AIBU to say no to a stripper for my husband’s party?

I suspect he is backtracking a bit! 😆

But thanks for the update OP, good on you for being clear with him.

Simply reply pointing out you are grieving and don't feel a naked woman would be appropriate.
Especially if there family members around.
Any children attending?

Are you going to be there? If not then what's the problem? There's only males there. It's his 50th, let him have a little fun! He's coming home to you, so why is there a problem?

Right...

It's a stripper gram, not a stripper at the entire party!

I am Amy from Gone Girl. I feel no desire to be " cool wife".

eerr no 🤯

Say no & make sure they understand it's a complete no. No ifs no buts no maybes.

Deffo, no buts.

Oh my goodness I did not realise you could still hire a stripper for a party? So grim … just say no.

Went to a 50th birthday party many years ago and a stripper arrived as a 'gift' from the man's wife. It was grim. I still remember it.

This is the ideal opportunity to reply, 'There we are then' 😉

I actually would not care. But you have to go with how you feel

You've just reminded me of the 50th birthday party where the woman presented her husband with a huge framed photo of herself naked!

Absolutely not. How vile and adolescent. Someone hired a male stripper for one of my birthday parties, and I said to him "This isn't your fault, and I'm sure you'll get paid, but if you remove one item of clothing I'm leaving."

You are not a party pooper, the person suggesting it is a pathetic slimy creep.

Sounds like a b*h - I wouldn't be so unpleasant to OP.

What is wrong with men?

I fear you may have missed the extreme sarcasm 🤭.

I am glad you resolved this OP!

Its a really bad idea the friends had, especially in a work context. Just totally crass and really ugly.

But the good thing is that they did ask. And this means both that (i) they respect you and (ii) they respect your OH and were using you to sound out how he might feel about it.

No-one should feel awkward about objecting to this kind of thing. Its genuinely horrifying that its still legal to publicly surprise people with (often degrading) sexual "entertainment".

Hardly anyone likes it, its a small minority, but they thrive because they know most people lack the confidence to speak up, or are worried about the reaction they might get.

It can still happen, but apparently licensing laws are now stricter about this kind of thing and it can be more hassle than its worth for premises to allow it (in scotland anyway).

Your husband will be really grateful to you, for putting your foot down OP!

There are plenty of videos on youtube (and less salubrious sites) of this kind of thing at birthday parties etc and the men are usually completely humiliated.

They can expect to have their trouser and pans whipped down, so everything on show to friends and family - lovely, have his bottom whipped and have cream or oil poured over him. Not to mention being led around like a dog, with his own belt as a leash. Like, ugh.

Of course, dozens of people (inc randoms) can then video this on their phones and its straight onto the net for all eternity.

Just what you want your boss / clients / children etc to see.

Its a really good question - the best info I could find (!) was a really flimsy defence that the agency consider the booking as "implied consent" (i.e. they argue that someone wouldn't book it, if they knew the recipient wouldn't like it).

And that the performer considers a lack of open objection from the recipient as "implied consent". You would like to think they were trained to discretely ask the person if they consented, before starting?

when I was younger, I was very introverted / unconfident and probably would not have had the strength of character to say "no" so its a really poor system they have. (but now I am older, I am quite happy top cause all manner of confrontations lol).

But its surprising the effect peer pressure and others expectations can have; with people even experiencing great discomfort before asserting themselves.

there was a male stripper convicted of sexual assault recently, when he failed to stop his act when a bride-to-be told him "no". He was jiggling her breasts and everything.

If a woman gives consent, it changes sexual assault into sexual entertainment (in the eyes of the law). However she clearly did not consent and so the strippers act was sexual assault in law.

I felt so sorry for that woman. She said she didnt want anything like that, but her sisters booked it anyway because it was what they wanted (the old story). Then the stripper ignored her lack of consent and sexually assaulted her, while her friends cheered and took videos of her distress. 1 of the sisters regretted booking it, but the other actually supported the stripper in court, saying what he did was only "normal hen night stuff". What a family!

As soon as somebody gets called out, they turn round and say: 'oh but is was sarcasm' or 'can't you take a joke?'
Rubbish.

I’m a bloke of similar age and would not want this, put it back on him, you’ve obliviously not organised a party for 30 years Steve, very dated and inappropriate these days

Isn’t the worry that his colleagues think he would be ok with this? I know the men in my business who would love it and those who wouldn’t.

If ever proof were needed that some men will just never grow up.

Just the thought of a fifty year old man possibly salivating or pretending to salivate over a scantily clad woman is just icky in my humble opinion . Sad , desperate and ridiculous