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AIBU?

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AIBU to think people on MN should stop directly engaging with you once you’ve asked them to?

160 replies

ThatJadeLion · 06/08/2026 11:57

I find it utterly baffling that some people cannot accept that others may hold a different view on Mumsnet and similar platforms.
Of course it’s a discussion forum, and people are entitled to disagree, continue the wider conversation and express their own opinions. But once somebody has clearly said, “We have different views, I don’t wish to discuss this with you any further,” I think that boundary should be respected.

Some posters continue quoting and directly responding to the same person again and again, becoming increasingly argumentative or aggressive, even after being asked to stop. At that point, it no longer feels like a normal exchange of views; in some cases, it can begin to feel like someone is being deliberately hounded.

AIBU to think there should be a way to prevent another poster from repeatedly quoting or directly engaging with you... or at least a point at which they are expected to let it go? They could still continue the general discussion, just without persistently coming back to somebody who has made it clear they no longer wish to engage.

OP posts:
ThatJadeLion · 06/08/2026 14:21

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

This is a general question. Not about me or anyone! If you want to continue to derail and turning this into a thread about a thread, fair enough.

OP posts:
JHound · 06/08/2026 14:20

ThatJadeLion · 06/08/2026 11:57

I find it utterly baffling that some people cannot accept that others may hold a different view on Mumsnet and similar platforms.
Of course it’s a discussion forum, and people are entitled to disagree, continue the wider conversation and express their own opinions. But once somebody has clearly said, “We have different views, I don’t wish to discuss this with you any further,” I think that boundary should be respected.

Some posters continue quoting and directly responding to the same person again and again, becoming increasingly argumentative or aggressive, even after being asked to stop. At that point, it no longer feels like a normal exchange of views; in some cases, it can begin to feel like someone is being deliberately hounded.

AIBU to think there should be a way to prevent another poster from repeatedly quoting or directly engaging with you... or at least a point at which they are expected to let it go? They could still continue the general discussion, just without persistently coming back to somebody who has made it clear they no longer wish to engage.

I just ignore them. You cannot block here but you should be able to prevent people from “@ing” you.

WearyAuldWumman · 06/08/2026 14:16

WallaceinAnderland · 06/08/2026 14:11

Of course, the name change facility makes avoiding posters slightly more awkward

Actually that's a good point. If I only blocked one user and they changed username, would that new name automatically be blocked? Because if so, it would be easy to block one person to track their usernames and then unblock and you would be able to link all their posts, which goes against the whole point of being able to change names for extra privacy, etc.

I hadn't thought of it from that point of view, I admit. Yes, I agree with you.

Andeverybodyknowsthat · 06/08/2026 14:14

This reply has been deleted

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VestibuleWeaver · 06/08/2026 14:13

ThatJadeLion · 06/08/2026 13:50

This is an AIBU that is generally asking the question, so I would appreciate this not being derailed or turning into a thread about a thread.
It's not for myself necessarily, but generally for when I have seen people aggressively quoting someone over and over.

You don’t “own” this thread! It’s a public forum.

WallaceinAnderland · 06/08/2026 14:11

Of course, the name change facility makes avoiding posters slightly more awkward

Actually that's a good point. If I only blocked one user and they changed username, would that new name automatically be blocked? Because if so, it would be easy to block one person to track their usernames and then unblock and you would be able to link all their posts, which goes against the whole point of being able to change names for extra privacy, etc.

Andeverybodyknowsthat · 06/08/2026 14:11

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

MarthaLovesLaughing · 06/08/2026 14:09

ThatJadeLion · 06/08/2026 14:04

I think it's fair when you start a thread that you ask for it to not be derailed where it turns into a thread about a thread. It's an open debate and I would have appreciated it staying that way. Fair enough, you've said your bit and I've said mine : )

And you are wrong @ThatJadeLion

HTH

Whosthetabbynow · 06/08/2026 14:09

If a poster keeps poking me with a stick although I’ve been previously polite I just dip out. I’m not overly invested. Can’t be bothered. Life is short. We don’t all agree.

Apinklie · 06/08/2026 14:06

This reply has been deleted

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WallaceinAnderland · 06/08/2026 14:06

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

It would be like threads with lots of deletions and people quoting posts that have subsequently been deleted. Puts a lot of holes in the thread. But as it would only affect the individual that used the block function I don't suppose it would matter that much.

