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AIBU?

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AIBU to think people on MN should stop directly engaging with you once you’ve asked them to?

160 replies

ThatJadeLion · 06/08/2026 11:57

I find it utterly baffling that some people cannot accept that others may hold a different view on Mumsnet and similar platforms.
Of course it’s a discussion forum, and people are entitled to disagree, continue the wider conversation and express their own opinions. But once somebody has clearly said, “We have different views, I don’t wish to discuss this with you any further,” I think that boundary should be respected.

Some posters continue quoting and directly responding to the same person again and again, becoming increasingly argumentative or aggressive, even after being asked to stop. At that point, it no longer feels like a normal exchange of views; in some cases, it can begin to feel like someone is being deliberately hounded.

AIBU to think there should be a way to prevent another poster from repeatedly quoting or directly engaging with you... or at least a point at which they are expected to let it go? They could still continue the general discussion, just without persistently coming back to somebody who has made it clear they no longer wish to engage.

OP posts:
Apinklie · 06/08/2026 15:55

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CoffeeCantata · 06/08/2026 15:55

Some people have to have the last word - and the concept of people having different but valid views, or with ‘agreeing to disagree’, is alien to them. They need you to acknowledge that they are right before they can let it go.

WearyAuldWumman · 06/08/2026 15:46

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No. They were trying to piece it together with other info I’d given.

They’d previously claimed to have worked in a school and their posts made it clear that they were lying - too much erroneous info about the school system.

They also claimed to be a woman. Again, patently untrue.

KrazyKatty · 06/08/2026 15:44

You have all the power as you can simply choose not to engage. So YABU to not control yourself.

RedTagAlan · 06/08/2026 15:41

GentleSheep · 06/08/2026 14:23

When someone keeps needling you, you need to remember a few things. You're under no obligation to reply, some folks love having the last word. That's OK, just let them. Usually their behaviour says more about them than about you. You can get up and walk away from a thread at any time. There's no obligation to post right away, or at all. You can hide threads if they're getting to you. It's a vital skill to learn, not easy but once you learn to just step away and ignore you'll feel a lot better, and feel a bit sorry for those who keep trying to drag others into arguments! What a petty life they must have!

Quote : " What a petty life they must have!"

Nah. In this case the OP made a statement on another thread that was proven not true in a court. Other posters wanted evidence from the OP for that statement.

I would humbly say it is far from "a petty life" to point out if someone is factually wrong. I would go so far as to say it is a righteous thing to do.

Rest of what you say I agree with. There are a couple of posters I just don't engage with, and it is really easy to do.

Apinklie · 06/08/2026 15:39

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Apinklie · 06/08/2026 15:37

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MoistVonL · 06/08/2026 15:34

Blocking is unhealthy. It leads to threads full of gaps that make no sense to some users because of multiple hidden posts, echo chambers that foster extremism because only posts egging them on are seen, and miscommunication.

It you can't cope with someone replying to your comments, don't read them. It's not obligatory.

WearyAuldWumman · 06/08/2026 15:34

PollysKenwood · 06/08/2026 14:40

How woipd you actually go about blocking someone on a thread? I get not being about to “at” someone but is the suggestion that they should be stopped from participating? I don’t understand.

I don’t understand the tech, but I recall being on a forum where blocking meant that the other person couldn’t view your posts and vice versa.

Tryagain26 · 06/08/2026 15:33

You can't stop people replying to what you have said especially if you just make an assertion as fact without any evidence people are bound to argue about it.
What you can do if you want to engage in any conversation is stop replying.
It's different if someone is being abusive but if they are just arguing against something you said and asking you to back up your opinion with facts I don't think you can object

WearyAuldWumman · 06/08/2026 15:30

WallaceinAnderland · 06/08/2026 14:25

Name changes have proved to be vital in the past to prevent doxxing. MN gets targeted regularly. MRAs even sent a SWAT team to Justine's house. I have a separate email just for mn that is not linked to anything else and change name when I need to.

On a site like this, one of the only sites in the world that is predominantly female and allows women to have a voice, I would say protecting your identity is paramount.

True.

The weird poster I referred to very casually asked me to name the school where I’d worked…

I hadn’t addressed them on that thread.

nomas · 06/08/2026 15:28

YANBU. There are a few posters who follow people around from thread to thread to insult them, and then get surprised when the person doesn't engage with them.

I don't ask people not to post to me but I do stop replying to them and ignore their insults. It's quite reassuring that their behaviour shows why they have such awful views.

SeaAndSangria · 06/08/2026 15:25

Backedoffhackedoff · 06/08/2026 12:01

You should be able to block people

I disagree. It's healthy to have the ability to listen to others points of view, even if you strongly disagree. You should regularly challenge your own opinions and views.
Blocking creates echo chambers, which can lead to/feed extremism.

Andeverybodyknowsthat · 06/08/2026 15:18

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TorroFerney · 06/08/2026 15:16

JudyTeeny · 06/08/2026 13:09

There is at least one person on here that does this all the time, frequently changing names. I can't think why someone gets their kicks by trying to provoke an argument. She/he stops when confronted. The best thing is to ignore- don't feed the trolls!

They’ll get a little dopamine hit every time I imagine. That’s probably why.

WallaceinAnderland · 06/08/2026 15:15

Please stop pretending this site is even close to perfectly moderated, or that you don't know what I am talking about, it is disingenous.

I'm not. I like the way it's not heavily moderated.

It feels like a more grown up site where people can moderate themselves and if they don't like what another person says, they can ignore them.

Error404FucksNotFound · 06/08/2026 15:14

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I suppose there are those too.
I was thinking of my own experience with someone wanting an argument. Chatting along happily with others, just ignoring them caused them to have a massive tantrum. It was glorious.

LuckyHazelFox · 06/08/2026 15:10

StrangeKa · 06/08/2026 12:16

It’s the trans rights people that do this haranguing. They are so aggressive. I’d love to be able to block them.

👏 ✌️ 👏

Andeverybodyknowsthat · 06/08/2026 15:07

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Error404FucksNotFound · 06/08/2026 15:04

Just stop replying to them.
Reply to others, carry on being involved in the discussion but skip them entirely.

It drives them nuts.

Andeverybodyknowsthat · 06/08/2026 15:03

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gamerchick · 06/08/2026 15:01

WallaceinAnderland · 06/08/2026 14:11

Of course, the name change facility makes avoiding posters slightly more awkward

Actually that's a good point. If I only blocked one user and they changed username, would that new name automatically be blocked? Because if so, it would be easy to block one person to track their usernames and then unblock and you would be able to link all their posts, which goes against the whole point of being able to change names for extra privacy, etc.

Exactly. Bring in blocking and it means get rid of name changing.

I'd definitely support that.

Andeverybodyknowsthat · 06/08/2026 15:00

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Apinklie · 06/08/2026 14:55

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MrsTerryPratchett · 06/08/2026 14:53

OP you want there to be rules that aren't rules. If you want a heavily moderated forum, those exist. Even pre-moderated ones. MN isn't that.

And if you say unsubstantiated, slanderous, erroneous nonsense on one thread, and start another in a disingenuous fashion, expect to be advanced searched. It might not be comme il faux but it's obvious it will happen!

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