is an older single tenant with a house and garden who wants a flat like yours if the garden has got too much for them. But don't bank on help to get another tenancy of a different property from your current landlord as your housing needs seems to have been met, albeit not ideal from your point of view..

Meanwhile is you mum or husband able to take your children to a local park a couple of times a week? Or does your mum have a garden the children could play in for a couple of hours?

Are there any organisations you could speak to to take your children out? Action for children (former children's centres), home start, we also have a few independent organisations locally that support people who need help.

Can you talk to social services?

Can I check what you do for work (if you are currently working) only you mention having your own business with your husband? Is there a way you can do more on that side of things so he can spend an hour a day taking the children to the park? (Assuming this business can be done to some extent online and you take over that side of things).

Well, you know something can be the truth and you also don't have to say it right?

The OP has literally started this thread because she wants to change things, so you aren't telling her anything she doesn't already know.

So what's the purpose of your comment? Just to kick her while she's down?

You clearly have NO idea what agoraphobia can be like if you think going to the park is an easier option 🤦‍♀️

That wasn't my intention.

Can your husbands family take your children out for a walk?

OP, I think you are seeing a move to somewhere with a garden as a magic solution but I don't think it necessarily will be - you might be further away from the nursery so might struggle more with getting your child there, you might have to move nurseries and your one at the moment sounds supportive, you might end up with horrible neighbours so are swopping one problem for another, and if you move areas you might have to swop to a new MH support team. I know it feels hopeless now, but I think you're better focusing on your recovery. I've also had agoraphobia and it is recoverable from. Have you told your treatment team how low and desperate you are feeling? They need to know.

I've no idea if the council/HA can help. Everything sounds great apart from a lack of garden. Good location, mum across the road, kids at a decent school and no issues with the neighbours.

Be careful for what you wish for. After summer is done, your kids could be stuck indoors as a result of torrential rain. You could have the neighbours from hell, a crap school or further to travel etc etc etc.

If your kids are happy focus on your treatment and aim to get better. I really hope things improve for you.

It sounds like you’re putting all your hopes into getting a property with a garden, and that will make everything okay. Sadly, it won’t. As others have said, you could have awful neighbours and no garden is worth that. The best course of action is to stay in your lovely flat and continue treatment or explore other treatments for your mental health issues. I wish you well.

It is the truth

Sorry, I don't see how the stress of moving then potentially dealing with bad neighbours will help, the OP has all her hopes pinned on a garden but can't even get out of the car!

Why not visit a local park?

Surely to god going for a walk with a 11 month old is easier than sitting in a flat

OP knows this is an issue and she's trying to fix it.
Comments like this are not helpful

So for 5 days a week your 11 month old doesn't get any fresh air?

You are so clearly suffering. The meds aren’t working for you. Time for a review of those. Maybe ask if the GP has any other suggestions. You’ll need to sort this before your eldest starts school.

You need to get in touch with your local front door children’s service. If you had a difficult childhood, which might have involved social workers, I can understand your resistance to this, but they are honestly there to help. They can offer you support and maybe take your children out so you don’t feel so guilty.
I, as a mental health social worker, have very little clout with housing. If I wrote a letter of your needs, housing would say ‘well there’s loads of people with your conditions, they cant all have flats with gardens’. And that’s the truth.
Your best bet, as everyone has said, is to try really hard to get yourself out there. Baby steps. What is it that you worried about? Helping identify what is behind the anxiety will help you to understand and rationalise your fears.
It’s a response to trauma.
Once your body has learnt to protect itself by shutting down, or avoiding, it’s hard to start again but you can retrain your brain. I’ve seen it happen.

Otherwise, even if you get the garden, what’s the long term plan? You feel too anxious to go to sports days, end of year plays, holidays, that feeling of ‘I’m letting my kids down’ will continue with every milestone you miss.
You’re giving yourself a hard time. You are not hopeless. You can develop the skills to get through this. The tenacity you show in trying to get a garden shows you want things to be better. It won’t be easy but work with your mental health team, find out if you can have a care act assessment to identify support to help you or work with a social prescriber to really give it everything.
The power is really in your hands, you have the ability to change your story. Take back control.

I work in a Housing adjacent job in local government.
Put bluntly, in my experience the problem will move with you. I have seen time and time again people with severe mental health issues putting all their hopes in the fact that a change , be it a garden, an upstairs flat, a move away from a certain neighbour etc etc will solve their issues. It never does, they just refocus their anxiety elsewhere.
Our council would not move you on these grounds. We would expect you to explore mutual exchanges or private rental to facilitate it.
Unfortunately, given the chronic underfunding of local government, it’s just about all they can do to house people full stop, obliging people in situations like yours is just not possible.
Our waiting list for people in band C properties is circa 10 years.
We just don’t have the housing stock to juggle people around unless you are, for example, a newly disabled wheelchair user in a top floor flat, and even then it’s not instant.
Im sorry for your troubles but I agree with PPs who say please try and get as much support and therapy to help you deal with your conditions as that is probably the faster and healthier way out of your situation.

You sound like you are in the worst of it now @suffering7 but you have recently had a baby so the PND is really pummelling you but it won’t always be this way.

The treatment, as you are experiencing takes time, but it is treatment and in time you will move forward on this.

Can I recommend you follow a guy called Garron Noone on Instagram, he was agoraphobic in his teens and did not leave his home for years and of course he still has his issues, but he is honestly such a tonic - he is just so lovely and so funny but like you he clearly feels the world very deeply which makes his nervous system go Lu la at times.

He played on stage with Luke Combs a few weeks back in front of 80,000 people, not bad for a guy recovering from agoraphobia. I think if you are able to see some success stories it might help you to visualise a path forward for you.

The house thing is probably out of your control and might easily be a distraction and a non runner but getting better really is not.

How will you cope if you move to a flat with a garden but then you have neighbours to deal with. Great if they're lovely neighbours, not so much if you have problem neighbours. The grass is not greener and you love where you are at the moment. Much better to work on being able to get out of the house more.

Are you fully titrated on your ADHD meds? DD3 has ASD, OCD and ADHD. Her OCD was treated and it helped her to participate in daily life at home, but it was only once her ADHD medication was fully titrated that she could start to leave the house without a full panic attack. It still took a lot of work and support, but it gradually improved.

Is there HomeStart in your area? Have you been referred to Social Services for support?

I know it's likely to be frustrating that we are all saying that moving isn't the answer and is unlikely to happen, but it's true.

I understand what it’s like because I’ve been there. Didn’t leave the house for well over a decade.

You can recover. The power is in your hands. But the harsh reality is that you have to push yourself, you have to do the work, put the effort in, put yourself in uncomfortable situations.

A defeatist woe-is-me, everyone would be better off without me attitude will do nothing but keep you ill. Nobody can fix this but you.

Do you have a social worker at all? I'm wondering if, in the short term at least, you would be able to have someone come round once or twice a week who could take the kids out for you?

Getting better is going to take time, keep going with it, the benefits will be so great when you finally get there.

And trust me, your kids are definitely not better off without you.