ThatJadeLion · 06/08/2026 14:04

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

I think it's fair when you start a thread that you ask for it to not be derailed where it turns into a thread about a thread. It's an open debate and I would have appreciated it staying that way. Fair enough, you've said your bit and I've said mine : )

OP posts:
WearyAuldWumman · 06/08/2026 14:04

Cora0 · 06/08/2026 13:51

If someone is actually harassing you then report them. Otherwise you can just turn off notifications when someone quotes or tags you so you don’t see it. I do this because 90% of the time it’s either a) a troll trying to pick an argument by deliberately misconstruing your post or b) someone that has quoted your post and doesn’t respond to it at all but rather goes off on their own rant/tangent that is completely unrelated to what you said.

In the past, I alerted MNHQ to a situation where someone was aggressive one minute and then pulled the 'I've been nothing but supportive of you/have liked your posts' the next when I ignored them.

Very male behaviour, I thought.

Of course, the name change facility makes avoiding posters slightly more awkward, but that's the same on any board - people can always sign up under a different email account.

I think I've once reported an unwanted DM - not from the same person, so far as I'm aware.

WallaceinAnderland · 06/08/2026 14:04

You can't try to restrict posters to a very narrow conversation because this is a free and open interactive site. As long as people are polite and follow guidelines then they can enter anything into discussion.

I don't believe the other poster was making this a thread about a thread but more about pointing out that your posting style might be contributing to the problem. If you aren't willing to entertain different opinions, then you aren't really engaging in a proper discussion. Maybe you don't want a discussion and that's fine too.

MarthaLovesLaughing · 06/08/2026 14:01

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

This. You're not in charge @ThatJadeLion and no-one here is obligated or morally obliged in any way to do what you want

Get over yourself ffs

Andeverybodyknowsthat · 06/08/2026 14:01

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 06/08/2026 14:00

Yes yanbu. I reported one person for being personal to me and going on and on about wli’s because she kept on and on. Nothing was done but she then started on someone else

Andeverybodyknowsthat · 06/08/2026 13:59

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Cora0 · 06/08/2026 13:51

If someone is actually harassing you then report them. Otherwise you can just turn off notifications when someone quotes or tags you so you don’t see it. I do this because 90% of the time it’s either a) a troll trying to pick an argument by deliberately misconstruing your post or b) someone that has quoted your post and doesn’t respond to it at all but rather goes off on their own rant/tangent that is completely unrelated to what you said.

ThatJadeLion · 06/08/2026 13:50

WallaceinAnderland · 06/08/2026 13:42

It's not derailing because it's directly relevant to your question. Posters are explaining that you were getting that response on another thread because of the way you were posting.

On this thread you've asked for opinions and you've asked if you are being unreasonable. Some people will think you are unreasonable and they will say why.

This is an AIBU that is generally asking the question, so I would appreciate this not being derailed or turning into a thread about a thread.
It's not for myself necessarily, but generally for when I have seen people aggressively quoting someone over and over.

OP posts:
EmpressStorm · 06/08/2026 13:46

Just ignore them. If someone does it to me, I do a final response and say I won’t respond to you further, for x reason, but for some it usually then drives them to be desperate for you to respond to them again. Just ignore them, don’t even read it, flip past their posts,

what gets me is the little bullies, they see a disagreement and think they can pile in and get to kick someone, just ignore them too, they are likely not the sort of people you’d give the time of day to in real life so you don’t need to engage on line,

ApricotTulip · 06/08/2026 13:43

ThatJadeLion · 06/08/2026 13:36

I'm not talking about another thread. Please don't derail my post!

Hmm

WallaceinAnderland · 06/08/2026 13:42

It's not derailing because it's directly relevant to your question. Posters are explaining that you were getting that response on another thread because of the way you were posting.

On this thread you've asked for opinions and you've asked if you are being unreasonable. Some people will think you are unreasonable and they will say why.

ThatJadeLion · 06/08/2026 13:36

ApricotTulip · 06/08/2026 13:28

Also, the poster was not aggressive to you

I'm not talking about another thread. Please don't derail my post!

OP posts:
WallaceinAnderland · 06/08/2026 13:33

How would a block button work though? You don't see that one poster's post but others do and the conversation can still continue. Why does it bother you? Just ignore if you don't want to respond.

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