AIBU to withdraw from an interview because of a former manager?

Your family need you safe and well. If this role would harm your wellbeing, you've done the right thing, IMHO.

I personally wouldn't have pulled out for a simple reason that, apart from my last job, I have never actually worked directly with the person who interviewed me so I wouldn't automatically assume that the person interviewing is my future line manager.
Also, relationships shift over time. I have two friends, both of whom were my managers at one point. I hated working with both of them, but became friends with them after I left. Turned out, they were brilliant people, we just had very different working styles.

Part of me thinks I’ve protected myself from ending up in another unhappy job

All of me thinks you’ve protected yourself from ending up in another unhappy job.

Youve already withdrawn. Dibt siend energy worrying about something you can do nothing about

Personally i’d have gone ahead and kept one eye out for the next move; it’s easier to move from a job. But you’ve done it now so there’s no point beating yourself up.

I think it depends on how bad it was and how much time has passed. I know there are people I simply wouldn’t work with again and wouldn’t put myself through the interview process with. I also know I’m not the same professionally as I was 5/10 years ago so if enough time had passed I might do the interview and see if I could get a sense of them now, as opposed to how I remembered them.

In saying that, your family need you well, and no job is worth your health so you need to trust your instincts on this one.

Is your ex-manager the hiring manager and due to be the line manager for the role, or is she there just to make up the panel?

If it's just a case of getting through 45 minutes I'd be tempted to go for it, particularly if you think she'd be happy to endorse you, but if you're going to be working for her then that would be a different kettle of fish.

YANBU. There's one manager I would never willingly be in the same room as again, let alone work for. It took me years to recover from her management "style".

Absolutely agree with this. I have a fear that one day I’m going to walk into an interview room and she’ll be there, and I couldn’t actually say whether I’d be able to stop myself from saying ‘I’m sorry but this isn’t going to work, I’m withdrawing my application’.

The thought of conducting an entire interview with her there makes me want to cry!

Completely agree with this. I work in an industry where everyone is connected a d have already made my peace with walking away from any position involving a particular manager I had in the past. You couldn't triple my salary and have me work with him.

I would absolutely say that, eyeballing her, and walk right back out again. Leave her squirming, the evil cow.

I agree with this. Hopefully something better for you will be along very soon.

You’re not being unreasonable, I’d have done the same. Hopefully other opportunities will come up for you.

It doesn't matter what we all think now. You made your decision.

It proves however that your CV and application was good enough to get an interview and so keep looking, something perfect for you all come along soon.

X

YABU, the interview is not a commitment to take the job, that ex-manager may not have much to do with the new role, they could just be part of the hiring process. I'd want to interview to understand more about their structure and ways of working before making that decision.

I have turned up to an interview and was shown to a waiting area, i knew i was going to be interviewed by two people, only k ew the name of one, luckily they both came to collect me, unfortunately one of them was my first manager. He was a slimey, horrible man that made my skin crawl and once tried to lick my face! I apologised to the other one and left. I am sure he did it on purpose to rattle me. So far i have not encountered him again in my career. I would def see withdrawing as the best option for your famuly and your mental health.

I wonder what the person waiting to interview you thought? Had the manager already told people ‘I know her’? Would he have the names in advance? Did he tell the whole office that he used to work with you? How would he explain it without appearing weird?

And the ones where a potential candidate sees an ex manager and leaves the interview? Would they think ‘yeah, I’d do that too if I could’ or what? I’d love to hear their side of it! How awkward would it be? If they had a 30 minute wait for the next candidate what would happen? Would they just go and get a coffee and wait until that manager was out of the room to gossip? The mind boggles!

I drove from London to Birmingham for an interview arranged by a recruitment agency all a bit hush hush top secret, they wouldn't say who the employer was.

In signing up, I was asked was there any company I wouldn't want to work for and I named a company B.
When I arrived I was told it was company B, and that a previous manager of mine was interviewing ( as a young 20 something year old, I'd had to forcibly remove his hand from my knee at a Christmas meal). I said I didn't wish to be interviewed and walked out. What a waste of best part of a day!

If it doesn't feel right it won't work

You should have gone to the interview. Ex manager could be working her notice period for all you know!

How long ago did you work with her? Would she have been your line manager or was she just on the interview panel?

It’s so hard to say; I’m tempted to say for the role I’d have just gone for it and asked who is on the team. However, that said - I’m a big believer in gut instinct, and yours has told you to stay away. Don’t beat yourself up over it.

I can relate to that. My coping mechanism with one was to call her Professor Umbridge and joke that I don't know how I don't have "I must not breathe" on the back of my hand, but much as I joke about it I know I still never want to see her again.

I don't know what she's doing now. Maybe she had some coaching after that job and isn't as bad a manager any more. But enough happened that I couldn't take the chance with her myself again.

There are two managers I would never work for again, so I voted YANBU. Both male to provide balance as I briefly saw a couple of mentions of bad female managers.

I turned down a job offer when I got a bad vibe from the hiring manager. I felt a little off at the first interview so I asked if I could meet him again as I wanted to verify how I felt. I was leaving a job reporting to one of those managers I mentioned above and didn't want to jump out of the frying pan and into the fire. The second interview solidified it for me and when they offered me the job I turned it down. Fortunately I had another offer at the same time and got a much more positive vibe from the people who interviewed me. I loved that job and my manager was great. Trust your gut!

Don't beat yourself up, I think you did the right thing for yourself and your family. You've got a child/children now. You don't want to be stressed at work due to a bad manager.

Just keep looking for other suitable jobs. This was not your one and only chance at furthering your career.

YABU all interview experience is good experience, helps you for your next interview. Unless it required a huge amount of time or expense I would have done the interview - you can always reject a job offer but you’ll never know if you would have got it now.