wanting to move

Perfectly said

Can he not stay in the same school and get the bus?

I would move, sounds like the debt is actually crippling you. That’s all assuming you can sell, it’s an incredibly difficult property market at the moment

I'm not saying that everyone has a hard time, I know plenty of people who moved as kids and made lots of friends at their new school.

I'm only saying that I didn't. And I doubt I'm the only one.

It's a gamble. And if your kid is already happy, then the only options post move are "as happy", or "less happy". So it's a gamble with a crappy payout, unless theres a very compelling reason to do it for the family as a whole.

We moved for work reasons with teenage children. It was tough for them, but ultimately they settled and made friends, and none of them have moved away from the new area as . DD1 has a friend whose parents moved to a new area in her first year at university, and this was actually more unsettling - when she came home for the holidays, she had no friends to see and no attachment to the area.

Ultimately, you need to prioritise what's right for the whole family, not just immediate debt clearance. You need to understand why you're in a credit card debt spiral and make sure that you don't return to square one when it's cleared and you feel (relatively) rich. Will your DS have the same opportunities in the new area? Not just clubs and sports for now, but training or apprenticeships if he chooses? What about college or 6th form options?

I was desperate to move for years, I was really miserable, my husband wanted to move too but he wasn't desperately sad like me. Anyway life happened and we didn't manage to move before our eldest started high school. I always said we had to move before high school as I wouldn't want them to make a load of friends and then have to start again at that age.

Both children are now in high school both have fantastic groups of friends and are very happy and the the thought of moving schools to a totally different part of the country would be horrendous for them and I couldn't bear to do it to them. So I just have to suck it up! Their happiness is more important than mine. I have made the best of where I am, we managed to move to a different village in the same catchment so I am happier. Also as a fully grown adult I can cope with emotional issues better than teenagers can.

Of course there will be teenagers who can cope with it fine. But I know of adults in their 40's who still resent their parents for making them move when they were teenagers.

How comes then that kids who don't move can change to different schools without all their " friends" and be fine.

My daughter was the only one who went to her secondary school from the primary and my son was one of 2 going to the secondary school.

Both were fine. Not sure why it's such a huge deal

Actually I moved in year 8 and soon made new friends

To be honest I wouldn't (and didn't)

My DH and I wanted to move from the area we lived in for a few years. But we held off doing so because, to us, it was more important that our teenage girls were not unsettled during a very important stage of their lives. Our eldest was doing GCSE's and then off to the local college, and her sister was then not far behind.

We put our own wants and needs second as the move we wanted to do would have taken them out of the schools they were comfortable in, with teachers they were happy with and friends that meant a lot to them. For us, we just wouldn't have done that to them.

We waited and when the youngest finally finished and left college and was ready to go to uni we put the house on the market, sold up, and have now moved house.

Yes, we could have just done what we wanted. But we have great relationships with our DD's and didn't want to see either of them unhappy or massively compromised and unsettled because we put ourselves first at a time that would have been hideous for them.

We waited, and in the meantime we spent some time making the house we were in a lovely home and tried to enjoy the positive things about our current home and location. It softened the blow of us having to wait but when we did eventually get our dream, it made it all the more worthwhile and both our DD's hugely appreciated the sacrifice we made.

Can’t either of you get a second or better paying job to pay credit cards?

My advice would be "Don't" then.

We moved across the country when I was 7, and I'm not going to lie, it fucked me up a bit. I had a really good group of friends that I had to leave and I didn't manage to find the same thing in my new school. It took until I was 16 to really find my people again.

I can only imagine it's even more difficult when you're a teenager and are leaving friendships that you might have been building for nearly a decade.

Obviously, there are situations where you absolutely have to move, because it's the only option for the family. But, if he's happy where he is, then I'd really think twice about it if the only reason is a nicer house, a better area, or a slight pay rise.

It isn’t really tough.
You’re asking if you should put paying off credit cards above your child’s stability and happiness.

I agree with your DH. That is the age when teenagers, especially boys, develop strong social bonds and it is a crucial part of development. I think if they are younger it is not so bad , but once they are in secondary school the friend group becomes really important. Can you wait a few years? It sounds like it is a preference not a necessity.

I would stay put until after your son leaves school.

Secondary school years are not the best time to move. That age can be hard enough as it is without a major life upheaval and having to start again with friendships.

People will say that young teenagers move all the time and it is
fine but the truth is that it often has long term consequences for them. It’s just that no one pays much attention or asks about the effect it has had on them. Unless they fall apart completely or have very obvious struggles it is assumed that what the parents wanted was automatically good for the children, but I don’t believe that is true. Teens have no choice but to suck it up and make the best of it, but that doesn’t mean a move away from their established life and friendships is good for them, even if it does work better for the parents.

I agree with your DH.

Then move, you’re the adults making an adult decision.
Don’t torment the child. Be organized and make the event as seamless as possible.

Teenagers move all the time and none of them are particularly excited about it but most settle down quickly and make new friends and adjust well.

Sometimes moving isn’t the right choice, but most of the time the decision needs to be made taking the whole family into account and the greater life quality that will come from it.

I suppose you could move within traveling distance to the same school.
IMO moving is an adult conversation and the child’s opinion although nice to know shouldn’t carry much weight.
The families financial health is important.